BellaOnline Forums Relationships Divorce Why am I upset that my ex is dating?

Here's a new situation for me and I hope someone can help. I have been divorced for almost two years, and was separated for two years before that. We were married for 17 years and are amicable though not friends.
My daughter just came home from her Dad's this weekend and told me that she had been introduced to "Miss P", her Dad's girlfriend. He wanted both the kids to meet her and give them their approval to officially date. (Her words)
I am not in love with my ex and havent been since the divorce was final, but I can't stop thinking about how he is dating again. I haven't begun dating yet for several reasons: havent met anyone and have really wanted to work on me first.
I guess my question is "Is it normal (what's that?) to be upset that he has moved on? Thanks for listening

YES, It's normal. I went through the same thing. I was jealous he might be happier than me. I think I wanted him to pine for me forever, and live a loney loveless life. (I caught him in the next-door neighrbor's bed naked.) You don't want him but don't want anyone else to have him either. It will pass when you have someone too. And you will!

It is definitely very normal. You don't want to feel like you are replaceable. It's a stage that you need to move though, to understand that his moving on does not make you any less worthy. You are a wonderful person, and just were not a good match for him in particular. Someone out there IS a great match for you, just the way you are.

It's very hard to get through emotionally, but it's something we've all had to do.

I totally believe that your feelings are normal. Keep in mind that many men move on faster than women. It just takes us longer to want to date someone else much less marry them.

I don't think you're jealous at all and I think you're completely normal. I've been divorced a long time, 8 years, and I still sometimes get irritated that he does a lot of "fun" stuff and has a retirement. But I don't love him, and I am not really jealous.

I was also upset the first time my kids met the new woman. I think part of me was afraid they'd like her better. Silly I know, but who knows why we feel the way we do sometimes.

((((hugs))))

Thanks for the posts. Your experiences have helped shed some light on why I was feeling that way. It's not that I don't want anyone else to have him...in fact I really want him to find someone so that my kids can see him happy. Thanks again

Hi Terry,

I hope you're doing well still. I've been thinking about you. My computer crashed so I couldn't get back, but thankfully it's fixed!

What you said about wanting your kids to see him happy really touched me. I know many people who don't want their exes to ever be happy again and they cannot get past anything. I want so much for everyone to know there IS life after divorce and we can all still be great parents too.

My ex-husband went through this he got upset when I started dating. We were married for 14 years and he got married again after the divorce was finale till this day he gets upset and I don't understand because he got married after the divorce and when he heard I remarried all heck broke loose and I waited 12 years to get married so I don't know why he is like this. Maybe someone can tell me??????

Norma,

Your ex is probably just a control freak. He probably really did think that he was such a wonderful person you wouldn't ever move on. It's amazing what really narcissistic people think sometimes.

Hi Stephanie,
Thanks for checking on me! Since my first post, my daughter , who is 10, came home and asked if I was dating anyone. It was very important to her that if her Dad had a girlfriend, her mom should have a boyfriend. (I dont..not quite ready, but that's another post :))
I'm ok with him dating now. It took a while to get over the shock and the feeling that I had been disgarded and replaced. I am at peace with the fact that we both have to move on . One little step at a time....

Hi Terry,

My girls used to ask me why I wasn't dating. It took me a number of years to actually date anyone...

But one thing I told them is this: You don't have to have a man to be happy.

Of course, I did finally meet a man that makes me happy so I might have ruined all those previous lessons by being stupid happy about dating him. haha

Life is really full of surprises .

One step at a time is the right way to do it.