BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Ahhh, Childfree Bliss (Warning...LONG!)

I don't know what it is, but lately I've just been feeling so much gratitude that I made the childfree choice. I never wanted kids (and quite frankly, couldn't understand why others did), so I'm not sure why this is coming as such an epiphany to me. Well, maybe there are a few things:

1. Simply reading True Mom Confessions (www.truemomconfessions.com) every now and then completely validates my decision. Not that I need validated�frankly, I think I go to that site once in a while just for a good laugh. Still, it gives me a good feeling when I can tell myself, �THAT WILL NEVER BE ME!�

2. Listening to co-workers, friends, neighbors, family members. It seems with the start of a new school year, parents are experiencing stress after stress. �Timmy needs me to bake 100 cupcakes by tomorrow!� �I need to help Tessy with her science project.� �My kids have soccer practice every night and I�m sick of having to sit there while they practice.� �Josie sprained her ankle playing soccer and now we have medical bills we can�t afford.� �Julie wants designer clothes and she�s going through growing spurts so she can only wear them for a few months.� �Betsy wants the most expensive class ring�I guess we�ll be scrimping on everything else for awhile.� �My son just isn�t getting Spanish�I guess we�ll have to send him to Sylvan or a tutor.� �Caroline doesn�t like playing piano, but I want to make sure she knows how to play.� �Cathy�s violin cost a fortune, and so do the lessons.� On and on and on. It�s one problem after another�.one burden after another. And people sign up for this?

3. DH and I love to travel. We haven�t done much this year as we�ve been busy working on our house and landscaping, etc. We have a vacation coming up soon, and we are so looking forward to it. This is a trip that requires a lot of driving, hiking, touring, and exploring. Definitely not something you would want to do with kids. Yet we are free to leave when we want, spend time doing what we want, and not have to worry about making sure junior has a good time (or can keep up with us!).

4. My materialistic side. I admit it�sometimes I can be shallow and materialistic. It doesn�t happen that often, but when it does, I want to be able to afford to buy whatever I want. With fall and winter approaching, I walked into my closet and realized that I needed some new clothes. So I went on an online shopping spree and have a new wardrobe coming. At first, I didn�t think much about it�.but then I remembered something that happened many years ago (before DH and I got married). I was working at a hospital at the time, and I had ordered a ton of clothes which were shipped to my place of work because they needed to be signed for. One of the social workers who was in the department shook her head and said, �you had better enjoy it now. After you get married and have kids, you won�t be able to do stuff like that.� I told her I wasn�t planning on having kids, and I fully intended to buy nice clothes and keep myself looking good. (She happened to be somebody who put ZERO time in her appearance.) I remember the look on her face�.like she didn�t believe me. I mentioned the incident to my then-fianc�/now husband, and he said to me, �she�s jealous�I�m glad you take pride in your appearance, and you can bet that I�ll never give you any grief over buying new clothes.� So, I guess I was right�.I didn�t have kids (YES!!), and even though I�m not a fashion maven, I buy nice things for myself anytime I feel the urge. Why? BECAUSE I CAN!!

Thank goodness we have the choice! We may get grief from others (especially parents who want you to be as �blessed� (read: miserable) as they are), we may have to pay abhorrent taxes as a punishment for not breeding, and we very well might be ostracized by some members of society by exercising a very real choice�.yet to me, the freedom, the lack of stress, and the financial security makes it (say it with me now!)�.ALL WORTH IT!!

Jez, thank you - I love this positive, fresh, energetic reminder.

Hi Jez,

The school part of kids really turns me off, too. None of it turns me on - I like being around kids for short periods of time, but that's it. So I can relate.

I think they give the kids too much work, and the parents end up getting involved in a lot of the homework. That stuff was boring enough the first time around. School didn't get interesting for me until I was in college. The kids are all in tons of events, sports, blah blah blah. Very expensive and very boring. And there's no peace, because parents are constantly running around.

I hate it when people that have kids make comments like your coworker. They make having kids sound like punishment and I agree with you, why would I freely choose to be punished and tortured for the rest of my life?

We know a single Mom, and she has two kids and she's in a pretty dire situation. We've been kind to her, and given her old furniture and other things. She asked me when we met if we were having kids, and I explained why we are not. And my DH2B told me she asked him again recently if we would be having "babies." She shared with me that she's really unhappy with her situation, thinks it will be hard to meet a guy, and doesn't like other people's kids, so doesn't want to meet a guy that already has kids. And I think she keeps asking b/c she wants us to be in the same awful situation she is in. I completely agree with you. A lot of people are really envious that we are moving to a warmer climate, too. I'm so glad I'm not trapped, and can do whatever I want! I'm really tired and cranky today b/c it's Monday, and I'm going to go to bed early. When can a parent do that? Never!

Thanks for sharing your story. It cheered me up b/c I'm having a cranky day at work.

Jez, I cannot agree with you more. I have been realizing more and more lately that CF is pretty much the only way I can see myself being happy. My DH and I are like you and your DH in that we are free to work on the home improvement stuff, etc., as well as plan vacations, because we have no kids. Of course, we have our 6 lovely cats, but they will never cause us stress like kids would. All of your examples of the school stuff were right on. I also like the fact that whenever DH & I need to purchase some new clothes or other things on a whim, we can. We don't go out and spend lots of money very regularly, but it's nice to know that if we feel the need, we can splurge on ourselves.

It is also nice to have a lovely routine of coming home from work, both of us working out, showering, getting supper/lunches for the next day ready, eating and drinking a nice glass of wine and enjoying TV with the kitties. It's so peaceful. I think that's the best thing about being CF, which is why I've come to realize that it is the only way to go....

A blissful moment to share: right now, sitting on my couch on this lovely September afternoon, the quiet is penetrated by the screeching of the two little girls from next door. They seem to be unable to play outside without constant screaming. So I get up, shut the window, and ... it's gone!