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#368718 - 01/23/08 03:45 AM Why do I find it so unappealing?  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 99
jhmd Offline
Amoeba
jhmd  Offline
Amoeba

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 99
Maryland
I was looking at someone's My Space page today and this person is a SAHM. Tons of her baby's pictures are on there and there is even a time ticker saying that she has been breastfeeding for 8 months and 1 day with a little "Boobie Baby" time monitor on the ticker strip. I wanted to gag. This person's page has her biggest wish as "to meet more SAHM friends".

Ick! Ick! Ick!

My question is this - Why do I find the whole Baby/SAHM/baby picture/baby people thing so completely disturbing and unappealing?? I actually told my sister about this My Space person and I said "If this person's life was my life I'd want to stab myself! Holy [censored]!" Why do we all find it so unappealing?

I also have a friend and co-worker who used to talk about a lot of interesting topics - work, marriage, the drama and gossip that swarms around her neighborhood. Then, my friend had a baby. Sigh...now, all I hear is baby [censored] and all I see are baby pictures. Wow. Exciting. To top it all off, I have an interview for a new job with great potential and it is a wonderful opportunity. My friend/co-worker said "Do you really think it is a good time to switch jobs? What if you and your hubby want to have a baby soon?".

Again....sigh. My answer is, I can take a new job with a longer commute, better title and more money because I DON'T have kids. Kids are not on my radar. I just was wondering why it is NOT on any of our radar screens? What is it about the CF that makes childbearing and parenting so unwanted and unappealing? Why am I so "icked-out" by the SAHM's My Space page. I find her page very sad and boring. I know many of you can relate. Why does the baby stuff make us all want to run for the hills, kicking and screaming? It is interesting.

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#368733 - 01/23/08 04:06 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: jhmd]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
M.B. Offline
Parakeet
M.B.  Offline
Parakeet

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Honestly? The entire motherhood scenario has always sounded like a prison sentence to me. I'm completely baffled by women who revel in it. I simply don't get it.

I am very turned off by the idea of trading my life for one of drudgery, near- poverty, and constant motion. I'm lazy. I like to sit. I also like having a clean, quiet home.

I hate cleaning up after others. Just sweeping up after "Princess Litter-Kicker" on a daily basis makes me crazy, even though it takes less than 3 minutes of my day. (One day, I'm going to convince that cat that energetically digging down to the plastic and tossing loose litter all over the bathroom and hallway floors is NOT a requirement for doing her business!)

Also, I'm not very fond of children. Most kids are entirely welcome to get out of my line of sight/ range of hearing within five minutes of our first encounter.

And yea, I'm a step-parent. Fortunately, I'm a step-parent to a quiet, (somewhat) tidy child who isn't around everyday.


Happily Living The Childfree Life!
#368751 - 01/23/08 04:41 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: jhmd]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Maxwell Offline
Gecko
Maxwell  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Australia
I wouldn't look at MySpace pages about day to day baby stuff or read baby blogs - that level of detail doesn't interest me.
It doesn't annoy me - I'm just not sufficiently interested to read through that stuff.

Feebee (one of our group) included in one of her posts a piece from her friend's baby blog - I didn't know these things existed...it amazed me that parents would send off this level of detail to everyone they know...
I could understand keeping a diary or a log for your own pleasure and reference or perhaps, sending it to grandparents or other "very interested" parties, that's all...

The question posed by your friend, after you mentioned you were thinking of changing your job ie. "What if you and hubby want to have a baby soon"...is often a convenient way of "opening" the topic...
I was offered a position years ago that involved lots of international travel. A colleague asked me a similar question...
She did that sort of thing every year or so - I guess to see if there had been a change of heart/attitude. It always amazed me just how interested she was in my life - she couldn't comprehend that a couple might choose not to have kids.
BTW I took the job and love it...really enjoy the travel.
Hope the job interview goes well.

#368761 - 01/23/08 05:16 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: Maxwell]  
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Maxwell Offline
Gecko
Maxwell  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Australia
PS On the friend that talks about her baby non stop...
It's a fact of life that things change - your best friend at 25 may not be your best friend at 35 or 45...your lives may move in opposite directions and you might have less in common and enjoy each other's company less and less...
We lost touch with friends who could only talk about their kids - it usually happens gradually - both parties make less effort to stay in touch.
I think you're more likely to include parents in your circle, if you share common interests - you both play tennis or love antiques...something
I have one friend (mother of 2)- we saw less of each other when her kids were small - she was a SAHM for 8 years so, it was hard to catch up for lunch or grab a drink after work.
Also, her entire world was her kids during those years.
This friend has now returned to the workforce and we meet for lunch once a month...she is so excited by the challenges of her new job that her children are no longer her only topic of conversation.
I also, know parents that have always been able to talk about a range of topics including their kids - not limited to their kids...
If your friend's focus remains quite narrow, I suspect you'll naturally, over time, see less of her.

#368764 - 01/23/08 05:20 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: Maxwell]  
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
flyingaway  Offline
Chipmunk

Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
I can relate jhmd SO much. I seriously do not understand it. The mommy culture is not appealing one bit. A friend who seems to feel sorry for me because I don't have kidswas describing things she loved about it once, and they were things like being in the stands at Little League games, and traveling to take their son to soccer tournaments. Even her high points sound awful to me.

These people who are desperate for SAHM friends strike me as dullards honestly, but if I had a kid I might want to hang out with them so my kid had someone to play with. I think that's what it's all about for them. If their personality is anything like those blogs, yawn!

#368767 - 01/23/08 05:29 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: flyingaway]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 105
Keaghry Offline
Jellyfish
Keaghry  Offline
Jellyfish

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 105
Silly question, what does SAHM stand for? Anyway, I don't know why it's so unappealing, but it is : ) I used to have a friend whose life was all around her husband and kids, and it still makes me want to throw up. Even if I had a man and a family, still wouldn't build my world around them, men can decide tomorrow they don't want you anymore and kids (ideally) will grow up and leave.

#368772 - 01/23/08 05:52 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: Keaghry]  
Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 198
.......... Offline
Jellyfish
..........  Offline
Jellyfish

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 198
Stay At Home Mom. SAHM.

I don't know why it's hideously unappealing to me, but it is. Even stories of childbirth make me cringe. I have some friends from high school who became parents, and they post comments to other parent friends of theirs about how bad the poopy diapers were that day. Seriously. I hate hearing SAHMs talk amongst themselves.

I had a good friend who wanted so badly to get pregnant. We used to party together, and then she told me she planned to quit everything to prepare for pregnancy. (I don't party anymore at this point, but that's beside the point.) I expressed that I wouldn't be so excited about it. Then she said that it'd be fun - I could help babysit and everything! You can imagine my response to that: ICK! She stopped answering my calls after that. Sad, but our friendship would have probably died after she had the kid anyway, just because I wouldn't have been interested and it would become her whole world.


#368773 - 01/23/08 05:53 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: Keaghry]  
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
GreyDrakkon Offline
Gecko
GreyDrakkon  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
Stay At Home Mom, and SAHD is Stay At Home Dad.

Why's it unappealing to me? Oh, the reasons are too numerous to count. wink I mostly attribute it to a deep-down core of my "self" that I've had since I knew to recognize it that I just didn't want kids, ever. That I didn't want to give up my identity to be "mom", that NO, the world does NOT revolve around your particular brat, and everyone else thinks that the world revolves around THEIR brat. I don't want to be responsible for decades out of my life to making sure that not only does that life I brought into the world makes it to maturity, but is a GOOD person. A good person who gives instead of sucking more out of the planet. I could probably do it, but holy [censored] would I be miserable while doing it.
As for that line "It's different when they're yours." I'd say "Yeah, you're right it is different...It's worse because I'm the one who did this to myself instead of being smart and NOT having a kid."

Last edited by GreyDrakkon; 01/23/08 06:08 AM.
#368774 - 01/23/08 06:08 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: GreyDrakkon]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
Taitinfae Offline
Amoeba
Taitinfae  Offline
Amoeba

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
The main thing that puts me off is the complete focus on all things related to the kid. Some parents have no other interests. My SIL is like this. Her daughter does gymnastics and her whole life and social circle is about her daughter's gymnastics. She is a SAHM and all she talks about is her daughter and is offended when we don't want to do things that revolve around her gym activities. I also can't imagine being financially dependent on another person, which my SIL is and her husband always makes reference to.

I personally really like babies but not the gross bathroom issues and talks. eww. I'll play peek-a-boo for a few minutes and that satisfies my enjoyment of babies. Time to move on to a subject that both people can participate in and is intellectually stimulating.

#368790 - 01/23/08 09:56 AM Re: Why do I find it so unappealing? [Re: Taitinfae]  
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
CFFB Offline
Gecko
CFFB  Offline
Gecko

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
Hi all. I hate the thought of never having time to myself to get away. I get desperate if I don't get time to shut myself off from the world and process everything in my brain. I get extremely irritable if I get too harassed by people or have too much in my social calendar. It's just who I am and how I am built - I have a creative and analystical mind and am over-sensitive to external stimuli. In my last job for four years I shared a tiny office with two other staff, one of whom was my assistant. We were literally 3 feet away from each other with no windows. I just about went crazy and some days I felt murderous. The thought of years and years of no mental space is what panicks me. And the thought of being sleep deprived for years. A colleague was recently going on about how during the first few years you get broken sleep.

When I was seriously contemplating motherhood a couple of years ago, I fast forwarded in my mind and thought about all the schooling events and obligations I would have to attend with other parents. Just the thought of that turned me right off. I could just about manage one well-behaved only child if they never had to be friends with other children who have parents. Also the other children btw, eg having to host birthday parties etc.

I know I was much more child friendly in my 20s. I should have done motherhood then if I was going to. But now I just have too much responsibility and am too exhausted. I also know myself a lot more and am less tolerant of what I will spend my time on.

Recently btw I went to see my friend's daughter in an aerobics competition. She is 8 and honestly it was like Little Miss Sunshine. She is sort of chubby and will never be an aerobics champ. The other kids - oh my goodness. I can't begin to explain how appalled I was by these 7, 8, 9 year old girls in little bikinis doing very erotic movements, and all the parents shouting and yelling from the seats. I just don't want to be part of that grotesque world.

ps I have really turned a corner in the last couple of weeks, followng my emotional Christmas. I am starting to feel genuinely CF and OK about it!

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