BellaOnline Forums Religion and Spirituality Buddhism Go 21 Days Without Whining

The study on complaining said that it is all about intention. You can say "It is raining today" and have it be praise because you're so happy the rain is watering your garden. You can say "It is raining today" and have it be a curse, that you are so furious that the rain ruined your plans.

So I think if you say honestly "There is nothing here I can eat" that that is a solid statement of fact, and an indication that you need to find something else more appropriate. If anything I think it would be a cause for action - to go find the customer service desk and ask them to bring in some low carb cookies

I *did* complain last night, as I knew I would soon. Not that I sensed complaining in my future, but I am new at this so I am cutting myself slack to make mistakes. We were working on the desk problem. My big heavy desk is blocking an outlet. We plugged the UPS into it thinking that was a great solution, that we would never have to change it once the desk was in place - but forgetting that UPS batteries have a lifespan. Mine died about a month ago. So I've had this dead UPS stuck under my desk and a new UPS next to it (these things are large) and Bob wanted me to empty out the ENTIRE set of shelves and content which I was diligently doing but I was running out of space to even put things. The house was not neat to begin with.

So finally I started grumping about this all and told him to just CUT A HOLE in the back panel of the desk and be done with it. And he didn't want to risk cutting into the wall behind the desk. And I said there was a good 2" clearance and I could manage it myself with the Dremel tool and a tiny blade. And then I said "And I know I'm complaining and I am just not wearing my bracelet for the next hour because this is going to be hopeless right now"

So it was a stressful project but when it got done it is SO SO much better. There is a hole right over the outlet. We can get to it. I reloaded the shelves with only half as many books, so it is much more open and I'm going to review and donate all the other books which really I don't need. The shelves are under less strain. Yes they're solid wood shelves but I had many VERY heavy books on them. So everything is good.

My office is much cleaner! The old UPS is in the trash! Hurrah!

I realize some of this may be complaining about the process so I'm happy to start again from now

It took me a lot of work to get that even remotely wine shaped, so that's about the limits of my shaping talents

OK I'll see what I can do on the bracelet!

I ALMOST complained just now but stopped myself right in mid-speech and changed what i said into something more positive. I was talking about how I at last allowed myself the time to organize my bookmarks on my computer. I almost said 'it was a pain in the a$$ before,' but instead said 'it's nice and neat now'...

so it's working! I guess the point is to have it become automatic?

That is awesome Jilly!! Definitely it is working! You have a fantastic, organized bookmark area now! Great job!

I was feeling grumpy by the time Bob got home because he was out all day playing golf and helping friends with their carpenter ants, and in the meantime only I am cleaning the house and organizing things and such. I want him to spend some time on our projects instead of always out somewhere. So I think I had to move the bracelet six times just when we went out to Walmart because I was feeling frustrated. But we did get some important supplies for the organization process. So that's a good thing.

And really, the book is right. I'm sure Bob just got defensive about my grumpiness so it didn't help anything, me being like that. It just made me unhappy and him unhappy. If instead I had figured out a more encouraging way to get us to spend some time on projects then he would be happy to help, I would be thrilled that projects were getting accomplished and neither of us would have stress damaging our health. So I have to figure that out.

I have been working on being Complaint Free since last November. I've made it to 18 days several times, and last Thursday I made it to the morning of my 21st day - then I had a BF (*** fit). I started over, and actually ended up getting so frustrated at something that I took my bracelet off and shot it across the room like a rubber band HA HA!!! So, now I'm back - Day 2.

Deanna, that is a funny story!

I am still having trouble deciding what a complaint is. Yesterday I made a joke to make DH laugh, but it was by calling our one set of mean neighbors, "meanies." I said just that. They don't even qualify as part-timers. I think they show up once or twice a year to just knock on everyone's door on our little street to yell at us all over various small things. And then we never see them again until next time. It's kinda a funny situation.

I said, "looks like they came in just the one day so far to be insulting to everyone on the street. Meanies."

It was true, and Dan laughed, but I am not sure if this was a complaint.

I haven't read the book you guys are following. Living alone and working mostly from home, I don't think I complain a lot and I'm trying to fix other stuff now. But, I am interested and think it's a great idea.

But, I think "complain" means you want someone to change something, right? Like you complain about a meal because you want someone to a--get you a new one, or b--know about their mistake so they can fix it next time. This is my service industry background view of a complaint. These, I always welcomed so I could have an opportunity to make it right for the customer and to fix whatever was wrong in the system that made it happen.

Or, do you mean "whining" which to me is just generic complaining (with a nasally voice) because you're miserable.

Or, what I think you were doing is "observing" and okay, "opining" (Is that the word for stating an opinion?)

One of my issues with not complaining is that nothing ever gets fixed if nobody says "Hey, there are too many potholes in this road." Again, I didn't read the book, and I'm sure the author didn't mean become complacent.

But, I'm probably wrong and you were supposed to shout with joy "oh, look, the far-away people are back to straighten us all out again! Whoopee!"

Don't you mean, 'whine-shaped'....?

Both of you just made me laugh here - too great!

Hi Jilly,

I wouldn't say that what you said about the "meanies" was a complaint. I think we are either accepting of something (oops, they got my coffee wrong - oh well), we are willing to change something (oops, my coffee is wrong - could you fix that for me) or we whine (egads, you got my coffee wrong again! What's wrong with you people!)

As for your neighbors, it doesn't sound like you can change them, so may as well just have your private joke to make the situation more acceptable.

Just my thoughts