BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Is Belt Spanking Abuse?

Lisa - your 2nd post way up on this thread is uncanny. When I was a child from about 5 until 11 yrs old, about once every week or two, my mother would tell me to go get the belt and would whip me with it wherever it wouldn't 'show'. Generally the infraction was not doing a chore fast enough or the right way or cheerfully enough (you had to look and sound just so...), or (the irony of it all) something my older brother had done and smoothly blamed on me. Each incident ended with my mother saying that if I told my father, I'd be in even bigger trouble.

This all stopped when I got taller than she - and when I told 2 friends. I remember the very last time very clearly. I grabbed the belt right after she hit me with it so it spiraled all the way up my arm with a final snap right by my armpit. I told her never ever to hit me again, and that I'd told my best friends what she was doing. It's sad to remember, even after all this time, that when I did get up the guts to tell my dad later on, he basically just said now, now, I'll talk to your mom... as if the whole awful pattern were just some misunderstanding. Bleah.

Spankings with belts and other items were a sign of the times. I was spanked with wooden rulers, coat hangers and such. My husband got the belt and switches. It didn't leave any lifelong scars on us, thankfully, because they were rare events...at least for me. But regular physical punishment absolutely does affect a child's psyche in a negative way!

I believe that teaching a child is the goal. Natural consequences of behavior is a good thing to teach because you want your children to grow up to make good decisions for themselves. I dislike punishment. I think punishment is unnecessary for all but the worst willful and repeatedly harmful behavior.

The other night as we took a stroll, a young couple with two children, one in a stroller and the other skipping along side, walked by. The little boy scampered about and ran on some wet grass. His father and mother scolded him and he ran onto the sidewalk saying, "I'm sorry!"

His mother hissed, "Sorry doesn't make it go away. You're getting a spanking for that!"

We were shocked and dismayed. This was an obviously educated and well-to-do young couple in their '20s. What is the point of the spanking? He ran onto the grass so what? And if apologizing doesn't "make it go away" then why bother saying I'm sorry? What was the spanking going to teach him?

Physical punishment is barbaric. We have evolved as a society to rise above it.

With that said, I have bapped my kids once in a while, like a swat on the hand so keep them from doing something like sticking a key in an electric outlet or pulling their sister's hair. Once in a while, I think moms have a right to be like a mama bear.

But hey, after being raised by a yeller and a spanker, I think I've done well to not do the same to my kids. Ask them and they'll agree! My husband never raised his hand to the kids and he was beat by his mom all the time.

Belts and ESPECIALLY switches are child abuse. And forcing a child to pick one from the tree is downright cruel and unusual. My step-dad, who was only dating my mom at the time (I was seven), demanded I do this over the phone and that after I had done so to stand it in the corner of my room for me too look at from my bed so that I would not forget what was coming to me when he got off work that night.
After I was dismissed I handed the phone back to my mother who continued to coo romantically with her new beau. It was nearly my bedtime and the middle of November so I put my heavy coat on over my jammies and went out to the front yard to cut a "suitable" branch from the bald mulberry tree. I came back in just as my mom had hung up the phone. My legs and hands were cold and bare and as I stood there with a switch in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other she said to me sweetly and dreamily, "Oh sweety, I would have helped you."
That hurt more than the beating I got later that evening.

*ugh* That is worse, Schmorgenderby.

Hitting a child has psychological effects, even when parents show an "outpouring of love" afterward. It just confuses kids. "I will hurt you but I still love you."

Making you choose the switch and wait in anticipation of the coming abuse is wicked.

If parents want to their children to behave, they need to teach them to behave. Hitting them is the method used by ignorant circus trainers on animals.

My friend was psychologically and physically abused by her step father. The fear and manipulation was horrible, and the fact that her mom just watched on the sidelines DID hurt worse.

My friend amazes me with her strength. God bless you for being a survivor.

Just a [i]few[/i] against hitting kids: American Academy of Pediatrics United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment of Children Center for Effective Discipline Christians For Non-Violent Parenting Parenting in Jesus' Footsteps - www.parentinginjesusfootsteps.org PsycHealth, Ltd., Behavioral Health Professionals

Moderator note: Contents removed because of forum and BellaOnline TOS violations. You have set your profile to not receive PMs, so I am unable to contact you privately. You are free to state your opinion regarding this subject. However, please do so according to the Child Abuse Forum Guidelines posted here. It's just as easy to state your opinion respectfully as it is to resort to name calling.

Sorry, my opinion is that it is abuse. There is no reason to hit someone with an implement with the intent to cause pain. That is assault. You do that to a grown up you end up in jail. Assaulting a child just shows that the adult is a bully.

I know this is a bit of a bump, but i would like to add my input to this. Abuse as in psychical abuse, can really mess up a child. A child does not need to be psychically hit and scolded when the child is likely to be tormented in schools by other mean children. Not only is hitting with a belt abuse, the child can associate that pain with school and usually fun activities. For example, if a child was abused in school by children (which happens very often) for a disability or because he is different than everyone else, and goes home and gets hit by a belt for something he might not even know what he did was wrong, that can only lead to bad outcomes. I was tormented in school. I was the shyest person there, but I wasn't always shy. I was always hit by belts, spanked and given outrageous and unreasonable punishments for things I didn't even know I did. I started to associate the pain with children in school, flinching a lot towards friends even, because I was afraid to get hit. I didn't know it at the time, but I was aspergic and the belt hitting only escalated the fears of public communication. Now you may say, "physical abuse works." It does work. But it is not effective and long term. When the children know that the "abuser" is gone, he will most likely repeat his past actions again and again. Why hit children when you can politely tell them to stop and use positive reinforcement? Most times it is because we don't know how to handle the situation. Take scenario a and b: A) The daughter was found smoking at age 16. The mother finds out and orders the dad to hit her and tell her to stop. She might or might not stop, or go behind their backs and do it again. In the end, everyone is hurt and frustrated. B) The daughter was found smoking at age 16. The mother finds out and go for a heart-to-heart talk. "I am frustrated when you smoke and it scares me. Smoking is not something I want you to rush into at such a young age. Can you please tell me why you want to smoke?" the mom asks. "Mom, I am frustrated at how things are running. Dad is always mean and this is the perfect outlet for stress. Can you please help dad be nicer?" This is where we could of got off track with the results we wanted and went to hitting, but thats not what we want. We want to find solution that fits everyone, and the only way to do that is talking about what is frustrating them or coercing them to perform as they did, not hitting them and finding a behavioral quick fix.