BellaOnline Forums Relationships Bereavement Will it ever get better?

My husband of 30 years was killed 1 month ago in a motorcycle accident. I miss him terribly. I'm home with a cold now and I don't think I can take much more of this emptyness. Going to work seemed to help last week, but now I am sick and had a bad weekend. I was never meant to live alone. Help.

Yes, it will get better. Concentrate on all the great days and times you had together not the one day of his passing. Do something in his honor and keep it up.

rod, i'm sorry for your loss, my 13yr old son was killed I understand your emptiness. And loneliness. its been 23years now that my son has died. I still miss him so much the holidays are so hard . I won't tell you that it gets easier or better with time but i can say with time we learn to handle it differently.
And welcome to the forum you will meet many nice people here.
Rosie

Thank you for the knid advice. I posted during a meltdown. Intectually I know things will get better, emotionally I will never recover. I have so much to look forward to. What breaks my heart is not sharing the things to come. A new granddaughter coming in a couple of weeks. Thank you again.

I honestly believe our loved ones who have crossed are never that far away if needed. I've had way too many experiences which confirm this for me. When I'm having a really bad day, I talk out loud to them and allow myself to cry until I'm done. Having a really good cry releases a lot of physical stress. Cry until the tears don't come anymore. I also sleep much better afterwards.

There are days when a stiff upper lip is necessary. But then there are days when you really need to let the grief just flow from you. Always focus on the good, but when things start building up, like the last few days, allow yourself a "bad" day or two, just to grieve. I think it really is physically and emotionally necessary. My thoughts are with you.

HI,
I"m so sorry for your loss. I lost alot of family members & close friends. Never a spouse or child. I lost family members in very close time frames too. It's never easy to deal with. The above people gave you very good suggestions & thoughts about this. I agree with allowing yourself to grieve. Although things will never be the same as time goes on it will get better.

This just happened. I give you alot of credit for talking about this with us. you will always miss him. But you know deep down that he wants you to go on. It will take alot of time. Not that anyone can replace your dear husband, but the new grandaughter is a good part of your life for the future. Please let us know how you are doing. It does help to get it out & talk about it. Hugs, Prayers & support, Judy K. Chicago.

Hello,

I lost my husband in 2005. we were married 8 months when he died suddenly. Its been so hard especially around the holidays, he died December 16. There isnt a day that goes by I dont think about him.

I've been going to grieving classes and went to a workshop on how to get thru the holidays without our loved ones. It was great. I feel better and now Im feeling like im getting excited about the holidays. This is the first time since my husbands death in 2005, I'm able to get motivated. I moved into a one bedroom apartment from my sisters house, bought a new fake tree with lights. To me, this is a beginning sign of healing.

As far as crying, its ok to cry. It isnt a sign of weakness or failure, but a sign of strenght and recovering. There is no rule when grief should end but we know we have to move forward. The past was yesterday. It will never be the same again if you try to relive the past. Its important to try new things. Get some excercise, eat good and most of all, be good to yourself. Get involved with the community or find a new hobby. I know its hard doing this, but trust me, you'll feel better.

In my opinion, the question is... Will it ever get better, no, it doesnt get better, it just gets easier.

Happy Holidays,

Julie

HI,
I had to post again when I read the end of the above post. It can get better & easier. It will take some time. To Julie, if you have the opinion that it will not get better then it won't. Everyone else who lost someone said that it does get better. I think that is up to the indivdual who lost someone, if they want life to get better or not.
Julie you gave Rod alot of good suggestions. But to say that it wont' get better is in a way defeating the purpose of the good things you advised. Judy

I have to apoligize for my negitive thoughts on if it ever get better. Honestly, I didnt mean to be so negitive. I know it will get better for me, but for me to say that was wrong on my half. I'm sorry.

Judy, you are right. It is up to the individual how we choose to live our lives if we want it to get better. Thank you for letting me see that :0)

Julie



Julie

HI,
No need to apologize. It is very hard to deal with. Every one has to go forward at their own pace. I hope that I was not too harsh either. I just wanted Rod to know that there is hope even when terrible things. happen. Thanks for your response. I wish you all the best too. The holiday times are hard enough for people. But when you loose someone you loved, it is very difficult. I want to wish everyone the best who is dealing with this & other things too. Judy K.