I have three daughters, two of whom are old enough to *I think* start having some say in how they wear their hair.
Daughter number one is Latino and has very curly very thick hair. It's just beautiful!!! She hates the curls and at 11 years old was really starting to worry about how it looked for school. Over the summer we discussed options. She has been growing it out because she wanted it long, but in the process was asking me to flat iron it on a regular basis. I told her this was not an option anymore because I just don't have the time to do that.
I talked to my stylist about chemical relaxers (which were not recommended) and about product to help control friz. In the end we decided on a nice new cut, longer in the front so she could keep some length but stacked in the back to help control some of that curl. She loves it, I love it and it's much easier for her to care for on her own.
Daughter number two is Caucasian and has very thin, very fine and very straight hair. She too wanted to grow it out, but because of her age (9) and how little she wanted to care for it herself, we also discussed together getting a nice new cut in a shorter style that would flatter her face and be easier to keep.
Daughter number 3 is two ... so she gets what Mom (or in this case, her Daddy) wants. LOL!
My sons (of which I have 4) are all pretty young and so they get the haircut we pay for. My oldest boy will be 12 and we've experimented with length a few times. We don't *push* our ideals on him, but do suggest changes if we feel the style is getting out of hand or too long. On his own, he decided to cut it short again (YAY!).
Color, I don't know. I won't pay for chemical services for my kids until they are old enough to at least contribute some funds toward the price of the service AND they can show some good common sense in the decision-making process.
-Dana