BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Inspiration Forgiveness

I totally agree... forgiveness lets the victim get on with living.

I will all ways remember the abuse, but over the years i have learned to handle it differently.
its not that i have forgiven, its that im allowing my self time to heal

The phrase "to forgive and forget" is one that is so misleading and innocent (in the juvenile sense of the word).

We can never forget something that is done to us. We aren't VCRs to be wound back and erased. But we can forgive and remember - and that takes even more courage and strength.

But is also gives us more strength. Because by having the memories of things that have hurt us, we learn lessons, maybe not fun ones, but always important ones. And thst builds us up as people.

Right I agree with you completely. We don't forget. But we do forgive, for our own health and sanity. It's not that we approve. But we let it go.

This is one of things I have people say to me... "but what happened was so awful... if I forgive them, it means I condone their behavior."

It absolutely does not mean that... it's just allowing us go on with our life.

Yes! We are not condoning them. We are not agreeing with them. We are only moving on and removing their hold on us.

When my oldest did something that was very hurtful a few monthds back and apologized for it laster I sat dowen ewith him and had a long talk.

I told him I forgave him for what he had done, but that did not make it right, and that I did not forgive the act. He still had done a bad thing, and could not take that back, and he would have to work long and hard to earn back my trust, but I still loved him, and would not remain angry at him. But I would be on my guard a lot more, and I would probably be quicker to react to negative things. It will take a lot of time and proof for him to show me that I can put my trust back in him again.

I think that is the difference between forgiving and condoning. Forgiving says "I understand you did a bad thing, and I will not remain angry about it, but you still must face the consequences.". Condoning says "You did something that was bad, but it was OK to do at the time, and there are no consequences".

To forgive is to walk in freedom!

Michelle, this was so beautifully put! What a great way to look at it.

Oh absolutely!

I found this quote this morning, and thought it was perfect for this forum.

"For every person in your past with whom you feel unhealed but unable to go back and resolve, there is someone standing before you offering you the opportunity to practice the healing you believe you missed."

-- Alan Cohen