Candace -

You really are going through some rough times, and I don't think any of us imagine you can be "happy" right now. Hopefully we can help you find a way to find peace for 10 minutes, a sense that your son is in a better place, and that while you miss him, you are honoring his memory with a legacy of saving other children from a similar issue.

This is a great topic! I was on my way to finding a centered place, then school ended and I have 2 boys at home My schedule is nonexistent. I have to share my laptop until the PC gets up and running smoothly (DH cobbled one together from bits and pieces).

I feel like there are so many "have to dos" that I don't get to the "want to dos" like writing, photography and all those other things. (I actually just found a drawing pad and watercolor pencils I bought myself two years ago that I never even cracked open!)

I used to wait until they were asleep to do these things, but at 8 and 10 some nights I'm done in before them And my 10 yr old loves to talk, so he doesn't just watch TV or read while I write or whatever. He follows me and TALKS! Sometimes I joke that I need a sensory deprivation tank at the end of the day.

Laura - it's a challenge if you have to share your computer - but maybe this frees you up to do other things! You want to do photography and drawing, neither of those involve a computer! So in your non-computer times, how about wandering around your yard taking photos of random things, and doing some drawing! Even if it's five minutes, call it your "Five Minute Challenge". That can easily be a "walking meditation". Do a "five minute challenge" drawing where you try to do just one small little thing. Don't worry about big time blocks for now. Enjoy and relish the small ones.

That way you feel like you've made progress, and the times you DO get onto the computer, it's yet another treat in your life

If your family is alive and active at the end of the day - how about the beginning? Is there any way to wake up a half hour early and make that your "special mommy time" when everybody knows you are in your quiet, meditation spot?

Thanks, Jilly & Lisa! Actually, last night after I wrote that message, DH had a talk with our friend and told her she couldn't live with us if she didn't have a job. That was the BIG thing I was upset about. I believe in working. I was raised that way. And after you have a child, well....

So guess what, this morning she's up bright and early and going off to find a job. Don't know if she'll find one or not, but it got her moving. He also told her we have a deadline for her to be out, by the time school goes back here. This morning, as she was leaving, I asked her when her daughter's school went back, and she said, "August 9th." I says, "Hmmm, that's hardly little over a month away." Just to give her the reminder that her time is slipping away.

Oh, Cate, I really relate to the "dread" thing. I've been like that too and trying to change. I think I spend more time on putting off doing something than I actually spend just doing it. I'm the queen of procrastination! I think one of my problems is that I KNOW I can work under stress really well. So I push myself to do projects at the last minute. Maybe it's the adrenaline that I like.

But, as you said, "Therefore, my challenge is to be joyful in all my circumstances and thankful for all my blessings, versus focusing on what I don't like or don't want or what is going wrong," that sounds a lot more peaceful to me, and I'm going to see if I can get this under better control. Thanks for posting that. It REALLY helped me.

Hi, Yes, I was reminded a few days ago of how much it helps to be in a place (physical place) that is relaxing when you are writing. If you are surrounded by relaxation, you can think more clearly and get more done more quickly. It's easier to focus. I had gone to a "green expo" at a housing development (a country club)that was being held in the clubhouse. They were giving advice on how to make your home more efficient and also clean for the environment - or you could buy one of their houses that they are in the process of building - all of which are entirely eco-friendly.

In their lobby - overlooking flowing water and surrounded by the silouettes of mountains on a blue sky - they offered a bank of computers with Internet. Sitting in that comfortable room, with peace and quiet and the perfect room temperature, plenty of light and space around - with light-colored, casual but elegant interior decorating - I was really zenned in to what I was writing about. Your surroundings can reduce your stress and help you get more done even if you only have 10 minutes. Maybe each individual has a certain type of physical environment that is more conducive for reducing stress.

Bettyann that is AWESOME news! It sounds like you handled that perfectly! I agree completely, if someone needs money, they should find a way to work. There are lots of jobs out there. They're not all glamorous, but they help pay the bills.

It definitely makes sense for her to be settled in a new place for when school starts.

I definitely understand the "get a jolt from stress" idea. A lot of us get hung up on that stress, the excitement, the trauma. We think that stress is "good" because it's high energy. But really, humans work so much more clearly and smoothly and productively when we're "in the zone". Some people think a revolution works best - but revolutions are violent, and often don't solve anything. Changes that happen peacefully, with everyone working together, are the ones that tend to stick and create long lasting success.

It's easy to get addicted to great highs - and then deal with the great lows that follow. If instead you find a strong, even keel, it is SO much more powerful. It's just like blood sugar. It's easy to love the sugar highs - but once you see how nice it is to have a smooth, even ride, you realize how deceptive the previous way was.

Wow! I really love this post. I'm very slowly learning the same thing, but you put it into words that really make sense to me.

"Refuse to dread". That is going to become my new motto. Thank you Cate!

Thanks Lisa...yeah he is in a better place and knowing that keeps me going. I know that with each passing day God will bring me closer to healing.

Thanks so much for your support.

C

I could try the five minute challenge I guess I fear as soon as I go to do something the bickering will start. And my boys get up early too, so mornings aren't good (unless I get up before dawn, which will NEVER happen!) I think I need to realize that things won't fall apart if I leave the room for 10 minutes. That's a hard mom lesson to learn. Another challenge is that I need quiet time and my boys are very noisy.

Lisa,
Thanks for the encouragement, i like that, "early college". I am thankful my sons have such a strong family base here. It helps with the move. Also, I am looking forward to meeting new people, I think I grow when I am out of my comfort zone.

Sheri,

I have had writers block before, and it is frustrating. What I have found to be helpful is member feedback, and forum discussions. If there is a hot topic that people are discussing, that helps me generate ideas.