It is critical for decision making that you make the decision when you are in a spot of calm. People who make decisions while stressed and frazzled tend to make poor judgment calls. Athletes and researchers often talk about being "in the zone" - where they are really connected to what they are doing, have a sense of peace and make fantastic moves and decisions. Firefighters train for years so that in an emergency they are NOT hyper - they are under control, know what to do, and react properly.

Let's just start with 10 minutes. Are you able to get yourself into a place of peace and quiet for just 10 minutes, so that you can sit down and make decisions about what your goals are for the coming months? How do you achieve that calm? A key is being content with yourself for those 10 minutes. Not resigned, not angry, not "Sure I'm stuck being xxxx pounds, doesn't this suck". But more of a "OK, this is my starting point. I accept it. I'm xxxx pounds. Now I need a plan."

Let us know what your obstacles are to achieving this calm starting point, and we'll help out!

Firstly, I am happy! I have a great life, beautiful home and wonderful husband.

But there are lots of things happening in my life which are causing me to be up-tight! I feel just so out of control and not much I can do to control any of these things.

(1) I was asked by one of my client companies to apply for a national marketing manager position but the job, despite me doing much of it remotely, will probably go to someone who lives in the head office city. That's ok by me but if it does go to someone else then I will probably lose the work I do contractually for this company and it is the majority of our income.
(1a)I am not getting recognition for the huge amount of work I have done for them much of which has been taken over or copied in-house.
(2) The company hasn't paid 7 of my last invoices. I have chased them and they will pay next week - but it is putting us in a bit of tight position because:
(3) We are settling on the purchase of a Pizzeria in a week's time. My son will live in and run it, but the bank wouldn't lend us quite enough money so we have to dig into our savings and will probably have no leeway should anything get tight.
(4) My husband and I will have to work in this Pizzeria more than we planned because we probably won't have the income upon which the loan was based, so we'll have to replace some of the staff so we have personal income to pay the loan.
(5) Menopause is still driving me nuts after 8 years with sleepless nights and numerous hot flushes and probably mood swings, not to mention the tiredness and weight gain which is highly uncomfortable.

These things come on top of a lot of other things in the past 2 years. (sudden death of a beloved brother, husband kidney & tumour removal, sale of our other business, living in temporary accommodation and then travelling because we couldn't get back into our own home, the tenants left our property with about $13,000 of repairs but they got their bond back and our insurance company said it was all wear and tear, and we had to fight another real estate agent (through the court) for our deposit on a property that the owners made too hard to buy by putting the price up $30,000 after signing a contract with us)

I think I'm just tired.....

We are a family in transistion. My Hubby & I are on our way to Virginia, and I am leaving my home town for the first time. I have visited other places, but Florida is home. Also, my 16 year old twins will stay with their Father her in Florida, which all three are very happy for the opportunity to live with their Dad. I am just excited and sad at the same time: excited for new challenges and scenery, and sad because I will miss my family terribly. But I keep hearing a little voice telling my "Change is good."

I am frustrated because I feel stuck. I am behind on my writing, depressed because of the injury I received from my daughter and the fact she refuses to accept responsibility and stressed to the max about getting the garden taken care of and all the produce canned.

So far this month I have not done a thing other than can and freeze produce. I need to get back to writing, back to my job of taking phone calls. I just feel really discouraged.

Suggestions anyone?

Sheri

Sheri - I take it you work from home? If so, I have similar problems because people do not respect your work space or your work time.

I often have kids home from college (who invite all their other college friends which is great most of the time) also kids with major exams and events and all of a sudden it is not just the odd day that gets taken up, but you realise that in fact you have something in the way of your writing every day! of a particular week. Now that Is depressing!

I'm afraid you will have to be quietly assertive and actually verbalise the fact that no, you don't appreciate unsolicited company,you are not bored but actually very busy!

Either that, or just wonder (like me) whether working from home is actually such a good idea after all. Grab a notebook/laptop and head out the door to a park/beauty spot for the day - all by yourself to write - bliss!

Yes, I do work from home and have thought of the laptop idea. I wondered if being outside would stimulate me to work better or cause the work to get put off even more.

Hubby has a really erratic schedule. Usually he has weekdays off. His schedule changes from week to week making it really hard to make a commitment to my schedule. There is no work other than outside work done here on my part on the days when he is home. Trying to write or take phone calls on those days just leads me to more frustration.

I do have an office and have said over and over again to leave me alone when I am in my office.

I think just sharing this is making me feel somewhat better. Now if I could just get inspired to write.

Thanks,
Sheri

Yes, I have this problem all the time. Changing schedules for either partner are very hard to work around - but put the greater strain on the one who is at home working.

Here is what I would do - head for a beautiful lake,pond,river,park or stream with some garden/nature books and my notebook. Lie down and soak up the sun for 20 mins. Sit up, look around at nature - and write! (I find the writing takes over after 2 minutes!)

Take back your writing. Or write a vacation journal like mine below (helps take the pressure off - just writing a scribbling blog)

Felicity - wow, you definitely have a ton on your plate! Definitely I wouldn't discount your "I'm tired" thought - if we don't get enough sleep, we can't deal with problems as easily as we might otherwise. But even if you were fully rested and fresh in the morning, you still have a *ton* of things to juggle.

Losing a job is always a rough thing, no matter how it happens. It sounds like you are doing a good job of preparing for that event and have a road map laid out of what you will do. It may actually be a really good thing, long term - freeing your time and energy up for something better. You're not getting recognition from them. They're not paying your bills on time. They are causing you a lot of stress. By not having them in your life, it will mean something MUCH better CAN come into your life.

So yes, certainly get your invoices paid! And if it does end up being a parting-of-the-ways, let us know and we'll throw a big celebration for you. A "Cleansing of the spirit" celebration where you are free to pursue your dreams. It is so important to realize when these things have a positive part!

That is AWESOME that you will be a pizzeria owner!! Talk about a dream job for many people! You will be the neighborhood hot spot!! When you get the final sales, post about that in the SOHO forum and we will all celebrate! I'm sure we can all brainstorm for you on ways to get free publicity, we can do some free graphic work for you, and get things started. I am sure if we all work together that it will be a roaring success!

And when it is, you will have fun working there because everyone will love it. It'll be like Cheers where everybody knows your name. Plus you'll make an income from it. So it can be the best decision you've ever made

On the menopause, I have several friends who are going through that so I know it's not easy. Hopefully our menopause forum is helping with that!

So I think you are in an AWESOME place. Your learning experience troubles are behind you. You are now in a great home, you are about to take on a REALLY cool business and leave behind one that was using you. We will help you thrive even better

Kriss -

I imagine that will be a fun but emotional change! Virginia is REALLY pretty, and you can make all sorts of new friends, have a whole ton of new places to see and visit. I know you'll miss the twins, but think that they'd be off in college soon anyway, so they would be off away from home somewhere distant at that point. So this is just like an "early college".

Luckily with the internet you can keep in touch on an hourly basis - I email my dad and mom and son far more than I ever saw them in person. In fact you sometimes learn more about someone emailing them than talking in person (or at least learn different things about them).

There will be a lot of challenges you'll hit as you move in - especially cleaning and organizing I imagine - but we're here to help with those! I used to move every year for many years in a row, so just post away if you get stuck on something and we'll get you unstuck

Lisa, I sure appreciate this topic. It comes at just the right moment. I have a great life, and I love it. However, we just offered our guest room upstairs to a friend who found herself homeless. She has a daughter, age 13. We made a mistake. She's encroached on my life way more than I anticipated, and I am feeling almost constant anger. Feeling sucked in and used. Praying a lot. DH and I are trying to decide how to handle the sticky situation.

What a great topic!