I didn't do leg up the wall yesterday - i hope to today. But first I have a lot of work to clear off my plate. I have been in bed and very sad for three days straight.

After much thought i decided there's no reason I can't lie in bed as long as i need to. I have the laptop and the AC on and the windows open to view the red rocks of sedona and the flagstaff peaks. And the mogollon rim and the limestone cliffs above the verde river. Right from my bed. I am looking right at them.

If I feel too sad and out of it to get up and be 'productive' - then to heck with it. I will relax, read, enjoy my pets lying around me, and take a pain killer to release the tension in my body (esp my head and my jaw).

Just FYI for those not reading other threads, i put my sick baby kitty down this weekend. Since no one is coming over to do my dishes and make me a casserole and sit with me, then I will just enjoy lying here in cool comfort with pretty views and my stress sponges (dog and other kitten).

You should cherish that you now have a landscape outside that you adore, and the ability to lay and relax when you wish! Millions (if not billions) of people out there dream of those luxuries!

True. I am working on reminding myself of that. I did make choices to make that possible - not having kids, living in an RV, living extraordinarily frugally. I figure that there are two ways to have leisure: getting filthy rich or living extremely cheaply.

My way is a ton easier.

Working with my priorities list has been very helpful to get to this point. Otherwise i'd still be following dan around the nation every six months. Which might have been a part of his dastardly plan to stick me in a loony bin and thus be rid of me.

I have forgotten again to do the legs up the wall. Been occupied with actually living in the hovel, since it's cool enough now. Lots do to. It's like camping but with electricity.

I am sending you love! Since it has been awhile since you posted that you were in bed for three days< I assume you may have gotten over that hump. We all hit those rough spots in life, however it sounds like you have chosen freedom over a more traditional, tied down lifestyle. That choice in and of itself must feel amazing as so many people feel trapped in their day to day life. In addition to yoga have you tried breathing exercises or meditations? I find that a guided meditation assists me when I need that outside myself boost to the powerful inside myself creator of my reality. Thanks for sharing your experiences so honestly. ksthy

Jilly -

It is fantastic that you now lead the life you always dreamt about, that you are in a stable place, with a view you adore, living the life you want to lead.

It is fine to not to legs-up-the-wall for now as you settle in!

Alternately, if you do want to find a way to start incorporating it, think of ways to tie it to something else you do. Maybe make a routine when the sun goes down. When the sun goes down, you take a break from what you're doing and you put your legs up to celebrate the day. To give thanks for what you have.

I agree with Kathy that breathing exercises and meditation are lovely ways to focus your mind! New studies show that meditating actually changes your brain so it is more focused and empathetic during the rest of the day!

For everyone reading this thread, remember that once you find those ten minutes, it's time to then move on to

Exploring your Priorities!!

Hi Kathyedh, and thank you. You are so kind! The kitten thing was shockingly difficult for me to get over. I just so rarely feel that connected to anyone, that I take it badly when something happens to take them away from me.

I did try meditating for a bit and it really was helping. But then like most healthy activities I have some kind of life crisis that makes me get off track...and then the activities are forgotten. I don't know how many times this has happened. I am really hoping that this time, since I am not moving anymore, things will start to slot into place.

Lisa, yes, i really feel glad that my life is coming together in a state I have molded by design, rather than just drifting along aimlessly and unhappily. I am still caught up on the basic levels of Maslow's pyramid - how to heat my water for a bath, how to stay warm at night, how to afford safe tires for my car and how to find a way to get my meds without a great amount of monthly hassle. Safety, health and shelter. That kind of thing.

But I did decide to give myself two years to figure all this out before getting discouraged. So I still have a year and a half left to work on moving up the hierarchy of needs.

Jilly -

You should give yourself credit for all your victories! You are off that first level of Maslow already! You have food. You have water! You have a home. You're already thinking about "higher level" needs like getting out on regular hikes, and building up a network of friends! You're working on finer details like having *warm* water to bathe in! That is awesome! Those are all the way up on level 3 and 4!

It's 2011 - the perfect time to sit down, create a calm center, and look at your world. Do you have a calm, quiet place to do this kind of thinking? If not, are there a few steps you could take to work towards having that calm, quiet location?

Well, on Maslow, let's see.

level 1 - the body's needs. I have air, food, water, a warm place to sleep, clothing. So this is good. This level is set.

level 2 - my home, the RV, is pretty safe. I feel safe on this street and in this town. I'd feel safer with a big dog or Dan around, but i have my weapons, and neighbors close by.

I have physical health but no insurance, so that is a scary place to be. I also have my mental health issues to work with. Parts of that are being addressed and parts are not.

So, with these needs not being addressed, i am sort of stuck on level 2. I can try to achieve things on the higher levels, but will keep being pulled back in by level 2 issues.

level 3 - I have my family (not nearby, but i have them), friends who are not local, my daily online social group, and a long distance marriage. Obviously I am not satisfied on this level at all - it's a huge issue. I cling to my online support group to an overlarge extent as a way to try and resolve this level.

level 4 - Half of this level is fine and the other is not. Professionally, I have respect from my peers, I know I am a unique individual with things to give, and am confident in my skills. Interpersonally I have huge confidence issues. If I had proper healthcare (level 2), and actual nearby friends (level 3), I could move on to working on my self esteem.

level 5 - this is the most interesting level - self actualization. I do find that I try to put creativity, soul growth, learning and fun experiences in my life. I am pulled away from these activities, again, by lack of health care and social needs being filled, and my poor self esteem.

So to 'fix' level 2 - I don't know. I was denied ACHHSS and will try to apply again, I guess. I will see what ideas my case manager has for me. There is a lot of work involved that I hate doing. Maybe it would be easier to apply for this kind of thing in Oklahoma.

To 'fix' level 3 - I have pretty much given up on finding people here. It's too hard. Maybe Oklahoma will be better for me. Or maybe I need to move Serenity to a location that is better for me.

For level four, proper health care would involve therapy and that would focus largely on my self esteem. And if I had local friends or family then that would also help my self esteem.

Level five would be easier to pursue if i had the other levels resolved, obviously. So if i had health care, a social life, and therapy, then i could move on to self actualization activities.

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I realize I am luckier than a lot of people around the world. Part of this is by planning - having no children makes my life easier to plan around MY needs. And I have an extremely frugal lifestyle, so affording the basics works out for me. If I lived like most people in first world countries, my income would never support me and I would have many more level 1 and 2 issues. Barring illness, I could physically continue this existence indefinitely. Mentally, not as such.

If anyone has any suggestions for me i would love to hear them.