Hello all. I woke up a little grouchy today, and feel like venting.

I am taking some online courses in medical transcription. I am not working and it is taking me a lot longer to finish than I thought it would. So, I have that guilt every day about how I am not contributing to our finances and that feeling of...hmmm...worthlessness I guess...that you get when you are not working. Every day I try to think of the fact that I AM in school. Maybe not the "regular" school some automatically think of, but it IS school and I am trying to progress myself in some way. My fiance is able to support us finacially, for which I know how lucky I am and very greatfull for that, but any other support from him is nonexistant.
Not one time has he come home and asked how MY day was, or what I learned, or how I am doing. The only thing he has ever said to me about my school is wanting to know how much longer I have so he can look for a new job. I understand he hates his job, and I don't blame him for that one bit. I would hate it too doing what he is doing. But when he was in school I did everything I possibly could to support him in every way I knew how. I worked my butt off at a [censored] job to try and keep up with the bills, I helped him study all the time, I took it upon myself to do all the house work so he could concentrate on his studies, I listened to him when he had a rough day, and I showed him my appreciation for what he was doing for us.
Is it too much to ask for just a little bit of the same? Any time I try to talk about school, or my fears of not doing well, or having a hard day, basically his response is "oh, yea? Sorry baby" then back to watching TV. I still do all the house work with no help from him. And I don't feel like I can say anything about it because I am not working! How easily a man can get used to having all that done for him.

I don't want to peg all men as being the same, and I know that men are just different from women. But why is it so hard for some to look outside of their tunnel vision and see that things are not always about them and what they want?

I know. I should talk to him, I know! Sometimes I just wait for him to say something, because I am ready to go (!) and let him know how I am feeling. Then, of course, he never does. I have a hard time just bringing something up just out of the blue. And a lot of the time he comes home from working 12 hours and I just don't want to make his day worse.

Anyway, I feel a tad better now. I will just keep plugging away with school. I know I will be done some day and can be rid of this self-inflicting guilt. Thank you all for letting me vent for the day!

Yes, you definitely need to talk with him - before all this bottled up frustration you are feeling turns into a major attack, and you guys don't have a rational discussion but a major blow-out.

Maybe you can set up one weekend to have some time with him. Let him know how you are feeling, and ask him why he doesn't seem interested in what you are doing.

Because for right now school is a major part of your life, and if he is showing this little interest in your life now, you might want to re-think marriage.

I know it has been said over and over again but the key to any relationship is COMMUNICATION. Without it, tiny flames of annoyance becomes a bonfire of anger issues unresolved.

You are contributing to your relationship by taking courses for a better job.

Talk to him; let him know how you feel and don't have him brush you off. What he is doing is called "emotional detachment syndrome." You are hurt because he seems apathetic about what you are doing during your day. You feel, and rightly so, that he doesn't care enough about you to ask!

It sounds like you have already made your "payment" into the joint upkeep of your relationship by supporting him financially while he studied. He is now doing the same for you. That's a "contract" of sorts. Is it because your study is taking longer than his did? Perhaps if he feels he is worse off in this deal, then it could be contributing to his resentment and lack of interest in what you are doing. Maybe you need to sit down and outline this "contract" (include the housework you do, and the financial contributions) and decide together if you both feel it is fair. Then you need to negotiate if either of you find issues that are not: perhaps you can make an agreement that you will find a job as soon as you graduate which will allow him to leave his; likewise he might agree to show more interest and appreciation and support of what you are doing.

I was married the first time for 12 years to a man who didn't believe in education - just working hard. But he was supportive of me - and we always talked about what we wanted out of life (not that it always worked). I worked until after our 2nd son was born. We both decided i would stay at home this time (our older was just starting school) - we worked it out financially and knew it would be a strain -but decided it was better for us. He worked outside the home and me inside. I did the housework-cooked-cleaned-paid the bills (with OUR money) - he would NEVER say - HIS - wouldn't dare! His payck went into our account and i pd the bills and kept things afloat. I would take side jobs that i could do at home - and for 3 years we did this - i decided i wanted to go back to school to get my degree - and work part time - it was hard - but worth it! My kids were in school - and we had to deal with daycare - and all that fun stuff - but when that happened i ASKED for more help. I couldn't do it all anymore - so he tried. At least he tried.

We argued over money and how it was being spent (he was a baseball player) but - it was together we decided. He never said - YOU DON"T MAKE THE MONEY - never. If there was something he or i really wanted - we tried to work it out. We didn't always agree - but it seemed to work at the time.