BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Bible Basics "Why Me?"

OK - for real this time - this is my last article on the Bible Basics site, LOL! Jenna is returning next week.

Why me, God?

Many of you know about my struggle with clinical Depression. Some of you may even remember that I struggled with contemplating suicide at one point in my life. Thankfully, I called my pastor instead. He and my husband sat down with me and we decided it was time to take more serious action with my depression and I self-admitted into the hospital.

This article is a little bit about that time. It also has the song that I wrote summing up my feelings. One day I hope to actually record this song - but for now if the words can touch someone - then I am content to put it out there just to be read.

Michelle you have a real gift.

I think when we can turn or take a painful episode in our lives and transform it, creatively, into a form of art for others to recieve, that's when we truly understand life as the miracle tapestry it is.

Thank you!

____________________________

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor

Michelle,

I enjoyed your articles on the Bible Basics site. I do not have clinical depression but have suffered from panic attacks and generalized anxiety off and on since my teenage years. I understand exactly where you are coming from with your song. I hope you do have it recorded because music and poetry are very healing for people. I know it has helped me a lot through my struggles.

Thanks Elleise & Debbie,

I jokingly call it "The Whining Song" because the whole first half of it is based on me asking God "why are You doing this to me?"

I finally realized one day that I sounded like a 13 yr old whining at her Dad!

When I tell people that sometimes I yell at God and tell Him that I'm mad at Him, they will look at me horrified.

But I figure, God knows exactly what I am thinking. So what good does it do for me to pray platitudes, pretending to be all joyous when inside I'm really hurting. My prayers tend to be more like "talks". If I'm upset, I say so - then I ask for help to change.