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#367864 01/19/08 11:33 PM
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I had a really uncomfortable thing happen today and i am wondering how others would have handled it. I was on my way home and a woman in a car in front of me stopped suddenly (while we were traveling through a green lite) to let a car into our lane. He was in the left turn lane and didn't want to wait for it to cycle through i guess so he just decided to barge into the "straight ahead" lane next to him. So, this woman stops. I honked and then moved around her cursing all the way. (Well, i'm sure not perfect!) I went on and a short time later stopped at a store. As i got our of the car i see that this same woman is stopped behind me (perpendicular to me) and screamed at me "why did you honk your horn at me." Screams! I walked over and calmly said you almost caused a rear end collision by stopping that way; she didn't even let me finish...she just started screaming that all she did was let this guy in. With that she halls back and slaps me. Not once, but twice. Well, the second time i put out my hand to intercept hers. I said something about not continuing to talk to her and turned around and walked toward the store. Well, she got out of her cr and came over to the entrance of the store and screamed some more and me and then slaps he again. I must admit i was pretty stunned. I had several things going through my mind: (1) she's crazy and i didn't want to continue in any way with the whole thing cuz she probably wouldn't stop (2) i was embarrassed and wondering what people thought of me (damn i hate when i do that!) and (3) even though there was a part of me that wanted to punch her lites out (OK, i see a 4th step coming my way!) i really didn't want to stoop to her level. Oh, and she was claiming i hit her, which wasn't true but i know that if by some strange reason the police came i actually could be arrested (It happened to a friend of mine) and i certainly didn't want to go that route and then deal with where that would take me emotionally. SO, i just said she was crazy and walked into the store. Of course, i felt HORRIBLE cuz everyone was staring at me but i just tried to pretend i was okay. (OK, i hate when i do that too!!!) Well, about 2 minutes later a woman walked up to me, very shaken, and said that her daughter had seen the whole thing and got the woman's car license and would be willing to talk to the cops. I really didn't want to do that cuz it would drag me into something that just wouldn't be worth it but i REALLY appreciated the fact that she came in and gave me the info and obviously her daughter supported me. The mom saw what happened and was shaken, which was also supportive, but she just didn't get the license info. Anyway, at that point i thanked her again and decided i just wanted to leave. I walk out with the woman and low-and-behold "crazy" walks up to her car as we are talking and starts screaming at her. She tried to say something (about how the woman didn't have a right to hit me) but as you can imagine, that didn't go anywhere. I asked "nice" if she had a cell phone and pretended to call 911 just to get this woman to stop. She did shut up briefly but she didn't leave. She just stayed there staring at us. I thanked the nice woman again and got in my car and drove away. "Crazy wasn't parked near so she couldn't get in her car to follow me anymore.

It was a HORRIBLE experience and i feel really violated. I'd really like to know, what do you all think and what would you have done?

pat d

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Pat, I am VERY SORRY to hear about your experience. You handled the situation very well. It was a potentially dangerous situation. The only thing that you could've done is walk away.

The woman that slapped you was mentally disturbed. You couldn't have known about that when you honked at her. You also couldn't do anything to control her crazy behavior.

I have had some similar experiences, although I wasn't physically attacked. What it taught me, and what your story reminded me of, is that no matter how stupid a person who is driving is acting, it's best not to honk, yell, or make gestures. You don't know what the mental state of the person in the car might be.

Pat, this is an experience to put out of your mind, knowing that IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. It was one of those random, disturbing things that happens to completely normal people. It also doesn't happen all that often.

Hang in there, Pat. Try to relax and put the incident out of your mind.


...the cake is a lie...the cake is a lie...the cake is a lie...
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patd Offline OP
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Thanks so much, Tress. I really appreciate your kind words. I'm sure i'll get over it but probably not for a couple of days. And thanks for reminding me to try to relax. I am remarkably calm but sad. I think i must still be in shock. But i will get over it and undoubtedly be grateful that i acted the way i did. Again, Tress, thanks so much.

pat

PS: if you feel like it i'd be interested in knowing how you felt with those experiences. Thanks again.

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Hi Pat! WOW! That was some experience. It is easy to say what you could have done now that it is over. You did mention a 4th Step which tells me you do feel you had a part. So, if you have not, sit down, write it out and follow up with Step 5. Now what I would do is write your thoughts about this on a piece of paper and put it in a God box. Turn it over so that the situation does not keep running around and around in your head and you constantly relive the experience. And, pray for "Crazy". Remember there are very sick people out there. Wish her all of the things you would wish a friend.

I know you know all of these things but I think it is good to be reminded that even though we may not have done anything really wrong, we have to move on or it eats us alive! Thanks for sharing and if you see this Crazy lady again, ever, I'd head the other way!

Namaste',
Kathy

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Pat, I can tell you that if it happened to me, I'd be a mess for days. I'm a very nervous, sensitive person and when things like this happen to me I hardly know how to handle it. I have to work really hard to calm myself down and put these experiences behind me.

One experience that I had was when my husband and I first moved to Houston, we were driving through a parking lot and two guys in a beatup old pickup almost ran into us. We clearly had the right of way. Being young and foolish, we honked and I gave them the finger.

They followed us to our parking spot and these two big guys got out of their truck and started yelling. They wanted to know what our problem was. I tried to calmly tell them that we had right of way, but it's hard to calmly talk to two raging rednecks. We walked quickly into the store and they left us alone. We were very lucky.

I don't give the finger anymore because of that sitation. That's when I realized that there are people who will hurt me. I realized that the best thing I can do is protect myself when I'm driving.

I do still honk and yell, sometimes, though, so I could easily have been in your place.


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Sorry you went through all that Pat, a similar thing happened to my cousin only he didn't get slapped he got shot.


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Hi Everybody,

I want to thank you all for your thoughts, concerns and stories. It helps to know i'm not alone. I wanted to give you an update. Several people (even 12 step) thought i should call the people since they felt she would do it again. I seriously thought about it but decided again it, i guess because i just know it would turn into a major thing. i don't understand why this is, but it seems to me that many times the people who did something wrong are the loudest, most outraged and act the most "harmed." I doubt i could ever "outshout" a person like that.

My sponsor worked with me on seeing my own issues about anger (like honking at people) and encouraged me to work the issue this way. She's a Buddhist so her approach makes sense. I would like to say i never think of retaliation but that's not true. And every time i see a car like hers i look at the license or driver. There is definitely a part of me that wantd to get even. Overall, however, i haven't really focused too much on it. I'm not sure why. I know i'm not over it but mostly i just go along with my day and don't think about it.

Again, thanks for all your support.

pat





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