I think sometimes husbands do this because they are so disconnected during the pregnancy process. Many men are to some degree jealous of their wives because they do not get to experience this miracle.
Then when something goes wrong, they want to blame somebody and for some crazy reason the mother often gets that blame, because she was the only one to have actual contact with the baby.
Grief can cause a type of temporary insanity. I'm not saying this to be funny, but as a literal stastement, especially for men. They have no idea what to do with their strong emotions - espcially ones like grief, because they are so often brought up to "be strong".
I know I am always touting counseling on here, but that is because it helps so often. Just having a 3rd person who is not emotionally invested to listen to you and help "organize" your thoughts can be extrememly helpful. These counselors often do not give you answers, but help you find the ones that you would come up with on your own- just more quickly and with less trial and error and pain.
I am sorry for both of your pain. This is not an easy time to go through for anyone, and it would be better if you could talk with your husband and find a way to support each other through this rather than grow apart.
Many hugs,
michelle