BellaOnline Forums Health and Fitness Miscarriage I need help...

I am having a hard time coping with a misscarriage I had two months ago. When I just found out I was pregnant I was so excited I told everyone I was expecting. I felt that one of the people I worked with got jealous and I just found out today that she is expecting. This really hurts. I am really happy for her but the reason it hurts is because I think her baby is going to be born around the time my baby should have been here. It hurts to be around someone who is growing while I am just waring away. I really do not have anyone to talk to. My fiance doesn't like talking about the loss and he ends up yelling at me when I get upset. This makes it really hard for me to deal with. I need someone to help me find peace. I hope someone can also give me advice on how to deal with my emotions when around my co-worker. When I found out she was expecting the water-works started and it has just been like this all day. Its hard enough to have to work with young children and feel their embraces and know the one that was for me never got to me and I never got to hold them but having to see someone who is undegoing all the feelings I wish I was is really hard. Please someone send some inspirational words to me. I would really appreciate them.

I went through what you describe before finally conceiving my daughter... tho it sounds as if your fianc� is not being terribly sensitive, we have to remember it's hard on the menfolk too.

Time will help; you don't believe it now but it will. Don't give up hope of having a baby... if it was an early (before 3 mos) miscarriage, it happened for a good reason (the baby really couldn't develop further).

Please give yourself time; it will get better...

She's right. Time does help. It's easy to get upset every time you see a pregnant woman or a newborn, I still cry. Just don't become bitter. Even if God could audibly tell you why or for what reason...would it be enough? For those of us who have lost a baby, no reason would ever be good enough, that's human nature. Hope keeps us going. Take care...

I went through a miscarriage last year and it still hurts, but I have found closure. It took God to get me through. My family felt the best thing to do was to distance themselves from me and not talk about her. That was the last thing I needed. My husband felt like he had to be strong, so I felt like he just moved on. Actually he was hurting, too.

I did some research on the interent and came across a website that let me write a letter to my baby. It really helped me to feel a little better. The website is: www.aplacetoremember.com. Also, if you need more informationon finding closure go to: BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Some of your emotions are caused by hormones and after a miscarriage your hormones are even more messed up and unbalanced than if you carried the baby to full term. In addition, it is NORMAL to be upset about this and sad.

Believe it or not the way your fianc�e is acting is also normal, for men. The male does not get pregnant, does not get the hormone boost during pregnancy, or become as connected to a baby inside of the mother even if she carries to the point of feeling the baby moving. Men typically feel more strongly about their partner than their baby, while women feel more strongly about the baby inside them, than their partner.

This is ALL NORMAL.

The best place for you to seek comfort is with other women who have gone through this, so you've come to the right place for that. Talking to your boyfriend will probably never solve anything or make you feel better because he just doesn't share the same feelings, and it's not his fault, it's just nature.

However, like most young men he needs to learn some patience and understanding and empathy.

I am so sorry for your loss. I have experienced two miscarriages in my life and it was a hard time but you do get through it, and you move past it, and you will be able to see other pregnant women, and babies and not burst into tears.

After two months you might want to go to your doctor, a low dose anti depressant taken temporarily might help a little. I didn't need them after my first, but I did after my second miscarriage. I am sure it was hormones because oddly I should have been more upset the first time, but I was not, the second time was a real bad time to be having a baby, but my hormones became so out of whack that I even experienced psychosis.

So, don't discount the affect of hormones!

Take care of you.