BellaOnline Forums News and Politics Pro-Choice Teaching teens about sex

This week I posted an article with some suggestions for parents to provide comprehensive sex education for their teens when their schools do not.

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You sads something along the lines of kids have no interest in talking about sex with their parents (paraphrasing). So it is important to find other fall-back methods. And I do agree that it is a good idea for kids to have a couple of trustworthy adults to speak to about sex.

But, I still think the most important thing is making sure your chiuld knows that he (she) can come to you as a parent any time with any question without fear of judgment.

My oldest son (16) and I just had the most interesting discussion tonite, brought about because iof a joke that he had heard at school and did not completely get. It had to do with "golden showers".

This gave me the perfect opportunity to talk to him about sexual acts that are considered out side the norm, but some people enjoy. It feels very weird having these conversations with him, but as i pointed out to him - his Dad is in Mississsippi, he's not terribly comfortable with his step-dad, so I want hium to know he can come to me with anything - and I am not going to freak out about it.

Yup I agree completely, the more kids get a sense that they can talk to you about issues, the more they might actually do it

I agree with encouraging kids to talk to parents. But, I'm trying to point out that most kids end up with situations in their lives that they feel afraid or uncomfortable talking about with their parents. It can happen to families with the best intentions, and very open parent/child relationships. To deal with those times, it's good to have extended family or friends who are willing to be sounding boards for kids. Parents who communicate well and often with their kids are just as susceptible as parents who don't to this sort of thing, ironically enough because of the openness. Say you've told your kids where you stand on many issues. Maybe your kids are curious about other stands. Because they know what you think already, they might not want to talk to you. What then? Telling your kids that they can tell you anything only goes so far. They aren't dumb. They can figure out what you think on subjects, and if they're considering something that doesn't agree with your thoughts, they will take the immature route, and assume that you will be upset with them. It's normal, but it gets kids into trouble when they're left with just their friends as sounding boards.

Many years ago - (22) i found at 20 i was pregnant. In a long term relationship (5 years) but in college and not ready to have a baby. I weighed all my options. I didn't want to get married 'for' the sake of the child - i felt very confused. I had people coming from all angles telling me what i should do - and might i add - i was raised in an irish catholic home. I didn't want my father to find out i was pregnant and not married - unheard of - even 20 years ago. I knew the stigma that would follow me.

I had a very supportive sister who helped me weigh my options - abortion/adoption or having the baby. While doing research i found so many families that couldn't have children - and here i was thinking about doing the 'unthinkable' in my family - when i was the one who had caused this to happen. (i later found out that the pill i was on wasn't strong enough -i'd had the flu also - and got pregnant while on the pill). So not only was i dealing with the stigma of being pregnant and not married - now i was told there could be something wrong with the baby because i continued to take the pill while pregnant.

After ALOT of soul searching - i did have the baby - and he's turning 22! For awhile it was just me and him. I finished college - got my degree and worked hard. It wasn't easy. His father and i became friends and co-parents - but it was hard. He got married and i got married (to other people) and at times we had to rely on one another for support at difficult times. I had 2 more children.

I look back at that time as a learning time. At 21 i was unmarried with a child. I was fortunate to have easy-going employers - who understood my situation. I worked hard though - and it paid off. He is in his 3rd year of university - in a band and doing very well. He is an old soul.

I realise if i had gone the other route - my life would've been very different. But - i don't think i'd be the same person i am today - and that's a good thing

Not only are teenagers uncomfortable in talking to parents but many parents would be uncomfortable in talking to their children about sex and related issues. Not to mention unknowledgeable. I had to explain to my mam some time ago what the word wanker ment so I doubt she'd have a clue what a golden shower is (she's 66, I'm 22).

There has to be an alternative option out there for people who don't have the kind of parent child relationship that makes sex ed conversations possible. I think the alternative should be school because most of the people you need to get the message to are in school and I think it is so disgraceful that people are opposed to educating children on one of the most important lessons they could learn! I'm Irish and over here the problem isn't that anyone is against school held sex ed its just that no one is comfortable enough to do it. But thats bound to change because the catholic guilt which caused the discomfort has pretty much evaporated by now.

If not though, my friend is looking into getting a booklet she wrote for her masters published. Its an all inclusive sex ed book and deals with EVERYTHING in a completely non judgemental manner. If she does get it published i'm buying it for any young teenager I know.