BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships Messed up

I am down tonight. Three weeks ago, I messed up accidentally and screwed up a very good friendship. Now, despite many attempts and numerous apologies to my best friend, I haven't heard one word and it is really starting to bother me a great deal and I just don't know what to do anymore.

The thing that gets me so upset is that not long ago, when he came to me with a confession that hurt me, I was willing to talk it out and came to acceptance about it and we moved on and all was fine, but now when I made a mistake, he is making me pay for it literally by not speaking to me or answering me or anything.

So I am kind of in the middle of sheer frustration and being really ticked off.

All I did wrong was leave a message on my cellphone that he took the wrong way and way out of context. His confession to me weeks ago was something that would shake the foundations on any woman, but I was willing to work it out and now here I am with him not speaking to me because of a cellphone message that he took the wrong way.

I tried explaining it to him by e-mail and phone but he is not answering me in any manner. What do you do or what can I say to fix things or is he just going to remain completely bullheaded over this stupid thing?

I even asked him to just drop me a line and tell me that he's extremely mad at me so I would know. I didn't even get a reply to that. I give up. Anyone have any advice they want to share?

I'm going to tell it like I see it.
men's emotional levels are not as...shall we say...mature as ours....
In my view, experience and opinion, there is still very much the little boy sulking about an awful lot of guys who throw a strop...
This may be partly due to Society's entrenched view that boys should toughen up, keep a stiff upper lip and not cry in public. So they tend to hold it all in, but in the process, their emotions don't 'mature' as well as they should.
Or it could just be part of a man's mental make up.
This is just a generalisation, not specific. But if you view it as the boy inside the man, being childish, and not child-like...it may help towards understanding what is making him tick....

Alexandra pretty much hit it on the head.

I know that when I get upset with my wife, usually over something stupid, I hold a grudge for a couple of days. I don't intend to do it, it just happens that way.

Just give him some time and some space and he will get over it.

Thank you both for giving me some enlightenment here. It's one thing if you do something really bad, but something this mundane I think is nuts to be angry over.
Vance, you said to give him space. Just wondering, but three weeks is a long time. Do you think he will even speak to me ever again?

bahrain,

I don't know. I do not know the person you are talking about and I don't know him personally so I cannot answer that for you.

I don't know the extent of the message he saw and even though he took it out of context, it must have been something that he took personally and hurt him somehow. Have you tried to contact him during the three weeks? Because if you have, that is not giving him space.

Send him one more email and in the subject line tell him something like: Please read and this will be the last time I try to contact you.

Explain exactly what the message on the cell phone was for or about, even if you have tried to do this already, and explain how you gave him another chance after he did what he did to you. Make it a heartfelt letter and tell him that this is the last time you will contact him and it will be up to him to contact you if he wants to talk about it or wants to make ammends with you. Let him know that you will be willing to talk with him whenever he wants to and then you have to stop communicating with him completely after you send the letter.

You have to let him come to you when he is ready. If he doesn't then it sounds like he was looking for an excuse to end your relationship anyway.

I know it's hard because when my ex-girlfriend left me for another guy, it felt like my heart was ripped out. Relationships never end good. Part of it was my fault I guess too for not properly communicating with her and then letting her slip away without even knowing it.

I hope things work out for you and I hope you can mend your relationship with him.

If I can help anymore, please let me know. Good Luck!!!

Vance, just wanted to let you know that just now, I got an e-mail from him. He explained that he has been away for awhile and he read all of my e-mails and got my messages and that everything is ok, he said that he misses me very much and can't wait to have a talk but he is not home at the current moment.

So as you can imagine, I was greatly relieved to hear this. Thank you Vance and Alexandra for your advice. Thank you for making me feel better about things. It's great knowing both of you.

That is awesome. You must really feel like a big weight has been lifted off of your chest.

I never even thought about the possibility of him being out of town. Congrats!! Hope it works out the way you want!!

Yes, you can imagine my shock when I saw his e-mail. I was like "Oh my god". And when I read it, I was beaming but now I feel like such a dummy for assuming things. You know what the
saying is about that. lol

Even though he is perfectly ok with everything, I still feel stupid for assuming. Oh well, I guess you can't win them all, can you?
The only thing I am grateful for is the fact that he is still in my life. I am thanking god for that right now. I didn't want to lose him.