BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce how do you know if you should save your marriage

Hi Diana,

I'm glad to hear you are doing as best you can, looking at the positives in a darker situation. You do have a lot of good advice here and friends to bounce things off of.

These women and the posts I've read here, come with a lot of experience and wisdom to share support.

Stephanie, especially has a valid point when it comes to saving marriage that comes down to what exactly that will mean in the future.

I've personally known women who have stayed married and have that on the outside to commend but on the inside live an extrememly lonely, isolated and submissive life. Their lives completely snuffed out from under them, but they can say they stayed married.

I've known a man that demanded his wife of 10 years, leave her friend or he would divorse her, just to keep his house of control under wraps. I've personally had a husband that admitted to me, deep down, he was unhappy because whatever he did, it was never as positive as something I would do or be commended on. His words, "I feel like I'm riding on the back of your coat tails."

I believe in marriage we come together initially out of love and even if it should end there is still love. There are rough patches in any relationship, but, as one poster suggested, what would you tell a good friend or daughter that was going through this?

When something begins crushing the human spirit, it really makes you wonder why and wether or not the situation as a whole could be that much better without it.

________________________-

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
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If you suspect your spouse of cheating on you, you'll want to read this.
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Hi Diana

I see you have not been on recently so hope things are working out the way that you want them to. Always remember no matter what that you are a person and a happy life is what everyone deserves. I wish you well whatever happens.

When I am confused about things in my life sometimes go to a medium purely just for guidance and feel that this really does help me. I always remember one telling me that I am not like my mum as that is something that used to worry me.

Take care.

Skinnycow

HI Diana, i just wanted you to know that you're not alone. There is hope - let me share with you if i could.

I am on my 2nd marriage. Married the first time for 12 years - 3 kids - divorced for 10 years. Remarried 5 years ago to a good guy who had never been married -or had kids. It has been hard for him. When we got together the kids were accepting - and happy that i was happy - but as they've gotten older -its gotten harder. I almost feel like im in the middle - almost like my kids are jealous of him and he's jealous of the time i spend with them. The lessons i have learned.....as my kids reached teenage hood - it got worse - so i learned to step away from the situation. I learned to say no and mean it. I learned to not waver. It's harder for my husband because he's the odd man out. He often feels unappreciated and unwanted. It's one of the hardest things to feel a part of a family that was already together. We always do things as a family - but i also spend time with the kids alone - and he does too. The most important thing - we have to support each other. If i make a decision i have to stick with it - or else they walk all over us. There are times they tell him 'you're not my father i don't have to listen to you' - and ive tried to teach them respect. There are often hard feelings as my ex is in the picture also stirring the pot (he hates my husband and my husband doesn't think highly of him)

It's a work in progress but the kids can't suffer -but neither can you. We have our own issues we deal with on a day-to-day basis - on top of the kids issues....so its not easy. It's hard work - but i love my husbad and he loves me. WE have both said and done things we regret - but we've learned to listen and to hear each other. I've also been to counselling and it did help alot - but what worked most - both of us learning to argue....using our words - not being afraid of hearing the truth....