OK - so I married a man who had a porn problem that I thought wasn't as bad as it really was. I made him throw out his porn so we could focus on us and nothing has changed. I am 35 and TOTALLY in my prime. He is saying he is suffering from E.D. - but that doesn't stop him from his morning palm reading. We have slept in seperate beds and rooms since we were married due to his leg an accident and at the same time, I had a C-section and was recovering slowly along with post-par depression. It's been 3.5 years since the baby was born and we have had sex maybe 3 times of which it was all about him. He has also shot up to 400 lbs and smokes and doesn't want to change. He freaks at the thought of me with someone else and if I bring up sex, he has a fit and states that I am not being sensitive about his 'problem'. He's white/Italian and I am mixed 1/2 lack 1/2 white. We have known eachother since pre-school and he is my brothers best friend. He would never divorce me or cheat or leave me, so with that I feel stuck and I can feel the resentment growing. The thing is I have a good life and he is a good provider and good father. I have everything else but that closeness and I don't think I want it anymore with him but I feel like I am stuck for my sons sake. I don't know. He was never really AMAZING in bed. He said to me he use to do 'things' but now it makes him gag. he had over 60 pornos but when it comes to me he plays stupid or acts like he's upset. My attraction to him has just been next to nothing. He tries to kiss me or hug ma and it's ok but for the most part I am just getting by day by day and wondering how this could be my life?

So, the other day I met someone who was totally into me. I mean calls me and texts me and is just really hot - Richard Gere all the way with hazel eyes and a nice everything. He's also married but we are just so into eachother that I know I will sleep with if the chance comes up. He makes me feel like my husband never did, not even when we were dating. He is just the kind of man that you want to just look at and smile.

My question is, can an affair help a marriage? I know this man can't give me what my husband gives me but he can give me what my husband can't. I don't think my husband cheats or would ever. die hard old school Italian he is but to be honest if he did cheat I would be ok with it. I have friends with open marriages and my husband thinks it's sick, so i know he would never go for it. I feel stuck and cheated out of sexual happiness. I don't care who says what, toys don't replace touching and whispers and the closeness shared from great sex.

I just don't what to do anymore. Would this be good for me? Any advise out there please?????

If you are that unhappy in the marrage end it! an affair will not help you or your marrage. talk to your husband and tell him how you feel and that things have to change or you are living him because you you have been thinking of cheating and if things dont change you will seek a divorce lawyer.

I would not cheat it never ends well for anyone!

Some men (and womem, too) seem attracted to pronagraphy because it isn't real sex. Since the never have to perform - they can't be judged or found lacking. Masturbation doesn't count, because there is no one else to lay judgement.

It sounds like your husband may be one of these types.

You having a C-section and then PPD may have pushed his panic button even farther. Now he's not only scared of not performing, but also of hurting you.

Before you jump into an affair, please consider some serious counseling with your husband. He probably needs some personal counseling as well. Before the touting of Viagra and other drugs like that, doctors actually would try to find out the reason for a man's ED, and try to work on that as opposed to just the symptoms.

I am on my 2nd marriage. My first one fell apart (partially) because we tried to do an open marriage thing, and then both wound up haveing affairs. Instead of looking at what was causing our sex life to not be happy - we jusdt looked for ways to "spice it up". Going down this road, especially if your underlying feelings are ones of hurt and neglect, will more than likely end in divorce.

It is much better to at least try to work through counseling, before going on to something more drastic.

Very Wise and well spoken!!! I was trying to get that out but...didnt come out right!

It's hard for me to write about sometimes, because I still feel so guilty and shameful of the part I played in it. But if someone else can learn from my mistakes - they are welcome to "stand on my shoulders".

You are my hero!!!

wow - the porn thing was pretty much on the nose. he has said that to me about being judged. but as far as therapy, he won't go with me any more. he won't go by himself either. he doesn't think there is a problem and so i go alone and just owrk on me. i am totaly afraid of divorce and where i will be without his support. i do love him but not in love with him and i do care for and about him but i don't care to be with him. very mixed feelings and now with a child and house and things we own and such, it just seems like divorce would be very messy and troublesome. i just don't know. i have spoken to him and with him and at him to get my feelings but if i threaten him with divorce, better be ready to back it u and where i am at right now with a new business and new house, i am not ready to be on my own. i didn't just didn't think marriage was so efen hard - my parents made it look so easy and then their divorce was a total nightmare. i just don't know.

No affair can repair a marriage. It would destroy it.

A marrage is a lot of work and it takes two to make it work! love is not a feeling it is a choice and an action! are you willing to choose to love your husband and get through this together? is he?

you cant make him choose to love you and you cant fix a marrage when the other is not willing to help.....

No matter what you say about being afraid of getting a divorce, the truth is that a divorce is really what is needed if something isn't done soon.

He needs to seek the help of a urologist to check out all "equipment." I suggest a urologist because they are trained in all health problems of the male genitalia both inside and out. Has your husband ever had a prostate exam? He needs a physical first before anything else.Then, definitely some form of counseling.

Best of luck!