BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Good comebacks that are not TOO nasty?!

I find myself wanting to ask people if they are going to have children ... because sometimes I hope they don't! I haven't actually asked anyone because I hate it when people ask me.

I was just thinking idly about that myself. People ask that because it is assumed that it is always a topic of conversation among married adults. I will never ask that question because of the following:

• I don't really care,
• I don't want to make the other person uncomfortable (like I would be), and
• I don't want my head bitten off if that person has had it up to here with that question, and I am the unfortunate recipient of that sentiment

I don't go around asking people "Did you enjoy sex with your spouse last night?" "What is your favorite position?" "Did you fake it or did you truly enjoy it?" "What contraception do you use, if any?" -- that is just plain rude, in addition to me not caring one bit what happens in the privacy of closed doors. Grrrrrr -- for American society to be so afraid of a female breast being shown publicly, people sure ask the most intimate questions of "friends"

"I find myself wanting to ask people if they are going to have children ... because sometimes I hope they don't! I haven't actually asked anyone because I hate it when people ask me."

I know, I am sometimes curious if someone is going to continue "to be around" or not. Because most people, mostly women, drop off the face of the earth when they have kids. And I think it's natural to be curious. But I refrain from asking, too, because I know how much I dread the question.

Hmm how about this one? This mother of three colleague who sometimes bingos me and gets on my nerves and yes I think is jealous of my childfree life and resentful of hers!! Well she clashes with another colleague.
This colleague doesn't have kids but we don't KNOW why. Maybe she can't.
Mother of three said "And she's fat! She's doesn't have any kids, she should be SO SKINNY!"
HELLO! SOME women - including me sigh! - have problems with their weight! Even if we DON'T have kids! I resent the implication I should look like Kate Moss just because I have no kids!
Some women have kids and seem to go back to their skinny selves. Some women have kids and get HUGE. Other women are already Huge even with NO kids. (No, I'm NOT huge! Just for the record!)
Just because SHE may have put on weight since having kids (and I don't know because I didn't know her before she had them) it doesn't mean that's the ONLY reason people do! JEEZ!

I would have LOVED to have had a good comeback to THAT one!

Thank you, Jez, for the first-time experience of spraying half-chewed lettuce at my desk. I BUSTED out laughing at the sight of "I'd rather off myself than reproduce." That's awesome.

Cindy,

In response to your post about when your openly gay coworker just assumed you'd be having kids b/c you're married, I can totally relate. I know several gay people who think that just b/c DH & I are married, stable, have good jobs, etc., that we should have kids and are surprised when I say I'm not sure we're going to have kids. I don't know people get these ideas/assumptions, especially the ones who don't want kids themselves! Yikes....

I know! And this guy is one who definitely does NOT like kids, he and his partner would never be the type of gay couple who would look into adoption or surrogacy because they wanted a kid. They enjoy the finer things in life, they love to travel, buy nice cars, remodel their house, upper end photography....every time they go on a trip, he comes back with stories about children in inappropriate places! LOL! But they just assume that straight couples are just going to automatically have kids, go figure!

Cindy

Angela: I'm glad you liked my comment. If it made you laugh, maybe I could start using it? Maybe we all need to have more of a sense of humor about all of this. I'm sick of getting upset about being asked "the question."

Cindy: It really annoys me when gays assume hetero = parent. If they can shirk their gender roles, why do we have to abide by ours? They are more than welcome to get in the game now and have kids if they want. I know I mentioned this before, but DH2B's gay uncle has commented on how "no one wants to stay home anymore." Read "women don't want to stay home anymore." Well, yeah, can you blame them?

It's a really good thing he doesn't have kids, though. Ironically, for a gay man, he's really intolerant of everything other than someone being homosexual. Go figure. He isn't even a good uncle.

Hmm a possible comeback: "Who says I HAVE to want what you want?"

Heterosexual couples, especially married couples, are assumed by ALL people, no matter gay, straight, US or non-US, to want to have children. Just think back to your childhood -- that is what TV, society, friends, family, and everyone else beats into you.

So when a gay man asks you "When are you having children?", it is because society has programmed him to think that way.

When a young 8 year old girl asks "Why don't you have kids -- isn't it automatic when you get married?", soceity and family has programmed her.

That is why we are the odd balls, the outcasts of society, looked down upon by everyone, because we are the rebels. We are the ones who are called selfish, because we choose the choice that has always been there. It is the choice never spoken of, that you never know about, because no one tell you about it.

Parenthood is a system. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside it, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The reproductive minds of the people we are trying to avoid. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.

Unfortunately, no one can be told what parenthood is. You have to see it for yourself.

What is parenthood? Control. Parenthood is a reproductive desire-driven dream world built to keep us under control in order to change an adult human being into this.
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HAH -- great post, Duane! Love the Matrix parallels.