I completely agree with the SAHP staying home when the children in school is a scam (to put it harshly). But, if their spouse chooses to support that, then oh well, their problem.

I have SIL who went to college, is very smart, but is really introverted. Her kids are just reaching the teens, and she hasn't had a job since before they were born. The crazy part is, she married a guy without a college education, and is now dependent on him completely financially. He makes really low wages, and has a lot of trouble finding decent jobs. Hence, they are barely scraping by, in debt, and constantly stressing about money. It's to the degree where they have trouble even paying for food! BUT, she won't get a job, and has no plans to get one in the future. Even when her husband LOSES jobs, she still just stays home. Her main hobby is gardening, so all winter we have no idea what she does. On top of that, she is always depressed.

My husband and I just hear about it and can't understand it. I've ALWAYS worked, so have trouble sympathizing too much. For awhile we were actually sending them money, because we were worried about them. But we stopped because we finally decided, well, she's not even trying to work and probably never will. I just can't understand marrying someone who has less earning power than you, but then just giving up and becoming completely dependent on them. We keep wondering what in the world she will do when her kids grow up and move out. At least she's a great parent, and her kids are turning out amazing, despite the role models. I worry about the daughter though and what she will end up doing.

Unreal frieda!

I have a hard time getting my mind around someone who allows life to just happen to them, without trying to make it better. Your SIL sounds like an ostrich. If she ignores the problem it doesn't exist. You would think a college-educated woman like her would know that she needed some sort of professional help to optimize her life.

Truly sad.

Yep. There are some psychological "issues" there for sure.

In a way, she is getting what she wants, so it's not encouraging her to come out of her shell. The obviously just doesn't want to work, doesn't want to have to be out in the world, and wants to stay home. I think she even feels sorry for me, because my husband hasn't been the bread winner in our marriage, I have to work, and she's always told me I should have children. It's like she's gotten what society says is the most incredible achievement for a woman, being a SAHM (even if not a very comfortable one), and there's no incentive for her to do anything else.

I know how you feel, although when I was in graduate school I felt like I was on top of the world, even though I had 14-hour days. And then I got out and sent out my reel and resumes and waited for the job offers to roll in, and it never happened. And now, almost 3 years later, I work part-time (15 hours a week) as a videographer. I've done a few freelance projects, but [censored] projects that I hated. I can't get a junior college to even respond to my application to be a teacher. I work one day a week as a registration assistant because I gave up all my other hours to work at the cable station which fired me after 2 months (but it's better than working in that life-sucking environment.) And now I teach gymnastics 8 hours a week.

I won't get even close to making $20,000 this year, and I work 30 hours a week, plus subbing for other registration assistants.

My husband brings in three times what I make. Then when he gets home I have to practically force him to do anything. I've been waiting for 9 months for him to design my two websites. So, I do all the cleaning and most of the cooking. There are days when I feel like a complete failure, like I'm a drain on my husband's paycheck.

But then I realize - the reason I don't have a full-time job is because I'd have to commute to the city, which I hate. So I wouldn't be happy. I'm extremely happy as videographer where I am now, even if it's not even 20 hours a week. I like being home and getting a little more time to work on my other projects, like writing my scripts and training the dogs. And someday I'll have more hours as a videographer, or I'll teach, or I'll have more freelance projects, or I'll sell a script.

Ingilbert- I know where you're coming from. You've got a job, you just don't get paid for it yet. Your job is extremely tough because in order to get experience, you have to do just what you're doing- working [censored] side jobs while you put together your portfolio. I appreciate what you are doing, because I have artist friends who have to do the same thing. It's so hard to work in a creative field because you have to do so much work to even be considered for a paying job. I admire that you are sticking with it and hope you can keep at your goals.

Wow, Tress, that actually made me feel MUCH better! It's nice to find people who understand you! Thanks!

Yes, yes, *airily* I'll be here all week.