All of her life, she's heard negative, hurtful comments about herself. Her mind has been programmed to believe she is ugly. She could use some therapy here to walk her through healing and re-programming her mind to see herself differently.
The word 'programming' sounds like brainwashing, but we all set our own internal 'programs.'
On top of her destructive memories, she probably has a lot of negative "self-talk" as she repeats to herself (in her mind) all of the self-deprecating thoughts. "I'm ugly."
Your support is wonderful, but it isn't enough. She needs someone to walk her back to those places in her heart that are wounded. It's going to sound strange, but she has to turn around her perspective about being a BBW. In many ways, it is a gift. Imagine going through life, not knowing the true heart of people you meet because they are superficial. Her weight allowed her to see people's true selves.
She needs to be reminded that God made people individual because He loves diversity. Look at the examples in nature! We're all different shapes and sizes. God loves her the way she is. I'm sure He is sad when He sees her feel bad about His precious creation--her!
Then, she needs to look at those mean people in her past and see them as pitiful souls. She should feel sorry for them and forgive them because they didn't realize how horrible they were being.
Also, what made her gain so much weight in her early years? Was it a shield of protection? Weight is not an issue with me, but overall health is. Weight is a symptom of other unresolved health or emotional issues. Some people are content with their issues and their weight. It's a matter of personal choice but if she is unhappy about her weight...she should get some counseling to find out why.
She also needs to befriend other BBWs and find positive role models in confident BBWs. My fav is Queen Latifah. What a beautiful, fun, honest, incredible woman! Get rid of those magazines with skinny women and replace them with images of BBWs.
Some "therapy" type activities you can suggest: Have her write all those negative thoughts about herself and let her burn the pages. Very cleansing. Then every day, have her write down three things about herself that she loves and appreciates. She also needs to write down these affirmations so that her mind begins to accept them as fact:
"I am beautiful."
"I am loved."
"I am loving."
"My body is perfect."
"I am sexy."
These statements will replace the negative ones she says in her mind.
She needs to be surrounded by people who love and accept her. Not just you. But you are a great start!
To shellsherr: I don't know why people don't say thank you anymore. I say thank you. I think they forgot how to say thank you. Just plain forgot. How sad.
