BellaOnline Forums Family Siblings New article about adult sibling relationships

Here is an article about adult sibling relationships. What do you think about your adult siblings relationships?

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Mine stink. My brother has very bad relationships with all of us and his wife is part of the problem as she incourages his behaviour due to her own shortcomings. My sister also has a bad attitude and speaks to no one. Talk about disfunctonal. Sorry to say. I use to try to fix things but have given up and also do not allow them to mistreat me anylonger so there also is another closed relationship.

Well, I think that is a pretty healthy approach. There is no sense in beating yourself up when the people who have to change don't want to. Sad to hear, but you might be the only healthy one of the bunch. You can be thankful for that blessing at least.

My brothers and I get along fabulously. A lot of people I know are baffled by our relationships LOL I have 2 little brothers, one is actually a step-brother but we have all been together for 11 years. He was 13 when our parents got together so we have watched him grow up. My brothers are very protective of me. Whenever one of us is in a bind and our parents can't help out, we call each other. Our parents live 5 hours away and we all live within a 20 minute drive of each other. My birth mother tries to pit me and my brother against each other all the time. She will try to use my brother to get my kids so she can see them. She tries to tell him things I supposedly said about him but he knows not to believe her. I have talked to her in 2 years because of other circumstances. Since we were teenagers, I can't remember having a fight with him since he was 16 or 17. In fact, before any of us hang up the phone with the other, we still say "I love you" to each other. Even the two of them to each other.

That's wonderful! You are really showing that even in the face of provocation, you can rise above and show loyalty to the one who has really earned it - your brother. It probably shows your mom's discomfort, pain, or guilt about something in the family. That she would try to ignite conflict between you on purpose, it must be a solution for her somehow. Taking the focus off her own feelings??

Anyway, I commend your ability to really love (the verb) your brothers and treat each other like family ought to. That's a great ability to overcome on both your parts.

Erika

My biological mother and I have a long history of abuse. She abused me as a child physically and verbally and emotionally until I moved out. I didn't speak to her for a long time. My grandmother (her mother) died which started to bring us closer together. We started fighting again and my grandfather died within 2 years of my grandma. Because of her, I couldn't go to his funeral which I feel aweful about and he never got to see my son who was 5 months old when my grandfather died. When I was a teenager, I think she was jealous of the things I got to do for school because I was on honor roll, honor society, got to take classes for college credit, did competitions, etc. She got pregnant with me at 17, had me right after she turned 18. So you think she would be happy that I didn't do the same things she did. It is a long messed up story. I know I am better off away from her even though he still keeps in touch with her. I still love him anyways.

Wow, that's quite a story. You do seem to be better off not being in touch at all. Perhaps there are a few different dynamics with your brother and mom that make him a little more OK with keeping in touch. You both seem to have a handle on how the family "works", so it is a personal choice. Resilience is an underrated skill sometimes, and you seem to have it.

Erika