BellaOnline Forums Education Colleges how often to contact a new freshman?

Hi Lynn-

I'm looking for ideas on how to be supportive but not induce homesickness when my son moves onto campus. How frequently should we be in touch? Is more or less contact better? Do we need to wait a while before visiting? I have a feeling that this is one of those things that may depend very much on the individual involved, but any rough guidelines would be appreciated.

thanks!

Lorel

How about suggestions for both the student and the parent? I've just moved my youngest into the dorms some 150 miles away. I've basically been a single mom for the past 26, but the last three, it was just the two of us. I don't want to lose the closeness, but don't want to stop her from growing. Is there a middle ground?

Hello all! I apologize for the time lag. Am just now recovering from vacation.

First, let me say that the frequency and duration of contact is really going to depend alot on your student's needs.

Here's a suggestion. Set up a regular phone appointment--say 7:00 p.m. every Sunday (Sunday evenings are usually spectacularly dead). Give your student a cell phone or calling card and let them call you. If you don't hear from them, call them and leave a message or voice mail. Just to let them know you're thinking abou them (not that you're checking in on them...).

I don't suggest "surprise" visits (ever). If your student or their campus invites you up for a "Parent's Day," go for it. Otherwise, leave them be. Both you and your student have to adjust to this new situation, and you can't really do that if you're living in each others' pockets. Otherwise, leave visits for special occasions (birthdays, games, holidays).

If you're into self-help, I like "Letting Go: A Parent's Guide to the College Years" by Coburn and Treegar and "I'll Miss You Too" by Margo Woodacre Bane. Parents seem to take to these well.

Good luck!

Thanks Lynn. We've kind of settled into a routine. Dad IMs the kid 1-2 times a week. We call about once a week, and I've been sending a card or care package every once in a while too. Looks like we're almost through the first month!

Lorel

IM's a handy way of staying in touch.

Sounds like you guys are working through the separation process nicely.

Good luck!

My favorite part of living in the dorms was the care packages my step-mother would send - at BGSU in Ohio we used to get tickets to pick up our package at the front desk and it was so exciting wondering what was in it - she always sent homemade treats for the holidays - so I think that is an awesome idea!

When I was an RA I realized that some students want their parents to be there only when they want them to - which for a parent is hard to tell from miles away! My only suggestion would be to not take it personally if they are short on the phone or say they are too busy to talk - I remember my parents thought they were bothering me, I wanted to keep in touch with them, I just needed them to be less sensitive about the timing.

Now that I'm a mother of 2 little boys, I'm sure I will have my share of sensitive moments with them pushing me away in my future! My sister also just sent my nephew to college and they talk ever night, so I guess each person really is different. Thank goodness for the internet!