BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships help with things boyfriend wants??

I am in a relationship with a man, we are both in our early 40s. We get along great and have a good emotional connection. He says he is very attracted to me but we rarely have sex, he hardly ever touches me other than a kiss or his hand may rub across my breast. We do kiss alot. He has some things that somewhat disturb me that he wants to do such as watching me with another man and for us to play around with other couples sexualy. Please tell me if this is normal behavior or what if anyone knows..please.

I am curious, have you spoken to him about this, asked him if he just would rather watch then participate? I have wondered if men who would prefer to watch might not have a problem with impotence from time to time, I guess I just don't understand why you would want to watch rather then having sex or making love.

I personally would not be involved with someone like this, I don't perform sex for others to watch nor would I put up with my lover witholding sex from me. He is not the kind of man I would have around my child. I think of making love as an intimate activity shared by two people, not two people and a audience. If a man wanted me to have sex with others, I couldn't believe him if he said he cherished me or loved me, the two things are mutually exclusive in my world.

Don't do anything you don't want to do - make your position clear - if he is not prepared to respect and accept your wishes then he doesn't love you.
He sounds a bit odd to me - sounds way too complicated for me!

I agree with the other girls. I would not want to be involved with a man like that

Amen, Lisa.

Sex is a beautiful, expressive union between two people. I'm not making judgements, but merely stating fact: It's not normal to withhold it, and it's not normal to want others involved. Fantasizing about it is different; people often have fantasies about things they would never do in real life, which allows them to take a quick ride on the taboo train, but to really want them to happen is different.

I wouldn't trust a swinger or any man who had these slightly disturbing sexual desires.

i think you should discuss with him how you really feel and tell him your not comfortable having sex with another person watching or having sex with other people. Tell him how you feel and if he still pushes it then tell him maybe you two should take a break for a while and see what happen. Personally i would neve let anyone watch or let my love go and have sex with another women i think its wrong and it would hurt too much.

I agree with everyone here I would not want this man anywhere near kids or my friends for that matter....thats just creepy to me he dont want to have sex with you but is fine watching you with other men does he want to be involved with you or the other man? both? like a three way relationship? or just whoever crosses your path? does he have someone picked out for this? there is just way to much......I dont even know that it is but....I personaly would not be with him. I dont think that is love in any since of the word hon. I dont know what it is But I am Very Sure that it is not love!!! creepy its creepy!

It may be different for others but I am not that liborated or opened minded to me it just sounds all kinds of dangrous on sooo many levels!

I dont like to preach at people but... I really believe that this is all kinds of wrong because what if you got pregnat and you didnt know who the father was? would he be a man and take responciblity or would he call you a whore say it wasnt his and run? what about STDS? what will this snowball into? threesome now whips and chains and gang rape later? how far will he push you before he gets board and leaves you? how are you going to feel after you comprimise your values? or after he leaves you? what if you fall in love with the other man? what if he wants two women?
If you can answer all of these questions and you are fine with the answers and willing to do it then ask yourself this: WHY? why do you feel like this is a good thing to do? why do you feel like you have to do this? why Take a chance of this getting way out of control?

anyways that is my two pennys.... hope they help you. I dont mean to be judgemental because i dont know anything about you but i think you should really think about all that could go wrong and way it against what might be a pro.

does he love you enought to stay if you say no? or is this a deal braker for your relationship? why is it a deal breaker? what other deal breakers will follow this one?

WOW ok I am going to stop here because I can list a lot more questions for you to think about....but I wont ...at lest not tonight..

sorry this is so long
free

What is 'normal'?

I know a lot of different people, some are very happy with vanilla sex and are totally faithful to each other, others are swingers and it works for them...

Whilst I do agree with people when they say ' Don't do anything you don't feel comfortable about', I disagree with anyone who says that people into say swinging, bondage etc are somehow ' perverts' or are less trustworthy... to me, behing honest about what turns you on isn't being a pervert, not does it suggest that the person is going to 'cheat' on you.

Another thing... say a woman has kids and her sex drive decreases dramatically... or maybe she has medical problems... and the bloke posts on the board ' my wife never wants sex with me... ' I doubt loads of people will say ' Oh, she's weird for never wanting sex... leave her, dump the bint and get someone else....' - maybe there are reasons for his lack of arousal that he hasn't told you about?

However, the bottom line is... if you don't want to sleep with other men and other people then don't.. be honest and clear about this and don't feel ashamed... you simply have different sexual tastes and are therefore not compatible.

I would still think it over before agreeing to it. I am sure that there are very happy couples that do this everyday but will it make you happy?

I agree with freespirit, i would think about it if it was me.