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Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 3
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Joined: Oct 2008
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I'd love to hear perspectives from other women on how to deal with having feelings/attraction toward someone who isn't available to you for some reason or other (for example, you aren't and/or the other person isn't single, or it wouldn't be socially or professionally appropriate for you to get involved with them). It could be that this person you're attracted to is your boss, your teacher, or your student. Or the ex of a close friend of yours. Or any variation on any of these themes.

How do you deal emotionally as well as practically with this kind of situation? Assume that you see and interact with the person regularly in the normal course of your activities, and you can't avoid seeing thenm or simply cut them out of your life.

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Shark
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Hi 1124girl,

I think this is an ethical question that every woman has to ask herself. There is no judgment on the choices; however, one must weight the consequences of her actions of carrying out that attraction. It's natural to have feelings that you rather not have towards another human being. However, our minds and hormones are very tricky things. I personally would suggest staying away emotionally even though you still have to see that person on a regular basis. Stay strong, and focus on people who are truly available and "good" for you. Forbidden love usually ends up hurting both parties, and even more people involved in the situation i.e. yours or his current partners, families, work...etc. I know it's difficult as attraction is attraction, and it is hard to be explained away by our logical mind.

I usually tell people to follow their heart. However, in this case, I would say to "think" through your decisions. I believe you will know what is right for you.

Take care,

Joined: Mar 2007
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I've fallen in love with a married man. We no longer work together..but I know he still has feelings for me. We havn't spoke to each other for 3 weeks. His B-day is coming up..do I wish him well or just let it go? I know nothing good can come out of this but I just didn't want to end it.

Joined: Jul 2008
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Parakeet
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There you go - you just said nothing good can come out of this.

Get out of town or something on his birthday - find ways to keep yourself busy.

Let me describe a scenario.....let's say you pursue it and end up together. Tell me - will you trust him - really trust him? Will you ever wonder if he is being unfaithful to you, like he was with her?


Robin Rounds Whittemore, Fragrance Editor
Fragrance Website
Fragrance Forum



Joined: Jan 2007
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Jellyfish
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HI,
I agree with Robin. You need to let it go. Besides he has not contacted you in 3 weeks. So, to me it seems that he is getting on with his life. Most of the time these situations rarely work out. You are also wasting the time you spend thinking about him & what you want it to be. You could put that time & effort into yourself or trying to meet men who are not married.

Also, I'm sure that his wife thinks he has feelings for her too. Because people who cheat lie to the spouse & who ever they are cheating with. It's very easy for some people to make a fantasy out of this type of relationship. But none of it is based on any type of honesty & truth.

Also if he does contact you, it probably will only be for sex. If you contact him, he might just sweet talk you & tell you what you want to hear, just for sex. Many times the other woman, wants to believe that she is the special 1 in the cheater's life. That she can change him etc. This is very unrealistic. Take care, Judy K.


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