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Joined: Oct 2006
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Amoeba
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Amoeba
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Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 91
Originally Posted By: FeebeeGeebee
Originally Posted By: indigo2
i hate feeling like i can't be "too friendly" around kids or else people just assume things.


I know what you mean. My husband has a group of friends who would like us (newly married, each on our second marriages aged 41,me, and 49,him) to have children. Whenever we see them (every month or so) I notice a couple of the women glance down to see if I have a 'baby bump'. Anyway, one of these women has two children - both lovely - and one is a baby. I just love holding that baby on my knee and nuzzling her soft hair with my nose and just marvelling at her perfect little hands etc. That doesn't mean I need to HAVE a baby. But then of course they all look at me with 'that look' - ooooh she really should be a Mum. I feel like saying "look, guys, it's more complex than that! Don't read into things!"


I too get the "you're so good with kids, you should have one!" comment, even from people who know perfectly well that I don't want them.

Usually, when this happens I say something like, "I'm so glad you think I'm good with kids. But, actually, if I were a parent, I'd be so stressed out from the drudgery of parenthood I wouldn't enjoy being around other peoples' kids very much. It's so much fun to visit with them - and not have to worry about raising them."

This usually shuts them up.

Interestingly, when I was growing up I had a number of CF aunts who enjoyed spending with me - did art projects with me, took me out to lunch, out shopping etc. It was great. Why were they able to spend all this time with me? Because they weren't busy raising kids. My other childed relatives were so frazzled dealing with their own kids, the last thing they wanted to do was spend time with other peoples' kids.

I think CFs play an important role in kids lives, which is why I think it's crazy for people to try to convince us to have them. Just let us be the cool aunts, uncles and friends that we are!

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Joined: Mar 2007
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Originally Posted By: FeebeeGeebee
[quote=indigo2]My husband has a group of friends who would like us (newly married, each on our second marriages aged 41,me, and 49,him) to have children. Whenever we see them (every month or so) I notice a couple of the women glance down to see if I have a 'baby bump'...I feel like saying "look, guys, it's more complex than that! Don't read into things!"


I'm sorry, but this new let's have kids in our 40s thing really bugs me. I have insider information on this, b/c my parents are in their mid 50s with a 7-year-old in their home. They are *exhausted* all the time. I know it's a lot more common now, but you certainly aren't obligated to have kids in your 40s.

There are lots of things we enjoy in life. I like fountains, waterfalls, fishponds, beagles, marble statues, etc. But I don't need to own one, or want to own one. And heck, it's a lot easier to care for a fountain than a child. It's *so* complicated and people gloss over that. They assume everyone feels the way they do about kids, and they don't.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
A quote I heard, that applies oh-too-well here:

"Just because you CAN do a thing, does not mean that you SHOULD do that thing."

Just because it is technologically possible to conceive a child into your 40s now gives the breeders even MORE harassment time for older women, especially CF women! After the "universally accepted" upper limit of the upper 30s got breeched, now they can gleefully look down on CF women until menopause.

Gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr frown


Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
I like children - some of them i love - but I do NOT want to be a parent.
I also like dogs a great deal and I HAVE thought about having one. But I don't think I'm cut out to have another dog and put into it what a dog owner must. (Now on that I could change my mind on the kid thing no!)
I'm not comparing kids to dogs either!
I'm just saying there's a difference between liking something (or someone) and wanting them permanently in your life!
Yes I would love it only people who like and want kids had them. There IS an overlap there of course!
But just cos you like em doesn't mean you want to have your own!
Some of us like them in small doses.
Some of us like to be with them then give them back!
Some of us don't like them at all - and that's OK too!


I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 16
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Newbie
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I use this one a lot:
"I love my life why would I want to purposely ruin it"

I get the "you would make a great mom" comment a lot too. Just like a lot of you I always tell people that I am already an awesome mom to my two dogs.




A dog is the only thing on this earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
--Josh Billings
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