A friends suggested that he just might be waiting for me to make the first move and he may be right. Neither of us has been happy with each other for a long time. He may just want out too, but he wants to make me the bad guy.
The one thing I do know is that I need him to start treating my oldest ds better. If I'm not around on "dad's weekend" then I'm not there to diffuse the situation between the two of them.
I thought MY DXH... did the same. Wanted me to pull the trigger. He couldn't have possibly been happy. And yet when I did pull the trigger...it wasn't pretty. Sometimes, as the song says, "You have to be cruel to be kind."
Regarding your DS and his relationship with is father. It is THEIR relationship. Whether you are present or not.. it is not your responsibility to build that bridge. It is your husbands responsibility to build the bridge and maintain it. Kids are smart, kids are resilliant. The seeds your husband sow's today he will reap tomorrow and not like it very much.
I'm divorced and DXH is a pill. I hate hate hate to send the kids to him every other weekend. He's like that box of chocolates... ya never know what you are gonna get that day. I was/am concerned about his parenting skills. And early on I tried to assure the girls that their dad loved them. I don't do that anymore. It's not my responsibility to tell them "daddy loves them." I'm not going to speak for him. But then again I won't tear him or that bridge down either. I don't want that kinda of Karma, thank-you.
I have an open door policy with my girls and I hope they can come talk to me about anything. I try not to pry into their relationship with Dad. But if something is going on that they are having difficulties with... the only way I can help is if I know about it. It pains me to no end when I hear about Dad's abusive language. grrrrrr. However, there's a lesson in that..... I'm teaching my girls how to be assertive and hold thier own. They don't have to deal with their dad 24/7... so the small doses they get of his abusive nature.
You can't be everywhere 24/7. We all want to think we can protect and buffer our children as much as possible... but if you think of it.. the older they get, it's impossible to do. You do the best you can... and you use everything and anything as a teaching device.