Christine Beauchaine, BellaOnline's Miscarriage Editor, wrote:
Quote:
... as many as 70% of all first trimester miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities. Chromosomal abnormalities in an embryo can occur for a variety of reasons. They can occur as a result of an abnormal sperm or an abnormal egg. Either one can be caused by environmental factors such as exposure to certain chemicals or toxins. Additionally, a woman's eggs are at higher risk for chromosomal abnormalities if the woman is over 35. This is because a woman is born with all of the eggs she will ever have. As she ages, her eggs age as well and are more vulnerable to abnormalities. There is now some evidence to suggest, that a man's age may also have an affect on his sperm. Additionally, chromosomal abnormalities can occur as a result of something going wrong after sperm and egg have joined if the cell division process somehow goes off track.

Because this is such a common cause of miscarriage, you might think it's easier to deal with than some of the other causes. However, in my experience, it can actually be more frustrating to deal with. While it's reassuring to know that there was likely nothing you did to cause the miscarriage, it can be stressful to know that there was also little you could have done to prevent it.


Christine,

Thank you for writing about the grief women feel over the miscarriage or loss of a baby with a chromosomal anomaly. During pregnancy we build up many hopes, dreams and plans for the baby we expect. The presence of a chromosomal anomaly may cause us to adjust our long-term expectations but does not change the connection we feel to the son or daughter we planned to have in our lives.

Several women and a few men have stopped to talk with me as I have been out and about with my son, who was born with Down syndrome, and told me that they lost a child with Down syndrome through miscarriage or a still-birth.

They look over my son with such intensity and compassion it is heart-breaking to think about. When he introduces himself and speaks with them they hang on to every word. I feel their loss each time I remember our casual meetings.

Sometimes I see women looking at my son with longing and feel that they are among that 70% of women who have experienced a miscarriage of a baby with a chromosomal anomaly. I often wonder if those parents better explain the waiting list for adoption of babies with Down syndrome.

I hope that any woman in that situation reading this will know that I keep them in my thoughts and prayers and sympathize with their loss.

Please forgive your friends and family who make thoughtless comments when they find out that a chromosomal anomaly caused your miscarriage. They do not mean to cause you greater pain.

I know your grief is as strong and deep, and as long a journey to get through, as any other mother's. You certainly will remain in my thoughts and prayers although we will never meet. I am so sorry for your loss.

For many years I had a memorial garden and would plant three colors or three bulbs for the loss of a baby with Down syndrome, recognizing the three copies of chromosome 21 that causes it - trisomy 21. That acknowledgement has always been soothing to me, because I believe we all should take pride in the diversity we express; for a while I also chose colors according to whether the baby was a son or daughter. When there is a hesitation before answering when a mom is asked how many children she has, I always feel she is counting one, or more, she lost, before answering.

When my daughter was a baby, a dear friend who had a baby son her same age, hesitated when she was asked, and after telling the stranger 'one' she told me about the three she had lost before him. Every detail is important, but does not make a bit of difference in our grief.

Pam W
SE of Seattle



Pamela Wilson - Children with Special Needs Editor
Visit the Children with Special Needs Website