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#427776 - 06/17/08 09:21 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Bettyann - Christian Lit]
Jilly Offline
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Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 14392
Loc: Verde Valley, AZ
Bettyann, this is a really tough situation to be in. You are trying to be a good person, opening your home to this woman and her child...and are now being taken advantage of.

Somehow you need to tell this person, "it's not working," and that she has to leave. It's your home. Your space. You tried and that's all anyone can ask of you.

We can help you get ready for The Talk with her if you are uncomfortable with confrontation. But you will absolutely need to do it. smile So I would start looking for ways to get centered and do things to take care of yourself right now. Really. smile It will go better, the talk, when you feel calm and assertive.

Do what you know helps you - go out to eat with DH, play with your pets, paint or be creative, do yoga, go for a walk, take a bath, listen to your music in your own private world of headphones from your favorite spot. Get a pedicure. See a movie or go to the zoo. These are all things that help me. Think about things that don't annoy you for a few hours. smile

When you decide to talk, we will help you with it. Just don't wait too long. It will be best done soonish!


Edited by Jilly (06/17/08 09:22 PM)

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#427817 - 06/17/08 10:42 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: SheriAnnRicherson]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 20814
Sheri -

The forgiving-your-daughter issue is a really big one so I made an entire thread about it -

Forgiving

that is SO hard to do - but so critical for your health.

On finding time for writing, I've read biographies of several writers and in pretty much every case they began by being really stressed and having no time to write. They had to literally set their alarm clock an hour early to wake up and squeeze in some writing before their hectic day began. They had to struggle to squish in the time - but it was something they felt very strongly about and they literally "made" the time.

There are all sorts of tricks to getting in time to write, is this fiction or non-fiction writing? I'll start a thread for you in the matching forum! We can definitely help you make that time and enjoy it smile

And then hopefully if you are able to forgive your daughter and find time to write each day, that will help you to feel content about the space you're in - and make plans to improve things going forwards!


Edited by BellaOnline (08/22/10 04:54 PM)
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#427824 - 06/17/08 10:59 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Bettyann - Christian Lit]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 20814
BettyAnn - this is SUCH a hard situation. I do not envy you at all. It is so hard to "evict" anyone - never mind a friend. But like you said, there is a point where charity crosses into being abused.

It is something we were talking about in other threads, in relation to many current best-selling books - Eat Pray Love, and Three Cups of Tea. In both cases a nice person offered charity and the recipient began taking advantage of it.

As the "giver" you have a responsibility to yourself - and to others who depend on you - to draw the line. You can't let yourself be drained dry. I know it's really hard. You shouldn't be in this position. But as the books say, you have to deal with the situation you're in. You need to be gentle but firm. You have done your best to help, but you cannot allow your own world to be destroyed. There are MANY other organizations out there whose purpose in life is to help out. They need to start taking charge of their lives and hook up with one of those organizations. You do not have the money or training to help her on with her next stage.

Your health is really being affected by this. You shouldn't try to "grin and bear it". Only you will speak up for yourself. She DOES have other options. It is time she take the responsibility to go after them. Give a reasonable deadline, but then hold firm to it. Help her move - but she MUST move.
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#427850 - 06/18/08 01:14 AM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames]
Ruthe AfricanAmericanEd Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Gecko

Registered: 03/25/08
Posts: 409
Wow! Sometimes, just reading what someone else is going through, makes you want to relax and look at your own life for a moment.

We all experience different things in different ways. And we handle things differently. Yet, if we don't take the time to get quiet and really tune into our inner self and tune everything else out, there will always be chaos--I know from experience.

I really should be sleep right now! But, I have had a lot of stress on my plate lately. And you know what a good friend reminded me of today? That I am not alone. That, there are people in my life that love me, and if I need to unburden myself, they are there.

Sometimes we get caught up in being every one else's caretaker, and we forget to take care of ourselves. We also have a tendency to be scared of change. But sometimes,life calls for a change: a change of scenery, a change of positions, a change of attitude, a change in the way we do things.

You know what I'm learning? To let people in. I am not a superhero! I cannot do everything all the time, and be everything to everyone. Especially at the expense of myself. If I don't take care of me, then I cannot help anyone else.

That ten minute break is excellent! And, you sure hit it right on the head, Lisa! For me, worrying about XXX number of pounds, on top of all the other things! For what? If I concentrate on the negative, I don't have room for the positive!

Ten minutes sounds refreshing! My gram used to power nap! She was a beautician, and when I'd work in the salon, she'd tell me to keep an eye on everything, she was taking a 15 minute power nap! Sometimes, she wouldn't sleep, just rest her eyes and her thoughts, she would say. After her fifteen minutes, she was totally refreshed and ready for another four or five hours! She truly amazed me!

Well, I gather this was my rest. Writing is quite cathartic for me. It helps me to unwind! So, thanks for this wonderful thread!
I hope everyone gets the rest they need, and reaches their goals this summer!

My goals this summer? Publishing my first novella and novel under my own publishing company, losing weight, and becoming more familiar and comfortable with all the tools that Bella has to offer!

Blessings and good night!
Ruthe


Edited by Ruthe AfricanAmericanEd (06/18/08 01:18 AM)
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#427861 - 06/18/08 03:33 AM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Ruthe AfricanAmericanEd]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 20814
You are so exactly right! We have to take care of ourselves so that we can then take care of others. In airplanes you put on your own air mask before you help children and others around you.

Your gram sounds quite wise smile
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#427883 - 06/18/08 06:29 AM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames]
Cate - Home Finance Offline
Amoeba

Registered: 07/16/07
Posts: 90
Loc: Northeast US
The biggest thing for me this past year has been avoiding dread.

I used to dread everything. It would bind me up to the point of procrastination.

Now I refuse to dread. If I don't want to do it but have to do it, oh well. The sooner started, the better. And when I go into it with a better attitude I always find it wasn't bad as I thought it was going to be.

After really thinking through, I also realized that a lot of my dread comes from being afraid of losing control, a leftover from my type-A OCD that I'm now recovering from. I realized that the one thing I CAN control is my attitude!

Therefore, my challenge is to be joyful in all my circumstances and thankful for all my blessings, versus focusing on what I don't like or don't want or what is going wrong.

Getting rid of dread has been HUGE for me this year. It's allowed me to get so much done. No more procrastinating. And I'm a lot happier. Just ask my family.

:-) Cate

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#427922 - 06/18/08 10:13 AM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Cate - Home Finance]
History Cindy Offline
Jellyfish

Registered: 03/05/08
Posts: 104
You know, I've been without a center for so long, it seems weird to think that I'm actually in a rather centered state... For the past 8 years, if it wasn't one thing it would be something else: I've had health issues that no-one faces until they're middle aged -- which lead doctors to misdiagnose and then not want to treat because I'm "just too young to have THAT," I've had more than my fair share of [censored] jobs and evil bosses, had the joy of an arranged marriage... And, yet, here I sit, strangely contented.

That's not to say life isn't crazy, but it's funny -- suddenly all the wonderful things around me are coming to the surface again. We bought a wonderful condo, in a wonderful (quiet, serene, full of nature) neighborhood, with great neighbors... I'm working something like 3 jobs, plus trying to start my own thing, and writing for bella.... The hubby and I are revelling in every minute we can spend with our cats in our travel trailer... And, even through 3 grueling play productions in 1 month -- which, I think might actually be enough to make me tell someone "NO" in the future -- I survived, I'm getting back into my routine, and I'm still cheerful!

I wish I could say what had changed... Maybe it would help you guys through your craziness... But, since I can't say I know, I hope that what ever it was changes for you guys soon... So that your craziness can be met head on, and you guys come out on the calm end soon.

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Cindy Kessler
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#427975 - 06/18/08 12:24 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: History Cindy]
Cnote Offline
BellaOnline Editor
Amoeba

Registered: 05/15/05
Posts: 61
Loc: Atlanta, GA
I'm not sure how many of you read my article on the death of my son Clinton but since he passed away this February my life has not been the same. Parents should never have to bury their children...it just doesn't seem natural. At 17 years of age he had so much to live for and yet God saw fit to take him from this earth.

Now I try to educate all on heart problems since Clinton died from an undiagnosed congenital heart problem. I try to tell all youth especially active ones to get your heart checked each year.

Grief is not a constant for me...it comes in waves but with my faith I have been able to struggle back to a type of normalcy.

10 minutes of no stress is a dream...but it is something I'm going to work towards.

Blessing to all,

Candace
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#428077 - 06/18/08 03:48 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: Cate - Home Finance]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
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Registered: 01/05/04
Posts: 20814
Cate - that is *awesome*!! I am sure that many of us get wound up in worries about the future and we spend so much time worrying that we stop enjoying what we have or making any steps towards a future!

You are so right - if we just plow ahead and do something, rarely is it as bad as we imagined. And then it is done and in the past!

We definitely have to *plan* for the future. But once we have a plan, we should act on it. To waste time and energy worrying about something that hasn't happened yet is a lot of precious energy that could have gone to something productive. Think if we could store all that energy up and use it for our health! Instead, we let the worry damage our health.

Good for you on making that change! You're an inspiration smile
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#428078 - 06/18/08 03:51 PM Re: Reducing Stress Just for 10 Minutes [Re: History Cindy]
Lisa LowCarb / VideoGames Offline
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Posts: 20814
Cindy, that is so awesome that you are finding real peace in your world. It does sound like you had a lot stacked up against you, but you found a way to work through it and to get to a good place.

Yes definitely saying "no" to an overwhelming request is really so key! We are all brought up to say "yes" and to keep taking on tasks. In the end only we can stand up for ourselves. And we have to, to keep ourselves healthy. Maybe just two plays at a time the next time around smile
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