BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Odd things you've heard people say regarding kids

I agree that work/life is a balancing act for everyone. But any other thing that gets in the way of one's health, happiness, hobbies or sanity can be modified or eliminated - children cannot.

I can completely understand why you could be offended by some of the comments on this board. But I can't imagine why, as a parent, you would read this board regularly - especially if you find some of the content offensive. I have no interest in reading parenting boards b/c parenting doesn't interest me. It seems like you are just setting yourself up to be offended or annoyed. I generally avoid people that offend or annoy me - it just isn't pleasant.

Actually, yes, we should be able to make the assumption that everyone feels the same way -- it's the theme of the forum.

So that you'll stand corrected, we don't feel that having kids is the end of the world. We just don't want them. We come here so we don't have to deal with people like yourself with those kinds of comments. I don't like pickles in my hamburgers, but it's not the end of the world if one slips in. I simply prefer, as long as I'm given the choice, to go without them. We understand this desire for a life without children, you don't. You'll never know what it's like to have made the choice to remain childfree, just like we'll never know those joys of parenthood details with which you parents bore us to freaking tears.

I don't really like blanket statements of any kind, be you over- or underweight, sad, happy, whatever. But in this forum, I'd at least like to remain free of judgement and comment from parents. Given the name "Married No Kids," this really isn't your thing.

I'm relieved you said that Angela, because the "end of the world" comment bothered me too. Especially today, when I've been talking my indecision, confusion, dilemma, swinging back and forth. and my journey towards some sort of resolution. I get really annoyed when people make blanket statements trying to describe my feelings about children. When people do that it disregards a lot of the different perspectives people here have. People are coming from all different angles, and we're not all hardcore, known-we-hate-children-since-birth types, and I do resent being lumped into that category.

But I guess that's what we're talking about with this chasm between parents and CF, and how we'll really never completely understand each other.

[So that you'll stand corrected, we don't feel that having kids is the end of the world.

Absolutely. Jeannette, that was a really reductionist thing for you to say...many of us don't think they're the end of the world. In fact, many of us are teachers, doting aunties, and volunteer with kids.

But I'm not sure why I should be explaining this to you.

I'm thinking similar problems might show up if Catholics, Muslims, or Atheists drop into your Buddhism board. Why should you have to explain yourself, as a Buddhist, to them? If they're really interested, let them read up on it somewhere else. The main point of all of the forums is discourse among the members each forum is focused on, not being defensive and explaining oneself to outsiders.

The interesting thing, Jeannette, is that if you want to see some really loathing poasts about weight, there are many, many places where you'd find much more of it than here...some of them right here on BellaOnline, I'd wager. But, as usual...you're a parent, reading the CF board, so when you see some of that here on your apparently frequent lurking visits, we're the ones who get called to task.

We understand this desire for a life without children, you don't. You'll never know what it's like to have made the choice to remain childfree, just like we'll never know those joys of parenthood details with which you parents bore us to freaking tears.

One of the reasons parents seem to feel free to drop into CF forums is because they say "Yeah, I used to be childfree." (By constrast, not too many Muslims would drop into a Buddhist board and say "Yeah, I used to be a Buddhist, but now I know better"). In reality, the vast majority of parents used to just be...um, for lack of a better term, "proto-parents" (i.e., people who knew they wanted kids eventually, but just hadn't gotten around to it yet). There's a world of difference between that and a childfree person.

I don't really like blanket statements of any kind, be you over- or underweight, sad, happy, whatever. But in this forum, I'd at least like to remain free of judgement and comment from parents. Given the name "Married No Kids," this really isn't your thing.

It's an open forum, Angela...and for some reason, parents just can't seem to get enough of peeking at us through the glass. I know they have the right to lurk, or even to post. But it still feels spooky to me.

Interestingly, as I'm posting this, on the "latest messages" box off to the right hand side of the forum webpage, I saw this header for a thread on one of the Bella Mom boards:

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I reiterate my original point, because some people seem to have just swept it under the rug:

We all make choices

We all have to live with our choices

If we are happy with our choices, we are worthy of merit and respect

Everyone here, and everyone in the world who is following their own vision is worthy of merit and respect

Nobody has to forcibly fit into any social roles like parents, or friends. You choose your friends, you choose to become a parent or not become a parent.

Your desicion is worthy of respect

Now, all this being said, I reiterate my original point, and please take this into mind this time:

Some people CAN handle it all, they are not suffering from any emotional or physical strain, they are happy with their lives as much as you are with yours, and they can make time for themselves and evolve as people through parenting.

Most of you don't even want to believe these people exist, but they do. And I say this because I will be one of them, and I want the same kind of respect you do from society at large. I don't want to feel harangued by the very people who say society owes them a little more respect (which they do). What is paying them in kind seriously going to solve? Some of you are making the same kind of blanket accusations you accuse others of making. "NOBODY can do it all" "SOMETHING'S got to give"....

no, it doesn't.

Think about what would happen if you met someone, or a group of people who thought marriage was for fools and a total waste of energy and life? What if these people constantly slammed marriage but were otherwise smart and good to be around? When they told you your marriages were utter mistakes would you just sit there and take it? Or would you mention how happy you are and how you RESPECT THEIR CHOICE but also believe there is more to the issue than what they believe?

Or would you just walk away?

Griz,

Fine.

I retract everything I have ever said on this forum.

I wouldn't want to offend the current and future super-mommies who are so far beyond perfect.

I'm sorry if I bothered you with all of my stupid, rude, "blanket" comments. They came from my perspective. I am imperfect, therefore my perspective is imperfect. I'm just not a super-woman and I've never met, heard of, or read of one in non-fiction. I'm sorry that I failed to recognize your god-like powers and bow before you.

So I think I'll just stop posting for a while. I don't want to participate in the forum you and your attitudes are trying to create. If I did, I wouldn't have come here in the first place.

Griz is morphing into a troll. Do we feed trolls around here?

Good luck with the perfect life, honey. And enjoy reading truemomconfessions, their lives are perfect too.

Don't leave, Myrabeth!

I was just about to start posting some recipes!

French Onion Soup I

"The best onion soup you will ever have!!!!!"

Original recipe yield:
4 servings
PREP TIME 15 Min
COOK TIME 45 Min
READY IN 1 Hr


INGREDIENTS
1/4 cup butter
3 onions, thinly sliced
1 teaspoon white sugar
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups water
1/2 cup red wine
2 (10.5 ounce) cans condensed beef broth
1 French baguette
8 ounces sliced Swiss cheese
DIRECTIONS
Melt butter or margarine in a 4 quart saucepan. Stir in sugar. Cook onions over medium heat for 10 minutes, or until golden brown.
Stir in flour until well blended with the onions and pan juices. Add water, wine, and beef broth; heat to boiling. Reduce heat to low. Cover soup, and simmer for 10 minutes.
Cut four 1 inch thick slices of bread from the loaf. Toast the bread slices at 325 degrees F (165 degrees C) just until browned, about 10 minutes. Reserve the remaining bread to serve with the soup.
Ladle soup into four 12 ounce, oven-safe bowls. Place 1 slice toasted bread on top of the soup in each bowl. Fold Swiss cheese slices, and fit onto toasted bread slices. Place soup bowls on a cookie sheet for easier handling.
Bake at 425 degrees F (220 degrees C) for 10 minutes, or just until cheese is melted

Actually, yes, we should be able to make the assumption that everyone feels the same way -- it's the theme of the forum.

So that you'll stand corrected, we don't feel that having kids is the end of the world. We just don't want them. We come here so we don't have to deal with people like yourself with those kinds of comments.
Well said Angela. I have talked about the biking events I ride in some of my posts. There are many more biking events that don't interest me at all so I don't enter them. I have a friend, S, who I ski with at the local ski area. He is a good skier and I once invited him to join me for a day of skiing at Taos, 80 miles north of where we live. Taos has some of the steepest inbounds terrain in North America. It's not a mountain for a lazy skier either; a third of the runs are hike-to runs. The hikes can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 45 minutes. S told me he wasn't interested in skiing the steeps at Taos. Hey, if someone tells me they don't want to ski a narrow 40 degree chute, I won't try to talk them into it. I have seen skiers safely launch and land jumps from 80 foot cliffs and I'll never do that! Another friend of mine is a gung ho cross country ski racer. I like to cross country ski, but I am not intersted in taking time away from the slopes to go to xc ski races.

What's the point? I don't care if people like to ski the same slopes I do or ride the same steep mountain roads. For environmental reasons and so we can send less $ to places like Saudi Arabia, I'd like to see more people riding bikes or walking instead of driving. So to the parents that crash this board, I am staying out of your personal life and your bedroom. Please reciprocate and stay the HELL out of my personal life and my bedroom! I am not hurting you with my permanent CF stance. I know myself better than anyone else and know that I am not parent material.

Mike