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We have gotten a tremendous amount of posts from women whose husbands' use of porn is detrimental to their marriages.

I would like to put this topic to rest as I believe there are many more topics we can, and should, address concerning marriage.

I am asking posters to give their opinions on this sensitive topic and to also advise these women on what they should do.
There is an awful lot of low self-esteem involved here too as well as these women seeing no way out.

It is very sad that so many women are posting here about a topic that seems epidemic. My thoughts on this and any subject that is so painful is this: ANYTHING A SPOUSE DOES THAT REPEATEDLY HURTS YOU EMOTIONALLY IN ANY WAY SHOULD BE STOPPED.

Freedom in any relationship is fine as long as what you do is not detrimental to your spouse. Marriage is supposed to be two people who love and respect each other and care for their feelings.

Please post and let's let this topic go.

"ANYTHING A SPOUSE DOES THAT REPEATEDLY HURTS YOU EMOTIONALLY IN ANY WAY SHOULD BE STOPPED."

- I totally agree. In a good marriage, both partners are aware of the other's feelings and would try hard not to do something that would hurt the other, or seek help if it is something they feel unable to control.

HI,
Kristen & Elle I totally agree with everything you both had to say. It seems that it is always the women who post about this. How would their men like it if they were looking at other males so much in this very same way. My opinion is this, a spouse or partner who keeps doing something like this & it hurts you & is causing problems, does not seem to care much. Or respect their spouse/partner & their feelings.

I actually see many women advice writers tell other women that this is a normal male thing to want to see porn etc. That they should just accept it as part of "normal" male behavior. But to me it seems that now with computers & other tech stuff, this is a huge problem for many couples.

Most men could control it & do without it but they don't want to. I do believe that some men & women can become addicted to it. Then they should get help. If they dont' want to, then if I was the spouse I would put it in the same category as other addictions. I would not want to live with a man who wanted to look at this stuff so much. If he wants to then don't get married or live with someone.

I'm with you, Kristen. It is time that we finally let this topic go. It is a serious problem. But I really think that there is not much more we can say about it. Those people need to get some kind of help. I'm married for many, many yrs. now. I am all for working things out in a marriage. But there are times if you keep telling your spouse, this is hurting me & causing many problems & they keep doing it, it may be time to get help. If the spouse won't, they may have to separate.

Some men & women will take advantage & keep doing what they want because they know that their spouse has a low self-esteem & will keep putting up with bad behavior. If they knew the person would not put up with it & they might loose them, maybe they would go for help. Or stop it.

I have seen alot of women really allow their spouse/partner to really just have free reign with almost everything. Then they will complain about it & just put up with it. I don't know of too many men who would put up with their wives & or girlfriends doing this, viewing & interacting with good looking men on-line. Judy K. Chicago.

"I actually see many women advice writers tell other women that this is a normal male thing to want to see porn etc. That they should just accept it as part of "normal" male behavior."

So true, Judy. I have seen that attitude also.The idea that it is "normal" for men simply because they are male is ludicrous.

Honestly I think all couples at one time or another in their marriages have viewed some type of porn. It is tintillating and we are curious animals, but, and herein is the healthy truth-after viewing it couples usually make love. After all, your sex partner is the one you married and the one you love to be with intimately.

With the letters I have been getting, the men seem to have no love or caring for their spouses and see them as non-beings. The women who write have such low self-esteem that they accept it when their husbands abuse them emotionally by calling them names and making negative comments about their bodies, the bodies that they should love.

My heart goes out to the women who write here. They are desperate. A man who constantly uses porn is an addict. The wives of these men need to know that they have to leave the marriage to save their own sanity.

But we have got to let this topic go.

My one and only post on this topic and my opinion will never change:

To me, porn is the same thing as cheating. If it really bothers you, he gets an ultimatum! He either gets help - or you be prepared to leave. If you threaten him with leaving - be prepared to follow through.

I know marriage is supposed to be a commitment, but with the rate of divorce these days, always make sure you have an escape route.

Marriage is a commitment, but if one person is no longer committed; it is my opinion that it is no longer a marriage.

Well-said Robin! I especially like the part about ultimatum and being prepared to follow through.

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ONe thing my pastor said in his sermon this morning that I thought was very relevant to this thread (we happen to be studying the "Song of Solomon" ha!)

Any time a husband spends looking at porn, either on the web or in magazines - he could better spend getting closer to his wife.

I've said this before - Love is a choice!

People in a marriage must choose everyday to honor the vows they said on their wedding day. Otherwise, why say the vows, why get married?

Just like you have to choose to love your spouse, you also have to choose to be intimate with your spouse. If instead you are giving that intimacy to a woman that deosn't even exist (that is a fantasy born from a picture on the computer) then that intimacy is wasted.

The Song of Solomon is one of the most beautiful pieces ever written To me it signifies what the love a marriage should be.


'Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth � for your love is more delightful than wine.'

'He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love'

I was married to someone who LOVED porn - any type (we are now divorced). I found it disgusting and cheap. I often found him doing things i didn't agree with - but when i confronted him - he would say - but you won't so what should i do. We were very young then (21/23) and at that time- i guess because i was taught - i wanted to please my husband - BOY was i disappointed. I found out later on that it spilled over into alot of other things that i found even more disgusting. The end result - i put my foot down - he left me for another woman - lesson learned. I have now been happily married for 8 years to a wonderful man. He agrees with me - looking at -or entertaining the thought of other women when he is committed to me - doesn't enter his mind.