BellaOnline Forums Family 12 Step Recovery married to an alcoholic

Hello I am new to this forum. I wasn't aware of an all women forum even being out there. I am a soon to be 35 year old women with four children all by my husband and thirteen years of marriage. I will go into a little detail however I will try to be brief. When we meet we were very young. My husband drank 80oz of beer a day after work basically everyday. He excepted me for who I was at the time so I excepted him for who he was also. Throughout the years we have been through some rough times, things have gotten physical in the past and very verbally abusive as well. Some things have gotten better but somethings have not. This past June 07 I confronted the situation about his drinking with him and things did not change. He has been in two car accidents and has been stopped by the police three times for drinking. The last accident was pretty bad. He had a court date and because the officer did something wrong all charges were dropped. This man drives truck for a living. Now mind you he has never drank on the job or when he has something important to do. From the time he leaves work and behind a wheel he is drinking. He as switched from beer to rum. He is nasty and mean when he drinks. I am at the point of leaving him because I don't know what to do to help him see that he is putting all of lives on the line. I have not figured out if he just doesn't not want to stop or he can not stop. I love this man and everything that we built together but I am going insane with the lies and promises. I guess I wanted to know if there is anyone out there experiencing the same things. Help!!!!!

The first thing I must tell you is that he cannot stop; at least not on his on and he can promise you anything but it won't happen. The second thing is that you absolutely must get to Al-Anon. You and your children must learn what to do and how to get YOUR lives back together. Has anyone suggested AA? Honestly, until he is ready, until something is more important than drinking he cannot stop no matter what. Unfortunately, he may do further damage to himself and someone else if he continues. I would ask that you write to me at 12steprecovery@bellaonline.com. If I have your email address I think I can help you further. You are the important person right now (and your children). I'm glad you recognize this disease of alcoholism and it is even harder because I know you love him. I've been there but, of course, I am the alcoholic. Please email me so that I may ask you some questions you may not wish to answer on a public forum. I am here to be of service to you. God bless.

Kathy L.

Thanks for responding. I have sent you an e-mail so I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks

First and foremost is the safety of you and your children! I suggest going to Alanon and Alateen for your children if they are old enough. Alanon is one of the greatest programs in the world. It won't make your husband stop drinking but it helps you so very much. You didn't cause his drinking and you can't cure it but it gives you some coping skills. If you go to a meeting you don't like go to another one because some meetings are better than others.

As they say in AA as long as they're still breathing there's still hope.

TAke it easy, take good care of yourself and take it one day at a time, one hour at a time if necessary.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Thank you for your prayers and I am looking into the Al-non meeting for myself. I want to reconnect with my husband but it she a feeling inside that I can not let go of that is keeping me from being able to simply say it's ok and go on. I am hoping that Al-non will teach me new coping skills and also help me to restore me. Thanks alot sometime you just need to explain your feeling without consquence.

Thanks

Thanks for giving niky some additional advice. I know I write the recovery articles but it is so important that others out there, whether in AA or Al-Anon or any other recovery program try to be of service to those who ask for help via this forum. So, as the 12 Step Recovery editor, thanks!