BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Do you fantasize about a lost love?

Even if you are happily married or in a long-term relationship, have you ever fantasized about being with a lost love from your past?

I have often wondered about my "first love".

He was a really great guy, and other than my husband - the only guy thst never hurt me. But I was really young(13) and he was 5 years older than me, so my parents made us break up.

It's a total fantasy, because I am sooooo different from when I was then (a kid!), but it's still a little bitter-sweet to think about.

Oddly, no. The closest I get to that is missing the strong friendship I had with the guy I refer to (even in front of my fiance) as "my favorite ex." We were friends for a long time before we dated. The break up was quiet, and we drifted a bit a apart over the years. We're still in touch, but not terribly close. We comment on each other's blogs, and keep up to date in each other's lives (he's married with a son and and step daughter now, and loving his life), but I miss being "buddies" with him. We've both grown into very different people, but years ago, even before we dated, we were a lot alike and really communicated well, especially on certain common ground topics.

I think these sorts of thoughts about exes tend to point toward a weakness in one's current relationship. There is one field of interest to me, one side of my personality and history, that my fiance doesn't "get," not in the slightest. The poor guy tries, but it's just not something he can relate to. That aspect of me is completely outside his realm of understanding. I'm ok with that. There are one or two things about him I'll never understand, either. *shrug* It's not an issue for us, being just a bit too different from each other to "get" everything keeps us talking.

But the one part of me he doesn't get is the thing I had most in common with "my favorite ex." What I'm getting at is I think I miss those long talks on that interest with that particular ex simply because it's the one part of me my fiance can't understand. Its a very minor weakness in our relationship, more of a tiny imperfection that a weakness, even, but I think that little gap in understanding (an interest which is almost irrelevant in my current life, I forgot to add!) is the main reason I miss talking to my favorite ex. I know that my favorite ex (as he was years ago) could fill that little hole, but I also know we're both much better off with our current partners, so I enjoy the relationship I have, and my fiance and I keep talking, spending years of conversations trying to get closer to "getting" every aspect of each other. It's a really fun challenge, after all!

I not fantasized; I got in touch with him last summer! My marriage was going through a really rough patch, and I decided to try to find him (after 25 years of silence). He's happily married, and on a vacation, I got to spend some time with him and his wife (who is wonderful). I am very happy that his life has turned out well, and we talk fairly regularly on the phone now. It is really nice to have him back as a friend, even though there is no romance.

ABSOLUTELY! My lost love came back. For three years I reminisced, fantasized and daydreamed about him. I even prayed (I know this is corny)"Jesus lost and found bring my love around". What I didn't expect was the real thing being SO MUCH better than my imagination.

I think each of us is a multi-faceted person and no one person can match us exactly. That's why it's important to have friends and family so we can have multiple people to match all our aspects.

I've actually thought about this a fair amount. There isn't anyone in my past I would want to "go back to". Each guy I dated was nice - but not good for what I need in life now. Some weren't even what I needed in life back then

For example I recently had a lunch with my first boyfriend, who I dated all junior year in high school. He was nice enough, but he was a hacker, and I am a programmer. So for him to be stealing software and such, while I make a living off of writing software, bothers me. Also, when I went to see my ex, I told my current boyfriend (we've been together for 13 years) and he knew where I was. While at lunch. my ex's wife called and apparently she had no idea where he was. So that alone made me feel really uncomfortable, that he was lying to her.

I just had to search up this thread again...

We are getting ready for our 20 yr class reunion, plus I am cleaning out my basement - so a lot of old memories are coming up.

A lot of us are getting together on MySpace pre-reunion, catching up and stuff, and I've been searching up some names. On a whim I decided to search up a couple of old boyfriends.

One was the guy that I would have imagined I would have married had I not been raped in college. We had dated the entire summer before I left for college, and we still went out every weekend I came home - bit we decided not to be exclusive while I was a state away. So in the interim dating is when I was date-raped. And because of thsat I wound up breaking up with this guy. (I was completely screwed up in the head, obviously).

He was such a good guy, a really good Christian (he works as a youth minister now, matter if fact) we even met through a church performance where I was singing and he did the sound system.

I have kept the convo with him very light on MySpace, judt catching up a little. But there is a very significant part of me thst wants to explain everything to him.

But i am happily married and so is he, and I don't want him to think I am trying to start anything up.

What should I do?

BTW - I would love to get some of the guys POVs on this one, too. (see above post)

Of course right now I would just be happy if anyone responded to me, LOL!

Pleeeeeeaaaaaase.

You know what Michelle? I think he deserves an explanation. This is no way devalues the horrible date-rape that you endured. Being completely unsettled and fearful is normal.

Sometimes people will go a lifetime with the idea that they did something wrong and that is what caused a break-up. They may even spend agonizing hours trying to think of what they said or did.

If he is as nice a guy as you remember, and since he is into his religion so deeply, I think you would gain something by explaining why you broke off the relationship.

I agree. I think it would be good, healthy closure for both of you, rather than "trying to start anything up".