BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Go 21 Days Without Whining

OHHHHH I love the purple one! Purple is my favorite color.

I have been trying so so so hard not to complain in my life. It is really hard. At my new job, there is a lady who started around the same time I did, she finds something wrong in everything around her or finds something to complain about everyday. It is very tiresome working with her and I have to remind myself to breathe deeply and stay relaxed.

Okay as of yesterday i complained for sure, and then again today. Both situations are about my meanie neighbors - they have rented some VERY LOUD construction equipment like sanders, generators, spray painters and this awful crane thing that makes a beeping backup sound every - honest to god - 10-30 seconds. It is DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!

[SWITCHING BAND EVERY FEW MINUTES HERE FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS]

Deb -

I bet your library has the book, if you want to check it out. It's actually pretty cool. I have a full review of the book in this forum which goes into exactly what they mean by complaining. It is NOT speaking up for yourself. If you have a fly in your soup, you tell them. But you don't whine about it. You say "I have a fly in my soup, please give me a new one for free." You don't say "You stupid jerk, can't you get anything right? Obviously you are an incompetent fool if you can't even see this fly right here."

It's about speaking up proactively for things that need to be changed - and finding a way to be tolerant of things you *cannot* change.

So for an example, they talk about changing a flat tire in the rain. You could spend the time cursing and grumping and being unhappy. The tire won't care - and all it'll do is hurt your own body with the stress hormones and such. So you're actively damaging yourself by doing something that isn't helping anything at all. You can't "stop" the rain.

So instead, you find a way to accept it. Yes, it's raining, yes the tire is flat. You'll change it quickly and then get back into your dry car. So that's the key. Not to be thrilled about it - but to accept it.

With the neighbors, you don't have to love them! But being all grumpy about it is just ruining your own day because of them. Which isn't right. Instead, you find a way to accept it. Maybe you consider that those people must be REALLY miserable in their own lives if all they can do on their one special "vacation day" is go around complaining about it!

I mean, they go up there, a long drive undoubtedly, and once they get there they don't even sit and enjoy their home. They walk around being upset! What kind of personality would do that? How sad must they be all day normally too? They're sitting in their vacation home and all they can focus on is the "problems"?

My suggestion would be that they next time they come over, you treat is as a celebration. The strangers are back! Go over proactively with a plate of cookies and talk about the gorgeous views and happy environment. Get to know them. I bet they feel like strangers and outsiders in "their own home" and that makes an us-vs-them mentality. I bet if they feel more welcomed that they'll be more friendly.

Jeanette - I would bet she is scared and uncomfortable in the new job and this is her way of letting off her inner fears. How about you get a copy of this book and leave it on your desk for a few days and then mention to her that you love the book. Assuming she doesn't comment on it first. Rave about how great it is and suggest that you could lend it to her if she wanted.

Jill -

Time to be proactive. Buy some cookies. Go over and be a friendly neighbor and be nice. Praise their home, their view, their decor. Get to know them. Ask them about the cool construction they're doing. Find out how long they're going to be doing it

hmmmmm, cookies. We have cookies. Everyone likes chocolate chip, right? I will bring them some cookies.

Thanks, Lisa. So, it's "choose your attitude" basically? That I love and agree with. Although, I sometimes have a hard time remembering!

My ex and I used to have "disagreements" about this a lot. He just couldn't see he had a choice about how he reacted if something bothered him. He wanted to get all riled up over everything (mostly external things like other drivers or neighbors or stupid people in general) and that just didn't make sense to me. Plus, I was the receiver of all the venom--he almost never confronted the people he was mad at. And, he couldn't see how his yelling and ranting bothered me!

So, when I had raging PMS and my hormones were choosing nastiness as my reaction, well, you can imagine.

I'll put the book on my list, but really, living alone, I don't get the opportunity to complain much. And, reading your posts here has made me more mindful of when I do.

Cookies are great! I'd love some.

Good idea. I have taken quotes I have found that are realated to optimism. She comments on those sometimes.

Deb - it sounds like a good thing that he is your ex! It's interesting, sometimes people who live alone then complain a lot when they go out because it's their way of getting attention. So I guess it all depends on your personality!

Jeanette - if she's commenting on optimistic quotes that's a good sign. She wants to see things in a better light but is having trouble doing it right now.