logo

Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
AnaRuggeri, DolphinNose, chrisandiano, Sarah - English Culture, Lisa Bale
58314 Registered Users
Forum Stats
58,314 Registered Members
417 Forums
119,011 Topics
844,797 Posts

Most users ever online: 615 @ 04/22/15 10:11 AM
Top Posters (30 Days)
Nancy Roussy 242
Mona - Astronomy 130
Celestine - Baptist Editor 47
Connie - ADD/Sandwiches/Reading 39
Angie 33
Angela - Drama Movies 25
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames 20
Angel S. Class 16
Susan Helene Kramer 15
Korie - California/Yoga/Knitting Editor 13
Ad Income Supports Charity
Topic Options
#449411 - 09/02/08 09:52 PM building a relationship with husbands daughter
4ahealthyfamily
Unregistered


I'd love some feedback please:

I have been with my husband for 4 years, we married 6 months ago. I met his kids after I had dated their father for 1 year. The kids live with thier mother & their mother often hosts Christmas/birthdays etc, we all get together several times a year. So far they have seemingly been accepting and polite, for the most part. It feels to me that they have become more distant since I have married their father. The youngest, a 16 year old girl, is hard to talk to, how do I approach her so that she doesn't feel I am coming on to strong? My husband and I see her about once a week, we go for dinner, movies, shopping...it is obvious that she has loyalty issues, maybe confused....so I am confused too! I know I have tried too hard in the past and that doesn't work. Should I talk to her, if so I am not sure what to say to respect the boundaries to her mother. Ugh. I approach this with friendship and jut want a positive vibe back.

Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated.


Edited by 4ahealthyfamily (09/02/08 10:24 PM)

Top
#449801 - 09/04/08 03:26 PM Re: building a relationship with husbands daughter [Re: ]
SWK Offline
Jellyfish

Registered: 02/06/08
Posts: 102
Hi,

Although I'm definitely not an expert, I can sympathize as well as maybe offer a bit of advice!

First, remember that your SD is 16 years old. Girls at this age are inherently distant, moreso when they're confused. So, I think you could chalk some of that up to age, horomones, inexperience, etc.

Second, being in a step relationship is going to be a bit weird for a long time. Even when "roles" are established, your SD is going to mature and go through different stages, and those "roles" will have to be re-defined.

Third, it seems like all you really want is a good relationship with her, and a strong relationship with your DH. It doesn't seem like you're trying to "be the mom," which I think is often disastrous. Does she know this? If you take a few private moments for just the two of you, you could let her know that you are feeling awkward, too, but that you want things to be open and honest between the two of you. Maybe acknowledge that you see how much she loves her dad, and let her know that you also truly love her dad. Allow her to respond to what you're saying and acknowledge any issues she might be having, if she's comfortable enough to bring them up. If not, don't try to force anything. Let her come to you.

Also, be sure her father spends time with her without anyone else around so they can continue to have a strong relationship.

Finally, just be patient. Step-relationships take time to build. They can't be forced. Eventually, she will see that you make her father happy and that you aren't trying to take her mom's place. The awkwardness, then, will dissipate.

My SD and I have a pretty good relationship. I guess I'm kind of like an aunt to her, in a very roundabout kind of way, if you have to define it. But there are times when she's upset that I do sit her down in her room and remind her that her dad and I love each other very much, that she can trust that I'm here to stay, that occasional anger toward the "step-parent" is totally normal, and that this anger eventually goes away--and when it does, our relationship will be back to normal again.

Good luck! smile
_________________________
SWK

Top


Want to reply? Register as a Forum Member - it's quick, free and fun!
Brand New Posts
Panda Internet Security Free
by Nancy Roussy
Virus & Spam
5 minutes 57 seconds ago
AVG
by Nancy Roussy
Virus & Spam
8 minutes 5 seconds ago
How is your health these days?
by Nancy Roussy
Inspiration
13 minutes 0 seconds ago
Thanksgiving Tips
by Tuculia
Daughters
Today at 04:09 PM
Lisa's Daily 10pm EST / 8pm MST Meditation
by Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames
Meditation
Today at 02:57 PM
Where are you and how is the weather?
by Angie
Inspiration
Today at 02:28 PM
Networking
by Angie
Genealogy
Today at 02:24 PM
Spiders!
by Nancy Roussy
Clairvoyance
Today at 01:11 PM
What is your favorite Gospel Song?
by Celestine - Baptist Editor
Baptist
Today at 11:23 AM
Simple Sewing Kits
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor
Sewing
Today at 10:07 AM
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Who's Online
1 registered (Nancy Roussy), 134 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Ad Income Supports Charity



| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2016 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.