BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I don't know why this made me so mad

A few years ago I breifly reconnected with an old friend from high school. We spoke on the phone a time or two- I complained that I didn't like the job I had at the time and she complained that she had dropped out of community college and was waiting tables. Then one night she called me and upset me. She made some backhanded remarks that I didn't think were nice and to top it all off she told me that she had just broken up with her "loser" boyfriend because his job wasn't good enough. It just so happened that he did the same thing for a living that my SO does. A Tech job that requires plenty of schooling and certainly paid better than WAITRESS. The conversation hurt my feelings and after I got off the phone I didn't talk to her again.

She continued to send me e-mails sometimes. Nothing direct, just forwards.The other day I sent her a funny forward. Today she e-mailed and all it said was : how have u been?

I replied, congratulating her on getting married and gushing a little bit- she had sent me a small picture that I thought might have been from her wedding, so I said - would love to see a wedding pic. I wrote that my only news was that my cousin had just had her THIRD child that she couldn't afford and my parents would be raising that one as well. And I said this:

Although (SO) & I have avoided having one of our own we still find ourselves reading stories etc. The 1st two had endless colic & I did my share of up all night with them. Maybe this one will be easier.

Within seconds I had a response that said she had gotten married two years ago and gave me an EXACT birth date of her new baby. She said her life is "pretty great" and told me the marital status of each of her many siblings, including her youngest sister, her favorite out of the bunch as far as I remembered. She said her sister was "living in sin, waiting tables and 28!" then she made some remark about feeling old.

So the whole thing was all up-beat, but it left me angry and with a bad taste in my mouth. She had no response about my news. She didn't ask if I had gotten married, but managed to rip on her own sister for "living in sin" and also for being a waitress- which is EXACTLY what SHE was doing at that same age. I also kept looking at the DOB of her baby and the vague date of her marriage and couldn't help but think that she had OOPSED herself into a better living arrangement.

It really upset me and I'm not sure why. I spent the rest of the afternoon with these words running round my brain: F*** your way to a better life- how to get ahead without discernable skills or class....

I am not sure that rant made me feel any better, and I still don't know how I'm gonna respond. I thought I might ignore it alltogether. But I really think I should just be polite and vague- on the other hand I could do just what she did and ignore everything she told me and say something like:

SO & I have decided to celebrate our incredible 14 year relationship with a big wedding this fall...

She ended her e-mail with a bunch of questions abouth whether I will be going to our upcoming class reunion (I will not) and giving me her phone number. Maybe I should wait a week or so and just tell her the baby (of course she sent a pic) was cute & it was nice to hear from her.

What should I do?

well, aside from the baby issue--would you be friends with her? Sounds like you don't really like her much, in which case if it was me, I might toot my own horn slightly and be polite and let it drift back into forwarded emails.
Ravyn

I guess it really chaps me that we were so close in high school and I'd like to remain close but, you're right, every time I interact with her now I come away feeling like she is SOOO negative and self important. I also think that "oopsing" is morally reprehensible and it really makes me angry that I've seen so many of my peers seem to get ahead in life by doing that. Why aren't they ashamed?

because this child-worshipping society rewards OOPSING. They are not ashamed because no one suggests they should be. Consider yourself moved-on since High school--matured.
Ravyn

She sounds a tad self-centered! And judgmental on top of that...not only did she dump a boyfriend because he didn't have an impressive job, but her news is so superficial...wedding dates, marital status, etc. Sounds like you've grown apart, and that's what's really upsetting you.

I did have a friend once where it had reached this point (ie, never talking on the phone, superficial emails, her never initiating any kind of contact), and it was similar in that we'd been friends since high school. But it just wasn't worth keeping the friendship going, and I never got much out of it. So I just let the friendship slide, and then about six months later I got an email from her wondering why we weren't close anymore! It was kinda funny, but when I explained that we had different interests now (ie, she somehow aged from 29 to 45, only talked about her kid and her mortgage, no longer worked, and took no interest in my life whatsoever) she really lost it! But to me that only confirmed that we weren't close friends anymore.

BTW I completely share your opinion about the "OOPS" thing. It disgusts me.

You've pointed out an interesting 3rd option- brutal honesty.
I could just tell her all about how I've never been bitten by the baby bug and how much I think I would miss all the quality time I get to spend with my SO and how I'm pretty sure I would end up resenting the baby..

I think it's a bit judgmental to assume the ooops thing myself. We have no idea what her reality was like.

But in any case, i think this is a case I call a friend breakup. You two aren't friends any more and it's okay. Treasure what you had back when you were both younger and allow both of you to move on to the kind of friends you each prefer now.

Well said, jilly! I think it is so important to remember that not all friendships will last forever.

It's very true that people just mature and grow apart.

I recently reunited with an old friend for lunch and the entire time she was either on her cell or gushing about HER job, HER kids, HER new car, HER husband who is a lazy slob, blah, blah, blah.
Never asked me anything about my life.

Whatever ...........