Jay Leno; Now there are more overweight people in America than average weight So overweight people are now average which means you have met your New Years resolution!
Mark Twain; New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of No particular use to anyone save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks and friendly calls and humbug resolutions
P.J.O'Rourke; The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Years Eve when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to!!
�We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.�
�Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance. To a friend, your heart. To a customer, service. To all, charity. To every child, a good example. To yourself, respect.�
"Stop being so hard on yourself! So you're an embarrassing goofball sometimes. Would you rather be a boring goofball spending all her time watching Law & Order Criminal Intent?"
"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."
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