BellaOnline Forums Family Moms Is anyone dealing with estrangement?

I am new to this website and to forums. But really need to find a place to look for others that are dealing with their adult children telling them that they no longer wish to have a relationship.
There are 4 adult kids of mine - 2 boys (the oldest and in their 30's) and my 2 girls are closing in on 30. All have kids. Total of 11 grandchildren between all the families. And those little ones I waited for - to sew for - to send things for birthdays and Christmas. I did just that.
My girls are single moms and are living at home. The boys object. One son lives 5 miles away. His wife decided that if I can't come over there then our relationship is over. Yet they come by here many times a week - and their church is 2 blocks over from us. I haven't seen them in a year now. The other son lives in Montana and we are in Texas. I haven't seen them in 5 years. (Yet they can afford to go to Florida for vacations.) His wife said I'm too old to associate with. And seeing as I hate her (her words - I never said that!) then she told her kids that I resented sending gifts and didn't want them to have them because of my hate towards her. The gifts I sent were sewn by me - so were custom made for each child - from dress-ups to formal for occasions. How could I not want them to be given? The items were on their wish list.
I can talk and write about this easier now as I have had time to calm down. But I am still aching inside.
When I was growing up I swore I would never have kids. Now I am kicking mself for having them - or rather being forced to. My ex wouldn't take no for an answer and the marriage was 11 years too long. So abusive! The boys have finally met up with him (he avoided them until about 2 years ago.) He has them convinced that he did no wrong. He is on wife number 4 and realizing he is getting old - he has sofened I guess. I would never ever trust him again because of the indications he made about sex and little girls when we were married. I got the kids away from there and filed for divorce. My present husband of 25 years took us in and took care of all of us. He helped to raise the kids with me. The boys have forgotten seemingly and are calling him by his first name - when all those years they called him Dad - because they wanted to. He is hurt, but not saying anything.
Well, if anyone cares to talk, please do.

WOW! 1st off the hateful words by your ungreatful DIL is just sad and in bad taste and shame on your boys for letting it happen! You are their mother, no matter what things their nasty birth father said or did.

The boys no longer calling the man that raised them "Dad" is just plain mean . . . what is going on? Why are they so mad/upset w/ you 2? Is the birth father telling them things?

I am so sorry for your loss of grandchildren and that special bond you want w/ them. I hope you find some help here.

I just don't know what the deal is with them. Things were okay up until a few weeks ago with that DIL in MT and my son. But, they had a (FL) Disney vacation shortly before that and of course the natural father was there too - they were ever so nice to send me a picture of them together... They came home and things were strained - but ok. She developed a problem with understanding what I wrote to the point that she turned it around, put herself in each sentence and added that I hate her to it. (I have NEVER told her that before!!) All of a sudden I was too old, and even tho we have stayed in touch - both claimed they really didn't know me. Yes - I believe it was my ex that got garbage started in their minds as he is great at stuff like that. What really baffled me was that my son has all of a sudden developed amnesia of sorts - claiming to have had a terrible childhood. It is strange. We always had fun. It was the neighborhood house to be at - all were welcomed. We moved every 2 years or so (husband was in the Navy). DIL claims that when they first met he told her is family was dead. I remember a different beginning.
My other son lives close to us - and they drive past here often but never stop in. That DIL says we can't have a relationship until I drive over and visit them first. I haven't driven in 3 years. I am suffering from osteoarthritis of the spine, neck and shoulders and can barely walk anymore. About the only time I leave the house is to go to a doctors appointment. The doc said that my spine looks like it belongs to a 70+ year old. Well I told the kids that as for the reason I do not drive anywhere. It doesn't matter. My son isn't allowed to call either. I think its more like he really doesn't want to because he could when he is at work.
I miss the grandkids.And I will miss making things for them But like I told the DIL that lives out of state - if no one will talk to me and keep me informed - their sizes and color fav's ect - I just can't make stuff. She said she would tell them that I sent the stuff before but didn't want them to have it - because I hate her. I asked why she wants to lie to those younguns - but she didn't answer. Geez!!! I can't imagine intentionally hurting them like that. But she did! How awful!
Her husband - up until he grew up and left home used to tease me and say "Mom - I'll never leave you". yea right - but the girls are still here and neither of them approve - as if it is something that I need their approval on. My husband rarely says anything but mention the boys now and he gets upset. He doesn't say anything - but when he has that "look" - he is very upset.

Well I guess no one here has this experience in their lives. Thank you for responding (the one that did). I'll move on til I find the right place to talk.
Take care everyone

I do not have advice, beacase I do not know what to say, but I am so sorry you are hurting so much, I send you a electronic Hug.