BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Changes after marriage

My husband's my best friend too. There is no one else in this world who has gone through as much together with me as he has.

Funnily enough, speaking of sweetness and roses... my mother warned me just after my marriage, saying that I needed to wake up and stop thinking I had a "fairy-tale" marriage. Ha! I always think of the best retorts days or weeks later. I wish I'd thought then to say to her: "I don't want a fairy-tale marriage, thank you. In a fairy-tale, something always goes wrong in order to separate the happy couple so that when they finally beat the odds and get back together it is all the sweeter. There's so much drama, tears, heartbreak, nasty third-parties trying to split up the couple, etc. Who needs all that? No - what I want, and what I have, is just a normal, happy, content marriage. No drama. I'm a writer - the drama goes on the page, not in my marriage. I never take what my husband says the wrong way: a sure way to start a bitter fight where nothing he can say can make it right. I know what he means, or what he's trying to communicate, even if the words sometimes come out a bit wrong. We give each other the benefit of the doubt, we ask rather than assume. We live our lives trying to make things a little nicer for the other person, and in turn each contribute to making life pleasant for ourselves too. It probably sounds "boring" to you, but it's precious to me."

I think there is a big difference between dating someone and living with them, and for many people that is what marriage is the line between. So for example I had a friend whose boyfriend went out to bars all the time when they were dating. She "assumed" he would stay home with her instead once they married, because he would no longer be home alone.

My boyfriend plays darts and pretty much all the people playing darts are guys, and mostly single guys. So you would have to imagine if they got married that their wives might assume that these guys would no longer be heading out to the dart bar every night to drink beer with their friends

If a couple has been living together for over a year, they've already figured out those issues.

Any relationships that inhibits the other person from doing what they enjoy, (barring of course anything that is detrimental to the other partner; an example is a person who "enjoys" drugs or is a raging alcoholic, thus causing pain to his or her partner),
is not a fair one.

My husband knows that as a writer, I spend a lot of time writing and he respects and encourages that. I respect and encourage his baseball history writing and his photography.

I will say that truly only one thing changed when Donovan and I got married. He became more protective of all things. Not jealous mind you, just more protective, not wanting me to walk alone at night, reminding me to lock the doors more, buying me a baseball bat for my car (Of all things!). Things that in 2 years of living together, and nearly 4 years of a relationship never really had come up before.

Endearing yes, but mildly silly, especially since I had lived on my own for years with out him just fine.

LOL! In my house my husband is the neat freak and I am the slob! And while I do enjoy buying things from time to time (who doesn't?) I detest the mall! Just thinking about it can bring on a panic attack. So there's really no fear of me ever being a shopaholic wife.

We would not make a very good sit-com I'm afraid...

Oh Michelle, we could be twins!

I have often thought that Elle -

except you are my skinnier/prettier version.

Now I'm your tomato-red version...

My husband and I have been married for 5 months and people keep asking me "how's married life?" How should it be??? It's exactly the way it was before! I think if you married the right person, they aren't going to just go and change on you when the rings go on.

I agree Lisa Beth. When you marry the right person, no real changes occur. Don't you just love it when people ask that question you wrote in your post? I laughed when a friend of ours asked me, after a year of marriage, "so, do you like being married?" Ummmmmm?