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#347233 10/11/07 01:32 PM
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indigo2 Offline OP
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i just had to post this! this morning i was working at the gym. the instructor was talking about her 4 yr. old son(very nice and cute kid)anyway, she said that he's the first person she has felt unconditional love from.i thought to myself what about her husband?(don't know if she's married or has a boyfriend)anyway, i certainly feel that my hubby has unconditional love for me and vice versa.i also have a few friends that i feel that way about. i mean i don't know why people think that children are the only ones to give unconditional love. i mean my parents dog even gives that to me. also with so many parents having strained relationships with their kids as they get older there's no garuantee of continuing unconditional love.

that comment really struck me. i don't know .in a way i felt sad for her.i mean i really don't think a child should have such a burden placed on him/her.it sounded like to me that he's filling a huge hole in her life.

i believe that unconditional love should and does come from a variety of people in your life. i think it's just another manipulation to get people to have kids.

indigo

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Koala
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I get unconditional love from my sugar glider, Hamlet. Also, my dogs. My husband, too.

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Chipmunk
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I agree with you Indigo. Does a mother love her child unconditionally too? Because then hasn't this woman received it from her own mother?

It does seem like setting yourself up for future loneliness when your child grows up and finds their own love life, and setting up your children to pull away from you because you're so needy.

My own mother pulls this [censored] all the time...she tells us she's only truly "happy" when she's around us (her kids). Then she's constantly dissatisfied, since I live 7 hours away (gee, wonder why?), and my sibling has a busy life and full time job. I think it's a sad way to live to always be clinging to someone who has their own life, and not be able to build deep relationships with anyone else.

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Gecko
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My mom does the same Frieda.

I know that teenagers don't give unconditional love.

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But it's NOT unconditional! She feeds, houses and otherwise attends to the child's every need. Last I checked, those are conditions.

It sounds like she simply prefers parental obligations to spousal obligations.

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Jellyfish
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I know a good friend who does EVERYTHING for her child. The Dad is a deadbeat. Yet she still gets unwanted feedback from her son. Maybe in time he (the kid) will learn and understand.

I have plenty of other horror stories.....not the kind I like !

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One thing I have been trying SO hard to do for my daughter is to make her independent. I don't DO everything for her because she is 10 years old and capable of learning to do things herself.

She does the dishes most of the time, she folds her laundry, if she is in trouble she folds mine as well. She makes her own bed and helps me make mine. She is responsible for putting the trash out at the curb and usually collecting it in the house beforehand. She scoops the litter box as well. Of course there are times when I do some of these things for her, especially when she has brought home good grades or something. She also is learning too cook. She has been capable of making her own dinner since she was in 1st grade, back then of course it was a frozen dinner but over time she learned to read the time on the box and put the time in herself. Now she can make things that are not from a box.

People who are a slave to their children do them NO favours, the real world is a shock to them when MOMMY isn't there to pick up the pieces. AND keeping a dead beat Dad around teaches the child that his behavior is not only OK but preferable.

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Gecko
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I've heard the expression "unconditional love" for your child not for your parents. That is, you love your child because he/she is your child - that's it.
On this point - I recall seeing a documentary about death row a few years ago - a mother was saying that she loved her son unconditionally (he was facing execution) even though he was a convicted serial killer. She didn't approve of his actions or make excuses for him but he was still her boy...

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I wish my mother made me do the laundry, wash the dishes, etc when I was growing up. To this day, she still feels guilt over doing that. In trying to protect me (the oldest and only male child) she literally did me no favors for preparing for the future.

I ended up paying the price when I went to college and literally had no idea what the heck I was doing. When I ultimately moved out on my own, I was a fish out of water. I was lucky I didn't burn the water when I tried to boil it. (I kid you not!)

Luckily, my wife educikmated me in the ways of keeping house, cooking, etc. Ok, so she's not a good housekeeper, but I turned out to not be a good one either, so we're both on even ground there -- most definitely not a point of disagreement in our household.

I'm not perfect, but at least I know how to help out around the house. And when I do cook stuff, it is good (or so I've been told). But part of me still thinks that she just says that just because. Low self-esteem kicks in for some reason in that area of life for me.


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Originally Posted By: Deborah49
I've heard the expression "unconditional love" for your child not for your parents. That is, you love your child because he/she is your child - that's it.
On this point - I recall seeing a documentary about death row a few years ago - a mother was saying that she loved her son unconditionally (he was facing execution) even though he was a convicted serial killer. She didn't approve of his actions or make excuses for him but he was still her boy...


That is how I feel about my daughter, no matter what she could do I would still love her. I might be hurt, dissappointed or whatever but she is part of my body, I could no sooner dis-own her then I would cut off my right arm because it had done something wrong.

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