It is critical for decision making that you make the decision when you are in a spot of calm. People who make decisions while stressed and frazzled tend to make poor judgment calls. Athletes and researchers often talk about being "in the zone" - where they are really connected to what they are doing, have a sense of peace and make fantastic moves and decisions. Firefighters train for years so that in an emergency they are NOT hyper - they are under control, know what to do, and react properly.

Let's just start with 10 minutes. Are you able to get yourself into a place of peace and quiet for just 10 minutes, so that you can sit down and make decisions about what your goals are for the coming months? How do you achieve that calm? A key is being content with yourself for those 10 minutes. Not resigned, not angry, not "Sure I'm stuck being xxxx pounds, doesn't this suck". But more of a "OK, this is my starting point. I accept it. I'm xxxx pounds. Now I need a plan."

Let us know what your obstacles are to achieving this calm starting point, and we'll help out!

Firstly, I am happy! I have a great life, beautiful home and wonderful husband.

But there are lots of things happening in my life which are causing me to be up-tight! I feel just so out of control and not much I can do to control any of these things.

(1) I was asked by one of my client companies to apply for a national marketing manager position but the job, despite me doing much of it remotely, will probably go to someone who lives in the head office city. That's ok by me but if it does go to someone else then I will probably lose the work I do contractually for this company and it is the majority of our income.
(1a)I am not getting recognition for the huge amount of work I have done for them much of which has been taken over or copied in-house.
(2) The company hasn't paid 7 of my last invoices. I have chased them and they will pay next week - but it is putting us in a bit of tight position because:
(3) We are settling on the purchase of a Pizzeria in a week's time. My son will live in and run it, but the bank wouldn't lend us quite enough money so we have to dig into our savings and will probably have no leeway should anything get tight.
(4) My husband and I will have to work in this Pizzeria more than we planned because we probably won't have the income upon which the loan was based, so we'll have to replace some of the staff so we have personal income to pay the loan.
(5) Menopause is still driving me nuts after 8 years with sleepless nights and numerous hot flushes and probably mood swings, not to mention the tiredness and weight gain which is highly uncomfortable.

These things come on top of a lot of other things in the past 2 years. (sudden death of a beloved brother, husband kidney & tumour removal, sale of our other business, living in temporary accommodation and then travelling because we couldn't get back into our own home, the tenants left our property with about $13,000 of repairs but they got their bond back and our insurance company said it was all wear and tear, and we had to fight another real estate agent (through the court) for our deposit on a property that the owners made too hard to buy by putting the price up $30,000 after signing a contract with us)

I think I'm just tired.....

We are a family in transistion. My Hubby & I are on our way to Virginia, and I am leaving my home town for the first time. I have visited other places, but Florida is home. Also, my 16 year old twins will stay with their Father her in Florida, which all three are very happy for the opportunity to live with their Dad. I am just excited and sad at the same time: excited for new challenges and scenery, and sad because I will miss my family terribly. But I keep hearing a little voice telling my "Change is good."

I am frustrated because I feel stuck. I am behind on my writing, depressed because of the injury I received from my daughter and the fact she refuses to accept responsibility and stressed to the max about getting the garden taken care of and all the produce canned.

So far this month I have not done a thing other than can and freeze produce. I need to get back to writing, back to my job of taking phone calls. I just feel really discouraged.

Suggestions anyone?

Sheri

Sheri - I take it you work from home? If so, I have similar problems because people do not respect your work space or your work time.

I often have kids home from college (who invite all their other college friends which is great most of the time) also kids with major exams and events and all of a sudden it is not just the odd day that gets taken up, but you realise that in fact you have something in the way of your writing every day! of a particular week. Now that Is depressing!

I'm afraid you will have to be quietly assertive and actually verbalise the fact that no, you don't appreciate unsolicited company,you are not bored but actually very busy!

Either that, or just wonder (like me) whether working from home is actually such a good idea after all. Grab a notebook/laptop and head out the door to a park/beauty spot for the day - all by yourself to write - bliss!

Yes, I do work from home and have thought of the laptop idea. I wondered if being outside would stimulate me to work better or cause the work to get put off even more.

Hubby has a really erratic schedule. Usually he has weekdays off. His schedule changes from week to week making it really hard to make a commitment to my schedule. There is no work other than outside work done here on my part on the days when he is home. Trying to write or take phone calls on those days just leads me to more frustration.

I do have an office and have said over and over again to leave me alone when I am in my office.

I think just sharing this is making me feel somewhat better. Now if I could just get inspired to write.

Thanks,
Sheri

Yes, I have this problem all the time. Changing schedules for either partner are very hard to work around - but put the greater strain on the one who is at home working.

Here is what I would do - head for a beautiful lake,pond,river,park or stream with some garden/nature books and my notebook. Lie down and soak up the sun for 20 mins. Sit up, look around at nature - and write! (I find the writing takes over after 2 minutes!)

Take back your writing. Or write a vacation journal like mine below (helps take the pressure off - just writing a scribbling blog)

Felicity - wow, you definitely have a ton on your plate! Definitely I wouldn't discount your "I'm tired" thought - if we don't get enough sleep, we can't deal with problems as easily as we might otherwise. But even if you were fully rested and fresh in the morning, you still have a *ton* of things to juggle.

Losing a job is always a rough thing, no matter how it happens. It sounds like you are doing a good job of preparing for that event and have a road map laid out of what you will do. It may actually be a really good thing, long term - freeing your time and energy up for something better. You're not getting recognition from them. They're not paying your bills on time. They are causing you a lot of stress. By not having them in your life, it will mean something MUCH better CAN come into your life.

So yes, certainly get your invoices paid! And if it does end up being a parting-of-the-ways, let us know and we'll throw a big celebration for you. A "Cleansing of the spirit" celebration where you are free to pursue your dreams. It is so important to realize when these things have a positive part!

That is AWESOME that you will be a pizzeria owner!! Talk about a dream job for many people! You will be the neighborhood hot spot!! When you get the final sales, post about that in the SOHO forum and we will all celebrate! I'm sure we can all brainstorm for you on ways to get free publicity, we can do some free graphic work for you, and get things started. I am sure if we all work together that it will be a roaring success!

And when it is, you will have fun working there because everyone will love it. It'll be like Cheers where everybody knows your name. Plus you'll make an income from it. So it can be the best decision you've ever made

On the menopause, I have several friends who are going through that so I know it's not easy. Hopefully our menopause forum is helping with that!

So I think you are in an AWESOME place. Your learning experience troubles are behind you. You are now in a great home, you are about to take on a REALLY cool business and leave behind one that was using you. We will help you thrive even better

Kriss -

I imagine that will be a fun but emotional change! Virginia is REALLY pretty, and you can make all sorts of new friends, have a whole ton of new places to see and visit. I know you'll miss the twins, but think that they'd be off in college soon anyway, so they would be off away from home somewhere distant at that point. So this is just like an "early college".

Luckily with the internet you can keep in touch on an hourly basis - I email my dad and mom and son far more than I ever saw them in person. In fact you sometimes learn more about someone emailing them than talking in person (or at least learn different things about them).

There will be a lot of challenges you'll hit as you move in - especially cleaning and organizing I imagine - but we're here to help with those! I used to move every year for many years in a row, so just post away if you get stuck on something and we'll get you unstuck

Lisa, I sure appreciate this topic. It comes at just the right moment. I have a great life, and I love it. However, we just offered our guest room upstairs to a friend who found herself homeless. She has a daughter, age 13. We made a mistake. She's encroached on my life way more than I anticipated, and I am feeling almost constant anger. Feeling sucked in and used. Praying a lot. DH and I are trying to decide how to handle the sticky situation.

What a great topic!

Bettyann, this is a really tough situation to be in. You are trying to be a good person, opening your home to this woman and her child...and are now being taken advantage of.

Somehow you need to tell this person, "it's not working," and that she has to leave. It's your home. Your space. You tried and that's all anyone can ask of you.

We can help you get ready for The Talk with her if you are uncomfortable with confrontation. But you will absolutely need to do it. So I would start looking for ways to get centered and do things to take care of yourself right now. Really. It will go better, the talk, when you feel calm and assertive.

Do what you know helps you - go out to eat with DH, play with your pets, paint or be creative, do yoga, go for a walk, take a bath, listen to your music in your own private world of headphones from your favorite spot. Get a pedicure. See a movie or go to the zoo. These are all things that help me. Think about things that don't annoy you for a few hours.

When you decide to talk, we will help you with it. Just don't wait too long. It will be best done soonish!

Sheri -

The forgiving-your-daughter issue is a really big one so I made an entire thread about it -

Forgiving

that is SO hard to do - but so critical for your health.

On finding time for writing, I've read biographies of several writers and in pretty much every case they began by being really stressed and having no time to write. They had to literally set their alarm clock an hour early to wake up and squeeze in some writing before their hectic day began. They had to struggle to squish in the time - but it was something they felt very strongly about and they literally "made" the time.

There are all sorts of tricks to getting in time to write, is this fiction or non-fiction writing? I'll start a thread for you in the matching forum! We can definitely help you make that time and enjoy it

And then hopefully if you are able to forgive your daughter and find time to write each day, that will help you to feel content about the space you're in - and make plans to improve things going forwards!

BettyAnn - this is SUCH a hard situation. I do not envy you at all. It is so hard to "evict" anyone - never mind a friend. But like you said, there is a point where charity crosses into being abused.

It is something we were talking about in other threads, in relation to many current best-selling books - Eat Pray Love, and Three Cups of Tea. In both cases a nice person offered charity and the recipient began taking advantage of it.

As the "giver" you have a responsibility to yourself - and to others who depend on you - to draw the line. You can't let yourself be drained dry. I know it's really hard. You shouldn't be in this position. But as the books say, you have to deal with the situation you're in. You need to be gentle but firm. You have done your best to help, but you cannot allow your own world to be destroyed. There are MANY other organizations out there whose purpose in life is to help out. They need to start taking charge of their lives and hook up with one of those organizations. You do not have the money or training to help her on with her next stage.

Your health is really being affected by this. You shouldn't try to "grin and bear it". Only you will speak up for yourself. She DOES have other options. It is time she take the responsibility to go after them. Give a reasonable deadline, but then hold firm to it. Help her move - but she MUST move.

Wow! Sometimes, just reading what someone else is going through, makes you want to relax and look at your own life for a moment.

We all experience different things in different ways. And we handle things differently. Yet, if we don't take the time to get quiet and really tune into our inner self and tune everything else out, there will always be chaos--I know from experience.

I really should be sleep right now! But, I have had a lot of stress on my plate lately. And you know what a good friend reminded me of today? That I am not alone. That, there are people in my life that love me, and if I need to unburden myself, they are there.

Sometimes we get caught up in being every one else's caretaker, and we forget to take care of ourselves. We also have a tendency to be scared of change. But sometimes,life calls for a change: a change of scenery, a change of positions, a change of attitude, a change in the way we do things.

You know what I'm learning? To let people in. I am not a superhero! I cannot do everything all the time, and be everything to everyone. Especially at the expense of myself. If I don't take care of me, then I cannot help anyone else.

That ten minute break is excellent! And, you sure hit it right on the head, Lisa! For me, worrying about XXX number of pounds, on top of all the other things! For what? If I concentrate on the negative, I don't have room for the positive!

Ten minutes sounds refreshing! My gram used to power nap! She was a beautician, and when I'd work in the salon, she'd tell me to keep an eye on everything, she was taking a 15 minute power nap! Sometimes, she wouldn't sleep, just rest her eyes and her thoughts, she would say. After her fifteen minutes, she was totally refreshed and ready for another four or five hours! She truly amazed me!

Well, I gather this was my rest. Writing is quite cathartic for me. It helps me to unwind! So, thanks for this wonderful thread!
I hope everyone gets the rest they need, and reaches their goals this summer!

My goals this summer? Publishing my first novella and novel under my own publishing company, losing weight, and becoming more familiar and comfortable with all the tools that Bella has to offer!

Blessings and good night!
Ruthe

You are so exactly right! We have to take care of ourselves so that we can then take care of others. In airplanes you put on your own air mask before you help children and others around you.

Your gram sounds quite wise

The biggest thing for me this past year has been avoiding dread.

I used to dread everything. It would bind me up to the point of procrastination.

Now I refuse to dread. If I don't want to do it but have to do it, oh well. The sooner started, the better. And when I go into it with a better attitude I always find it wasn't bad as I thought it was going to be.

After really thinking through, I also realized that a lot of my dread comes from being afraid of losing control, a leftover from my type-A OCD that I'm now recovering from. I realized that the one thing I CAN control is my attitude!

Therefore, my challenge is to be joyful in all my circumstances and thankful for all my blessings, versus focusing on what I don't like or don't want or what is going wrong.

Getting rid of dread has been HUGE for me this year. It's allowed me to get so much done. No more procrastinating. And I'm a lot happier. Just ask my family.

:-) Cate

You know, I've been without a center for so long, it seems weird to think that I'm actually in a rather centered state... For the past 8 years, if it wasn't one thing it would be something else: I've had health issues that no-one faces until they're middle aged -- which lead doctors to misdiagnose and then not want to treat because I'm "just too young to have THAT," I've had more than my fair share of [censored] jobs and evil bosses, had the joy of an arranged marriage... And, yet, here I sit, strangely contented.

That's not to say life isn't crazy, but it's funny -- suddenly all the wonderful things around me are coming to the surface again. We bought a wonderful condo, in a wonderful (quiet, serene, full of nature) neighborhood, with great neighbors... I'm working something like 3 jobs, plus trying to start my own thing, and writing for bella.... The hubby and I are revelling in every minute we can spend with our cats in our travel trailer... And, even through 3 grueling play productions in 1 month -- which, I think might actually be enough to make me tell someone "NO" in the future -- I survived, I'm getting back into my routine, and I'm still cheerful!

I wish I could say what had changed... Maybe it would help you guys through your craziness... But, since I can't say I know, I hope that what ever it was changes for you guys soon... So that your craziness can be met head on, and you guys come out on the calm end soon.

I'm not sure how many of you read my article on the death of my son Clinton but since he passed away this February my life has not been the same. Parents should never have to bury their children...it just doesn't seem natural. At 17 years of age he had so much to live for and yet God saw fit to take him from this earth.

Now I try to educate all on heart problems since Clinton died from an undiagnosed congenital heart problem. I try to tell all youth especially active ones to get your heart checked each year.

Grief is not a constant for me...it comes in waves but with my faith I have been able to struggle back to a type of normalcy.

10 minutes of no stress is a dream...but it is something I'm going to work towards.

Blessing to all,

Candace

Cate - that is *awesome*!! I am sure that many of us get wound up in worries about the future and we spend so much time worrying that we stop enjoying what we have or making any steps towards a future!

You are so right - if we just plow ahead and do something, rarely is it as bad as we imagined. And then it is done and in the past!

We definitely have to *plan* for the future. But once we have a plan, we should act on it. To waste time and energy worrying about something that hasn't happened yet is a lot of precious energy that could have gone to something productive. Think if we could store all that energy up and use it for our health! Instead, we let the worry damage our health.

Good for you on making that change! You're an inspiration

Cindy, that is so awesome that you are finding real peace in your world. It does sound like you had a lot stacked up against you, but you found a way to work through it and to get to a good place.

Yes definitely saying "no" to an overwhelming request is really so key! We are all brought up to say "yes" and to keep taking on tasks. In the end only we can stand up for ourselves. And we have to, to keep ourselves healthy. Maybe just two plays at a time the next time around

Candace -

You really are going through some rough times, and I don't think any of us imagine you can be "happy" right now. Hopefully we can help you find a way to find peace for 10 minutes, a sense that your son is in a better place, and that while you miss him, you are honoring his memory with a legacy of saving other children from a similar issue.

This is a great topic! I was on my way to finding a centered place, then school ended and I have 2 boys at home My schedule is nonexistent. I have to share my laptop until the PC gets up and running smoothly (DH cobbled one together from bits and pieces).

I feel like there are so many "have to dos" that I don't get to the "want to dos" like writing, photography and all those other things. (I actually just found a drawing pad and watercolor pencils I bought myself two years ago that I never even cracked open!)

I used to wait until they were asleep to do these things, but at 8 and 10 some nights I'm done in before them And my 10 yr old loves to talk, so he doesn't just watch TV or read while I write or whatever. He follows me and TALKS! Sometimes I joke that I need a sensory deprivation tank at the end of the day.

Laura - it's a challenge if you have to share your computer - but maybe this frees you up to do other things! You want to do photography and drawing, neither of those involve a computer! So in your non-computer times, how about wandering around your yard taking photos of random things, and doing some drawing! Even if it's five minutes, call it your "Five Minute Challenge". That can easily be a "walking meditation". Do a "five minute challenge" drawing where you try to do just one small little thing. Don't worry about big time blocks for now. Enjoy and relish the small ones.

That way you feel like you've made progress, and the times you DO get onto the computer, it's yet another treat in your life

If your family is alive and active at the end of the day - how about the beginning? Is there any way to wake up a half hour early and make that your "special mommy time" when everybody knows you are in your quiet, meditation spot?

Thanks, Jilly & Lisa! Actually, last night after I wrote that message, DH had a talk with our friend and told her she couldn't live with us if she didn't have a job. That was the BIG thing I was upset about. I believe in working. I was raised that way. And after you have a child, well....

So guess what, this morning she's up bright and early and going off to find a job. Don't know if she'll find one or not, but it got her moving. He also told her we have a deadline for her to be out, by the time school goes back here. This morning, as she was leaving, I asked her when her daughter's school went back, and she said, "August 9th." I says, "Hmmm, that's hardly little over a month away." Just to give her the reminder that her time is slipping away.

Oh, Cate, I really relate to the "dread" thing. I've been like that too and trying to change. I think I spend more time on putting off doing something than I actually spend just doing it. I'm the queen of procrastination! I think one of my problems is that I KNOW I can work under stress really well. So I push myself to do projects at the last minute. Maybe it's the adrenaline that I like.

But, as you said, "Therefore, my challenge is to be joyful in all my circumstances and thankful for all my blessings, versus focusing on what I don't like or don't want or what is going wrong," that sounds a lot more peaceful to me, and I'm going to see if I can get this under better control. Thanks for posting that. It REALLY helped me.

Hi, Yes, I was reminded a few days ago of how much it helps to be in a place (physical place) that is relaxing when you are writing. If you are surrounded by relaxation, you can think more clearly and get more done more quickly. It's easier to focus. I had gone to a "green expo" at a housing development (a country club)that was being held in the clubhouse. They were giving advice on how to make your home more efficient and also clean for the environment - or you could buy one of their houses that they are in the process of building - all of which are entirely eco-friendly.

In their lobby - overlooking flowing water and surrounded by the silouettes of mountains on a blue sky - they offered a bank of computers with Internet. Sitting in that comfortable room, with peace and quiet and the perfect room temperature, plenty of light and space around - with light-colored, casual but elegant interior decorating - I was really zenned in to what I was writing about. Your surroundings can reduce your stress and help you get more done even if you only have 10 minutes. Maybe each individual has a certain type of physical environment that is more conducive for reducing stress.

Bettyann that is AWESOME news! It sounds like you handled that perfectly! I agree completely, if someone needs money, they should find a way to work. There are lots of jobs out there. They're not all glamorous, but they help pay the bills.

It definitely makes sense for her to be settled in a new place for when school starts.

I definitely understand the "get a jolt from stress" idea. A lot of us get hung up on that stress, the excitement, the trauma. We think that stress is "good" because it's high energy. But really, humans work so much more clearly and smoothly and productively when we're "in the zone". Some people think a revolution works best - but revolutions are violent, and often don't solve anything. Changes that happen peacefully, with everyone working together, are the ones that tend to stick and create long lasting success.

It's easy to get addicted to great highs - and then deal with the great lows that follow. If instead you find a strong, even keel, it is SO much more powerful. It's just like blood sugar. It's easy to love the sugar highs - but once you see how nice it is to have a smooth, even ride, you realize how deceptive the previous way was.

Wow! I really love this post. I'm very slowly learning the same thing, but you put it into words that really make sense to me.

"Refuse to dread". That is going to become my new motto. Thank you Cate!

Thanks Lisa...yeah he is in a better place and knowing that keeps me going. I know that with each passing day God will bring me closer to healing.

Thanks so much for your support.

C

I could try the five minute challenge I guess I fear as soon as I go to do something the bickering will start. And my boys get up early too, so mornings aren't good (unless I get up before dawn, which will NEVER happen!) I think I need to realize that things won't fall apart if I leave the room for 10 minutes. That's a hard mom lesson to learn. Another challenge is that I need quiet time and my boys are very noisy.

Lisa,
Thanks for the encouragement, i like that, "early college". I am thankful my sons have such a strong family base here. It helps with the move. Also, I am looking forward to meeting new people, I think I grow when I am out of my comfort zone.

Sheri,

I have had writers block before, and it is frustrating. What I have found to be helpful is member feedback, and forum discussions. If there is a hot topic that people are discussing, that helps me generate ideas.

Laura -

I know it's tough - me and my sister used to fight all the time. But it's actually something kids need to learn how to work through on their own. If parents always intervene, then they don't learn the skills themselves.

I would start thinking of this as "independence training" for you Find something to do outside for ten minutes. Take your camera out to take pictures of something from lots of angles. If the house catches on fire, I'm sure you'll know Get yourself used to letting the kids learn those coping skills!

On the noise side, one solution is to spend time outside if they're inside and visa versa. Another solution is to get yourself some noise-canceling headphones (which I *highly* recommend) and play some relaxing music while you work or read. A third solution is to teach the boys that a certain period of time is "quiet time" where they can do something quietly - read, watch TV, play video games - but that the noise levels need to be low for that time. You can start with 1/2 hr and move up from there

Rotate between all of them!

Definitely if anybody has writer's block, post in the creativity forum. We'll guarantee to give you 20 or more ideas of things to add into your idea box!

Thanks for the advice Lisa, I will remember that when I do have writers block. Thanks!

Mary Caliendo
Tea Editor

Many of us also carry a little notebook around with us in our purse, so when ideas hit us we write them down. You can easily fill up pages of your notebook in a few days and that way when you get stuck you just flip through the pages to find ideas.

Great ideas Lisa, I'll try some out.

Mary - I think I missed your post! You are SO right that the environment we are in can make it much easier to relax and get in the zone. If you try to do that with screaming kids, bad smells and traffic noise, it can be pretty much impossible.

But if you have your favorite music on, or a white noise generator, and a candle of your favorite scent, and a beautiful painting on the wall in front of you, what a difference it can make!

When people have carved out that 10 minute moment of peace, breathe in the relaxation and then think about what priorities in life would really make you happy!

Here is our thread on setting your priorities -

Setting Priorities

Great point about de-stressing for ten minutes, Lisa. However, for many women who are trying to achieve balance in life rushing from activity to activity, ten minutes might be difficult. Let's try five minutes to cultivate a relaxation response. And by the way make sure to practice relaxation during the good times, as in this way you will have a knee-jerk reaction during the rough times when you need it most. Since one size does not fit all, here are some suggestions: Deep breathing (try inhaling and exhaling through your nose, making the exhalation longer), visualization where you are in a happy place and you give yourself a special affirmation, a five minute burst of exercise (just put on the music and move) or a spot of humor. Cultivate your own ritual and have fun with it. Try out different screen savers or experiment with essential oil fragrances which relax you. Stress will always land on your doorstep, but you don't have to open the door!

That's so true!! Five minutes is an awesome start. I find deep breathing really helps with me

I wanted to comment that today there were several instances when I was trying to get somewhere and hit a red light. I used that time to do deep breathing exercises and quiet focus - and it was really wonderful

How is everybody doing with their calming and destressing? Are you finding your world becomes more calm?

Just a reminder - once you find a calm place, go on to stop 2 which is setting priorities!

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Hi Lisa,

Just read the posts here about finding the calm in my life. I just wanted to mention that my calm place is praying to God. It is the only way I find peace by spending time with him. He gives me that calm and relaxation I need to make it through.

In times past I've suffered with depression and a whole host of other mental problems, but never been diagnosed or on medication. Meditation is my out of a stressful and chaotic world. Not yoga or zen or any of those sort of things. It's just a humbling of heart before my Heavenly Father. This is where I can get quiet without ridcule and not only do I come away more relax and at peace but I also come away with wisdom and insight into my life and the world around me sparking my creative juices to get going again.

At a seminar, we were given 1 minute to go on a vacation.

The speaker had us close our eyes and keep them shut until she told us to open them.

We were supposed to imagine a place that we loved to be. We were instructed to use our 5 senses - we should "hear" the familiar sounds in the area, we should "taste" any food that we had eaten, we should revisit the "feel" of anything we touched, we were to "see" everything all over again, "smell" everything that you remember.

For example, if a favorite memory is sitting in your grandmother's overstuffed chair eating chocolate pie, you would retaste and resmell the pie. You would refeel the way that chair felt. You would rehear background noises - maybe the ticking of a clock... You would resee the rug or the floor, the chair and anything else that helped bring back that memory.

If you were to stop doing what you are doing right now and set an audible kitchen timer for one minute - you would see it is a long time!

Perfect for a little mini-vacation.

Add to the list exercise (I love yoga especially), singing with people (especially in a spiritual/religious space), and doing CRAFTS!!! Whenever I get around to sitting down and knitting (badly) or making Christmas tree ornaments or whatever, I feel my blood pressure SERIOUSLY lower

thinking on Jesus
thinking on blessings
yoga and meditation every now and then...

I know it may sound intuitive, but I have been working hard to get my to-do lists all organized and to diligently work through them. I really find I am sleeping better and am feeling less stressed! Even if the list is large, just being able to cross off an item or two every day really helps. I highly recommend taking some time to organize your world.

Time to start again in 2009! Find a way to find a calm center for 10 minutes. Just ten minutes of your life can be calm, quiet and your own. Make that schedule for 10 minutes of your very own, so that you can then begin the priority process!

Once you are able to find that calm space, move on to the priority thread!

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Hi Lisa,

I hadn't put things into that perspective but it is an excellent idea. I'm like some of the others here in that 2008 ended with a lot of unfinished business. My daughter is separated from her husband and it is tearing my grandsons apart which in turn is tearing me apart. I left my job in Nov. to pursue other things that seemed so clear at the time but now all seem a little overwhelming. I have told my friends in the past over and over that God never closes a door without opening a window. Reading through all the responses I realize I need to calm down! Time for me to believe what I tell others and take 10 minutes every day for myself to calm down and put it all in perspective for that day instead of trying to make a lifetime worth of decisions in the 10 minutes before I go to sleep every night. Thanks for helping me see that I can't possibly solve all my dilemmas in one day! I once read the following but then apparently promptly forgot it!

For peace of mind, resign as general manager of the universe. ~ Author Unknown

Yes most definitely we need to keep ourselves healthy so we can help others. It's like we've said many times in here - on an airline, when the oxygen bags drop, you have to put your own on first. Only by having your own on can you help out others. If you don't put your own oxygen on, then everybody will fail. Start with yourself, get yourself healthy and then you can be 100% there to help others out.

Find a way to schedule in your 10 minutes of calm! Even if it's just while you sip tea in the morning, or as you prepare for sleep at night!

Amazing. With this thread, I can grow my mind about this.

Trying to reduce stress for 10 minutes is harder than we think, particularly in busy families and workplaces. Trying to switch off from commitments and work assignments may feel impossible - so theres only one thing which works for me - taking a walk!

It's great, combining relaxation with weight loss and exercise and clearing your head so you can focus on that one small important task you have to get done by the end of the day! It's usually quite motivating!

Most of the articles on my Helping Newbie Writers To Earn Online Site developed while out walking - great inspiration!

That is an *awesome* idea, BellaShorts - walking is so good for you for so many reasons. It helps you to build muscle tone, gives you some aerobic exercise and really does help clear your mind! I definitely recommend that anybody who does not go for a walk at least 3 times a week spin by our walking forum to get ideas.

The walking forum is here -

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Just a reminder - once you have got 10 minutes to sit down and focus, be sure to move on to the next step, which is setting up your priorities!

Setting Your Priorities

It's a new year! 2010 is here, and with it a fresh lease on life!

Post here with your challenges involved with finding a quiet spot, and your techniques for making it work. We will help you get that calm beginning to set out on your new path!

I have trouble because our house is small and the children are around all the time.

Walking is a great way to get some time by yourself to think...except in a snowy winter it might be a little bit of a challenge.

Rebecca, I totally understand about the small house. It seems like every where you turn, there is somebody there.

I used to go in the bathroom and sit on the edge of the tub, but now closing the bathroom door seems to be code for "come talk to me" :-)

I think it is very good training to have your children learn bathroom time is private time. That's important for *everyone* - that when they are in the bathroom they are not to be disturbed. Teaching children about privacy is very important!

They tend to give me more privacy when I go in my bedroom rather than in the bathroom...I don't know what it is about that particular room.

I agree it's important to have privacy in the bedroom too - but the bathroom seems a pretty important place too!

I wanted to encourage everyone to renew their efforts to find 10 minutes every day to relax and breathe in deeply! Even just 10 minutes can make a huge difference in how you feel.

This is terrific advice, Lisa! Many people think they can't meditate but if you just relax and breathe and let thoughts drift, it's kind of a mini-meditation and gives you mind a stress free break.

Walking around the block for 10 minutes also helps - you breathe, get outside, get a little fitness...and it's meditative!

Yes exactly Jilly! Walking meditations are found in every culture and for good reason. They work very well. Plus you get exercise So we should all try to go for a 10 minute walk every day, even if it's just around the block!

Going to do it right now!

If she was a real problem, you can straight away have a talk with her, and you can mention what the problem is all about in a polite manner, I hope she will understand.

Such a simple way to take care of ourselves. Taking slow deep breaths is one of the best ways to activate the relaxation response. And, it can be done anywhere anytime.

Walks are great for relaxing...in part, because we breathe differently when we walk. And, just being connected to Mother Earth is relaxing.

Cathi

Great you are recognizing that stress is an issue for you. That is the first step. Deep breathing, meditation, visualization, yoga, stretching, tai chi, etc. are all great forms of relieving stress. The key is finding something that works for you. It took my several months to find a meditation Cd that worked for me.

all u need is here ..

like others

im a stressful guy,
busy at work, family problem, cant sleep properly, etc.

but it all gone because , i ask other people how to relive the stress i feel,


they said too many suggestion

Summer is here!

How is everyone doing with their stress relief projects?

Working on it! To be able to get online enough to work today, I had to go down to the Hilton...because it's a holiday, there was no parking on the bay (finding a spot took almost an hour)! I am finally settled by the pool cabanas.

Now to take deep breaths and relax a little before diving into work.

I need to learn that traveling is simply stressful. At least for me, right now. Once I am installed in my home i hope i will enjoy travel again.

Aaaaaand my car broke down for good on the way home. I am at a hotel waiting for hubby to get here and take me home. Will have to donate the car and find a new one ASAP while still needing money for my down payment on the house.

But I did not get into an accident, so that is a plus. Also I met some very lovely people here in the library in this small town who offered to help me in any way i needed.

Now in a motel waiting for hubby to arrive at 1am. I expect we will get a few hours of sleep and then drive right back to AZ.

I had a nice talk with my mom about how all the moving and attendant ripples from that has make my life nuts. Like how having no home made me guess where I would fly out from to go to the BellaOnline gathering. I had to guess it would be San Diego, which ended up being an 8 hour drive each way from where I actually am living. And that ended up being too much for my beater car. And so now I need to pay for this motel room, the gas for my hubby to come get me, and the expense of a new car right away, with new registration and plates, etc.

All these stress ripples.

I think of people who have been in their home for 15 years and who don't have to find a new doctor, dentist, pharmacy, bank, hairdresser, library card, DMV and everything every year. Who don't have to change their address on everything official each year. Who don't have stuff in stored in little and big piles all across the country to keep track of.

I know that chances are good this home thing will come through for me, but escrows can fall through. I have no backup plan. I am putting all my eggs in this one basket - this one hope of peace and serenity.

But back to the ripples. I can't wait to stop having the auxiliary stress issues that come with not moving. My mother and I are hoping it really helps with my anxiety issues. I want to look back in a year and feel so amazed at how peaceful my life has become.

Yes it is definitely key to set up a quiet central core in your life, something you can rely on to be there!

I'm so thrilled that you are building that center for yourself!

How is everyone doing with their stress this week? Were you able to find ten minutes to sit quietly and relax?