BellaOnline Forums Family 12 Step Recovery Resentments

My article this week is about resentments. We all have them even if they are small. I am opening up this forum for any of you to talk about a resentment you might have or anything at all about resentments. If you have one right now, you will feel better writing about it. So join in! You are always anonymous when you write here, to me and to all of the readers!

Hi, Kathy! What a great topic for me! My beloved Dad was buried on Friday. My resentments are against everyone that he loved and assisted for over forty, fifty years in this community - who haven't called or sent a card or who didn't even bother to show up for the services (it was in the three big daily newspapers that cover my entire state). There was also a 'boycott' of the funeral because I elected to have it in the Catholic church I am registered in and not my dad's - two miles away, same faith, and his only wish was to buried Catholic! The few who did attend either snubbed me outright, not even offering sympathy, or shot me maleviolent looks - during the Funeral Mass of my father, yes! How in the world do I live with these resentments?!

First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your Dad. Losing a parent in and of itself can create some resentments. But you can live with the types you have. Forgiveness isn't easy but resenting others just eats us up and plays like a bad movie over and over in our heads. Honestly, the only way to begin (and I say begin) losing those resentments is to pray for those very people that you resent and wish them the same kindnesses as you would wish a friend. And you have to do this over and over. Are you in a recovery program or one of those lucky "normal" people? If you are in recovery my suggestions would be a little different than if you are not in a recovery program but the praying I mentioned above, does not change. Remember that resenting someone--anyone--is like taking poison and expecting them to die.

I would be glad to give you more of my "opinion" as to what to do but would also like to ask anyone of you out there for their suggestions. Anyone??

jellyfish, the important thing here is you abided by your dads wishes, which is what i hope for from my own children..when i came into AA years ago an old timer used to tell me to "bless those people far away" because we never know what is going on in anothers head or what burdens of self centeredness they are carrying, and yes Kathy is right:-)..i had to pray for quite a few people in my time, and wish for them what i wished for myself.. the prayers really helped me to let go of the things i have no control over and to remember one of the best slogans we have "live and let live" bless you dahling, for being well enough to do the right thing for you and your dad..
make this day a great day!!!..you won't get it again and remember to go where the love is..carol

Carol, Thanks for solidifying and adding to the suggestions to Jeannee 63. I wish more women would add to this forum regardless of their time in recovery. We all have so much to say but we must say it! So, thanks again. And, by the way, we are obviously "neighbors". Tempe. Scottsdale.

God bless,
Kathy

hi cathy, i am now in phoenix until we move back to florida in march..i lived in tempe before we moved here..it really is a small world in our 12 step community:-)..who knows?? maybe we have already met!! i really hope jeanne63 is doing better and feels how much we care about her in this community
i made a committment to myself to check in with this community everyday since i can't get to as many meetings as i used to..this is a wonderful forum and i hope more people will write in too..i love hearing and reading about recovery..
the thing that still facinates me to this day, is our transformation, discovery of our real self,and the love for one another we all share..i learned early on in this program, you don't have to like somebody to love them..WOW!! says a lot huh? i could go on and on about our beautiful program everyone make today a good day!!!! why?, because we can:-)...Namaste',carol

Is there anyone out there in Belleville Illinois? I would like to here from you! Sierra69.

Sierra,

You are obviously in Belleville, IL but why not share whatever with all of us here? We are all just a cybersecond away! Good to hear from you.

Where is everyone?? are you all out tooling around doing holiday stuff and going to meetins in between..i hope so..i have recently moved back up to phoenix and my two regular meeting places i used to go to way back when are gone..boo hoo!!! i have to start checking out new meetings again and thank God they are out there for me...there are tons of meetings all over phoenix so i am sure i will be settleing in on some soon..
kathy i love the topic patience and tolerence..oh my gosh..that was not one of this alcoholics strong suits..i used to hate it when my sponsor would tell me to pray for patience..when i did it seemed every possible situation i would have to be patient on crept right up in front of me...i swear!!! be careful what you pray for!!!
ah!!! tolerence..i never ever thought of myself as not tolerent..i just didn't get it that it meant tolerence of others, people ,places and things..i was tremendously tolerent of myself..jeeze louise, no wonder others didn't understand me!!..lo and behold, slowly the language of the heart creeps in and we learn so many things just by what others speak and act in these wonderful rooms..i really love who i have become because of you..and yes, i can say, i honestly try to be tolerant, loving and kind today...oh my, the rewards far outweigh the energy i put into these beliefs..thank God and AA:-)
everyone make it a great week!!!..hugs, and Namaste', Carol