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Joined: Oct 2006
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Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 570
Originally Posted By: GirlGoingDutch
I'm I afriad to change? Maybe change is good? I don't have a maternal instinct. I hated dolls and girly stuff all my life. Maybe, I am afraid of my womanhood. Maybe, I don't embrace it. I never much liked being a girl or a kid.
It's all every confusing. I want a happy life with my husband. I want to be the joy of his life and he mine. Isn't family what carries us through life?

I really believe he needs kids. I'm struggling.


Family is wonderful...as you define it. A friend of mine calls biological ties a "genetic blind date": sometimes you'll get along with these folks, sometimes you won't. Chosen family (spouses, friends) can be so much better in many ways.

Remember too, that inner resources carry us through life. A life of the mind...ideas, books, music, etc., can be wonderful right up until we leave this existence, for most people. Works for people with or without kids, and even those without spouses.

Now, as to what he needs...that's a different kettle of fish. Please get a counsellor involved at this stage of the game, GGD. And in the meantime, be extra kind and gentle to yourself; your hormones are going nuts right now.

Best to you,

Elise



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Joined: Apr 2007
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 793
Virtual hugs to you. This was a really tough call, but the best one you could make for you right now. You need time and space to settle this issue once and for all,to sort out what you really need and to explore where your relationship will go from here.

Be good to yourself, and be strong. This is your life, and you should live it how you want. Just remember that sometimes the right decision is also the hard decision ... but that doesn't mean it shouldn't be made.


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Joined: Feb 2007
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Koala
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Koala
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Joined: Feb 2007
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Wow ... you had to make a hard decision. I hope that everything works out for you. We are all here for you.

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
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Newbie
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Newbie
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
I am new to this group, and to being in a forum at all. Your issue touches me - closely. I never wanted kids. I was never able to articulate it. Kids are what society expects of married women. I figured I'd have kids by default. My husband is a wonderful man and would be a fabulous father. I assumed he would be.

After not getting pregnant the first 4 years of marriage, I was tired of the stress of am I or aren't I every month and we investigated. I was relieved beyond words to find out that we can't have kids. But I was ashamed and it took an incredible amount of careful, honest, difficult conversation to get to the point of what I felt.

Having a conversation about why he wants kids and why you don't is tough. It is probably the toughest one you'll ever have. I don't think it has to be a deal breaker. I don't think it has to be unemotional. Bringing a kid into your family and life should be joyful, hopeful and terrifying - but you should be united in it.

I wish you luck as you move through this conversation - I agree with involving a counselor if you and DH find struggling with this working against your marriage. If the guy is a keeper, the conversation will bring you closer - regardless of the outcome.

Hang in there - and keep listening to your heart.

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