BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Journals I burnt my journals. What do you do with yours?

Hi, I'm new here and am thoroughly enjoying being with fellow journalers. You're probably horrified that I burnt my journals, but I had just over a hundred journals that were mostly full of stuff about a bad childhood and some bad relationships. For a long time I found it hard to find a place to put them all. I didn't want anyone reading them as they had some VERY personal details in them. I stored them in a locked trunk for a long time, but then it came to where to put the trunk? I thought long and hard about all these writings and how I didn't really want anyone reading them. I had planned to leave them to my kids, but since I've also written my autobiography and about five self-published books of poetry about my life, I didn't see anything positive about leaving these words for them to read too. So late one afternoon I tore the pages from each book and lit a small fire in my backyard, and one by one they were destroyed. I'm very glad I did it as since then I haven't had the fear of them being read. To those who don't journal, or ever really do any deep thinking, my journals would have made me sound like a crazy woman, but they helped me do the healing I needed to do. I also want to say that I did this about three years ago and haven't journaled since. But I have had a blog which I write in a couple of times a week. It's nowhere near as deep and personal as my journaling though. Well, about a week ago I got the urge to journal again so I went and bought myself a couple of notebooks and I'm at it again. So here I am.

I think that actually sounds very cathartic.

My daughter is going through couinseling right now fro a traumatic experience that occurred to her; and one of the things the counselor is having her do is to journal her emotions.

Whenever she comes in for a new appointment, she tears out the pages from the week before and rips it into shreds.

The purpose is to help her realize that the past cannot control her.

By ripping (or burning) those pages, you are giving yourself permission to let go of those memories and move on with life.

I agree with Michelle. I don't keep anything that I think others should not see, and I think it is cathartic to rip, tear, destroy in whatever way feels good to you. It helps put the past where it belongs.

Destroying your journals was very brave!

I've journaled since I was in middle school so I have had tons of journals laying around for years. The ones I wrote when I was younger, I keep for my daughters. My oldest will start middle school next year and I thought she might like to read about some of my experiences. Back then when I journaled it was more of a way to set to memory what had happened in my life and most of it was pretty good.

Now a days, my journals are a lot more private. I usually do keep them, but not where anyone else would have access to them unless I wanted them too. As I've gotten older I tend to use my journal as a sounding board. To hash out what's really going on in my heart and my mind. When I have problems, when I'm overwhelmed, when I'm happy and even when I'm just unsure of what to do with myself.

Journaling is very healthy I think. I also think that you have find for yourself what you want to do with your journals. Sounds like burning them was a very good thing for you. For me reading over mine sometimes helps me to see how far I have come. So I gotta keep'em for now anyways!

I was keeping a journal after my son was killed, the people in the church told me to throw them away, they took away my memories, How i wish i hadn't listen to them.
When my daughter lost custody of my granddaughter i started keeping journals for her (my granddaughter) about her life the good the bad and the ugly. When she becomes an adult i will hand the journals over to her. journals can be an important part of your live.

I have been journaling since I was a teenager. I used to keep them packed away in a box which I kept hidden. Now when I finish one I go back and read it. I think over the things that have happened and how I can change them. When I have finished reading I tear the journal up and get rid of it. Lately I have started keeping my journal on my computer.(of course I have the file named so no one will kknow what it is)I find as I type I get my feelings out better, because I can free write without having to think about it too much like I do when I write in a book.

Rosie, I am so sorry that you don't have that physical reminder anymore. But you DO still have those memories somewhere deep inside you. No one can ever take your thoughts or memories away from you.

Maybe one day you can go to a hypno therapist to see if you can recall some deeper memories of your son. You could take one of those mini-recorders with you to catch the words exactly.

For everyone - I think this thread just goes to show how very personal journaling is! For some it is a way of documenting good memories, for others it is a way fo releasing bad memories from the mind, a cleansing so to speak.

Neither way is wrong - it is just works best for the individual.

Hi everyone, thanks for your replies! I feel rather excited to hear from other journalers this morning, it seems we're a rare breed! Although I know there IS lots of us, trying to find another journaler in the flesh is a lot harder. I've had my name down for a journaling class for a couple of years now, at the local Community House. The class always gets cancelled due to lack of numbers. I would LOVE to sit with another journaler each week and discuss ideas, the process, journals, pens etc. It's been very interesting to hear the for's and againsts keeping a journal or destroying it. Rosie I'm sorry about your son, that must have been awful. Could you maybe do another journal of your memories of him? Hugs xxx It'll be interesting to see in years to come what I do with my journals this time round, keep or destroy. I'm gathering some bits and pieces together to have a go at making my own journals. I've been to the scrapbooking stores to get backing board and paper, and I have a good collection of quilting fabrics to play with, it should be fun. xxx

Rosie,

How sad you don't have those journals now. When I threw my journals away, they were mainly rants about feelings, thoughts, etc. I think it is very important to keep journals that you may want to look over in the future. I'm sure the church members meant well, but obviously throwing them out wasn't right for you.

I would expect your granddaughter will appreciate reading those journals when she is ready. My sister and I enjoy reading Mom's journals/diaries from her highschool and college years in the late 1930's and early 1940's. They include the death of her younger sister at the age of 15, when Mom was 17.

Journals are so very personal, apparantly we need to decide whether to keep them or not and not allow others to influence us. Thanks for the reminder.

Yarnplay - I'm glad you found us! If you haven't had a chance to check out the daily journaling prompts I've been writing, please do so. That daily reminder and weekly check in can be a nice time to touch base with other journal keepers. :-)

Edie - YES! That's the key - that your personal journals are exactly that. Your personal journals.

I have done both. Written private journals I want burnt upon my death, and less rant-filled-tomes that I intend to pass on. My gratitude journal is open for all to see and sometimes sits in the living room as it is a lovely, leather-covered book.

Angela <><

That's a great idea, to keep a pair of journals. One that is private to help you sort out your feelings and emotions, and another that is public that you can share your life and path.

My great-grandmother left behind diaries of her life in the 40s and I find them fascinating reading. It is so great to get that window into what a normal farmer's wife went through back then. It really reminds me to count my blessings in our modern life. I think each of us has something to share with future generations.

So I'm a strong proponent of public / shareable journals.

I also feel private journals can be *amazingly* helpful in helping each of us grow, change and expand our lives.

Angela - what a lovely idea to have a Gratitude Journal that everyone can read. My journal tends to cover everything and anything depending on the mood I'm in at the time of writing. I'd never burn them though, I did burn one once when I was much younger and I've always regretted it but that's got to be a very individual decision. As you say our personal journals are our 'personal' journals and should remain so - at least until after our death. Penny

One idea for people who burned their journals or destroyed them and now regret it - get a special journal for "repair". Write down in everything you can remember from that time. Even those memories would be better than nothing!

I once read about a diary repository where you could "store" your journal instead of destroying it. I think you could even submit the diaries with stipulations such as not releasing them to immediate family or to hold them until 20 years after your death, etc.

I'll have to find out more information about that and write an article. I think this might be a good option for those who want to "eliminate" an old journal for closure, without having it in an easy-to-access location for privacy reasons.

Angela <><

I wrote a lot as I was growing up and then when I reread my journals, I was sooo afraid someone would read them that I disposed of them.

How I regret that!

I wrote a series of letters to my adult self so I would remember what it felt like to be young. I wrote stuff like, "TRUST your daughter!!!" and such. Laughable. But I wanted to write a series of letters back to my young self and thought it would make a great little book. But I threw out all of those letters.

Maybe I can still pull a YA novel out of what I recall.

There was a really private journal that I burned. For closure. But I wish I didn't do that either.

I do like the idea of a super-safe storage area where things are completely safe. That way if you change your mind later on, they still exist. I completely understand the need to "purge" - but I also know that years later, a different desire to remember that part of one's life might be strong too.

I write lots of personal things in my journal, but for some reason, I don't worry about others reading them. Even when I was 16. I keep all of mine, tho they are beginning to pile up.

My mom read my diary when I was 17 and it caused a big brou-ha-ha. She kept a diary so you would think she would have respected the privacy issues and understood how important it was for emotional health to have one.

Now that I'm an adult and only my boyfriend is in the house I don't have any privacy issues at all - I don't think he'd ever open one of my diaries.

I've kept my journals from the past 30 years, but just this year tore out the pages that mention others in a personal light.

P.S. My sister asked me never to write about her as either a fiction or non-fiction character, which I've respected ...

edited to add P.S.

That's very interesting, that she made that request. Had you written about other family members in some of your stories?

I am blessed to be married to a guy who respects my privacy... I have nothing to hide but it's the respect thing, you know? I told him that he has my permission to read my journals after I die. We have no secrets so there's nothing that would shock or hurt him. Many years ago, I was engaged to a fellow who one day told me in quite an arrogant way that once we were married everything of mine would be HIS too, so that meant he was going to read all my journals. No, I don't think so, was my reply. He kept pushing and became more and more adamant, and the more I refused (finally declaring that I would burn the *%$# things rather than have him read them!) the madder he got, finally accusing me of &quot;having something to hide.&quot; I did not have a thing to hide, I tried to explain; it was just the principle of privacy and respect. I would never read HIS journals if he had any. He didn't get it. That was the first of many red flags. How glad I am that I did not marry him!

About a year ago, I shredded all my own journals in a futile attempt to change myself. Now I wish I hadn't because I'm on a new journal journey.

Lynn Ann, I've been doing a lot of what I call flashbacking in my current journal. Looking back on things that happened a long time ago in the Bad Old Days�, or that for reasons of insecurity I simply could not write out at the time they happened.

I've mostly kept my diaries and journals, but there were a few that I destroyed in fits of anger when I was young, or for the aforementioned insecurity, like if I felt like I'd said too much. I'm remembering some of that stuff and trying to capture it too.

I have definitely "destroyed writings" in a desire to get rid of them - and then later really regretted having them gone.

I definitely suggest if someone is feeling that desire to pack them up and send them away to a friend's house for storage. Then do a "symbolic destruction" with paper or fire or whatever. Cleanse your spirit. But give yourself time to see if you might want the actual historical record in the future, when your emotions are more settled.

Great idea, Lisa. I guess the reason I have not felt tempted to destroy any of my more recent journals- like past 30 years or so- is that they feel like old friends. Shoot, there were times when I felt like my journal was my only friend.

Certainly the only "friend" with whom I could truly be me.

Which makes me think of a possible prompt... give me a few and I might just post it, if no one shoots me first for writing too many posts in one day!