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#327777 - 07/09/07 03:27 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: DaughterOfDada]
M.B. Offline
Parakeet

Registered: 03/04/07
Posts: 998
Our financial situation is the main reason we aren't married. We don't even have a date in mind. We are just enjoying sharing a home and our lives and waiting for the opportunity to make it official. That, however doesn't stop us from occasionally discussing our wedding. The topic has come up lately because his sister recently got hitched. There are a few things we're sure of:

--The ceremony will not be the focus. Celebrating with friends and family will be. (We aren't religious people and may even elope and throw a party later.)It will be a small party, under 50 people. If I had my way, it would be under 25, but he has a big family and seems to like a lot of them. Neither applies to me.
--As good as he looks dressed up (he REALLY does!), our wedding will not be very formal. I'm quite the tomboy. He's grateful I've agreed to wear a dress at all. It took him a few years to convince me not to be married in jeans. My dress will be simple, not white, not huge, and NO heels. (I'm a klutz with serious knee problems.)
--NO DJ. He'll set up his computer in a corner and cue up a play list. He's got great speakers and he's a professional computer geek. This method of providing music is so very him.
--His daughter will be the only child in attendance. I have a low tolerance for kids, and he's always saying he doesn't like other people's kids. They're too obnoxious.
--No wedding cake. Cheesecake is a definite possibility. We'll pick a good dessert or two and forgo the big cake tradition, that much is sure.

Aside from those little things, our plans are up in the air. But you can see from what we have figured out so far that it will be a simple, non traditional affair... which is why I avoid the topic with my girly, traditional mother.
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#327778 - 07/09/07 03:30 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: M.B.]
Pikasam Offline
Gecko

Registered: 04/17/07
Posts: 793
Loc: Calgary, Canada
With weddings, you can't please all of the people all of the time, so you might as well please yourself ...
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Childfree? Join us at www.thechildfreelife.com.

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#327789 - 07/09/07 04:11 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: M.B.]
DaughterOfDada Offline
Jellyfish

Registered: 04/11/07
Posts: 103
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Originally Posted By: myrabeth
Our financial situation is the main reason we aren't married. We don't even have a date in mind. We are just enjoying sharing a home and our lives and waiting for the opportunity to make it official. That, however doesn't stop us from occasionally discussing our wedding. The topic has come up lately because his sister recently got hitched. There are a few things we're sure of:

--The ceremony will not be the focus. Celebrating with friends and family will be. (We aren't religious people and may even elope and throw a party later.)It will be a small party, under 50 people. If I had my way, it would be under 25, but he has a big family and seems to like a lot of them. Neither applies to me.
--As good as he looks dressed up (he REALLY does!), our wedding will not be very formal. I'm quite the tomboy. He's grateful I've agreed to wear a dress at all. It took him a few years to convince me not to be married in jeans. My dress will be simple, not white, not huge, and NO heels. (I'm a klutz with serious knee problems.)
--NO DJ. He'll set up his computer in a corner and cue up a play list. He's got great speakers and he's a professional computer geek. This method of providing music is so very him.
--His daughter will be the only child in attendance. I have a low tolerance for kids, and he's always saying he doesn't like other people's kids. They're too obnoxious.
--No wedding cake. Cheesecake is a definite possibility. We'll pick a good dessert or two and forgo the big cake tradition, that much is sure.

Aside from those little things, our plans are up in the air. But you can see from what we have figured out so far that it will be a simple, non traditional affair... which is why I avoid the topic with my girly, traditional mother.

Sounds good to me...my wedding would probably look like a scene from "Hair" if I was going to make a production out of it!
_________________________
"The fittest will survive, yet the unfit may live"
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#327794 - 07/09/07 04:39 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: DaughterOfDada]
Boscoe Offline
Amoeba

Registered: 07/09/07
Posts: 50
Loc: Wisconsin
Hi DaughterofDada,
I just got married 5 months ago in the tiniest ceremonies ever! We got married on Valentine's Day and we had 6 guests, so that meant no friends and hardly any family. After having helped friends plan mammoth weddings (400 guests for one of them), I knew it had to pretty much be just us. We're very private and kinda quiet, so when I had originally thought 25-30 people, that being immediate family, my fiance started to get nervous at the thought of being in front of that many people. Soooo, then it got down to just our parents (my mom and his dad have passed away,so we let my dad and his mom each invite a guest), my grandfather who is 88 and my cousin. Some family members were hurt that they weren't invited, but as soon as you start to please someone else, then another person has a request and so on. My DH doesn't speak to 2 of his siblings (long story), so he could've invited the other two, but then once you had spouses and kids, the numbers go way up. Soooo, we didn't invite siblings (I have one brother who seemed a little miffed, but I think he's OK with it now). I didn't wear a dress; I just had on black slacks and a pretty top, Mark wore a suit. We of course had to get bundled up because it was Feb. and it was about 20 below zero. Yikes! The ceremony was about 5-10 minutes long at a quaint little chapel. I had a great time just because there was hardly anyone there and it was so intimate. We then took our 6 guests out to dinner where we had reservations and had a wonderful dinner. We came back to our place to have a cake I had ordered. I had a great time; it was very cozy and it was just as nice as some of those crazy big weddings we get invited to. We just couldn't see going into debt to have a party for everyone else; it's just one day and we have the rest of our lives together. We're saving money for my grad school this fall and eventually we'll save enough for a down payment on a condo, but in the meantime, I'm very glad we had our wedding this way, and not the way everyone else wanted us to have it. Kind of like the kid issue!!
Jenny

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#327816 - 07/09/07 06:40 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: Boscoe]
Malamutes own me Offline
Shark

Registered: 02/21/07
Posts: 208
I'm in the midst of wedding planning at the moment and we're going down a very simple path as well. Everyone turning up will think that it's our engagement party but the surprise is on them - it's our wedding. Thus, we have no bridesmaids, groomsmen etc, there's around 30 guests and only people that are really special to us. I must admit though, it's a lot less fun than I thought it would be. I'd love to just have a registry office moment, but my fiance really isn't into that. Thus, it's happening mid-September and I have now 2 months to get everything happening. We're doing it on a fairly strict budget and instead of the whole white-dress thing, I'm just getting a good evening dress that can be worn again and he'll be in a suit. Then we're going on a family holiday with the boys (our two Malamutes) to the snow.

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#327925 - 07/10/07 05:45 AM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: Malamutes own me]
lngilbert Offline
Koala

Registered: 02/02/07
Posts: 2002
Minders - I thought I'd planned the quickest wedding ever. You get that title! We were engaged 2/14/04 and got married 5/28/04. Our wedding was simple - we had it at a local estate-turned-forest preserve. It was gorgeous. Our wedding day was the only day in May that it didn't rain. Good thing, because it was outdoors! It was very short and simple, and we only did 2 formal dances (our dance and a combined parents' dance) before the guests could dance.

The only regret is my dress. I HATE to shop, so I pretty much just bought the first dress that looked good on me. I hated it, and I also cringe when I look at the pictures. It makes me look fat.

I also had problems with my aunt - we wanted the wedding to be the first weekend of June, but she called yelling at me that that was my cousin's graduation, so we changed the whole wedding date because she threatened that none of them would be there. The date that I changed it to? His prom. So I got another screaming phone call. However, his prom didn't start for 1/2 hour after the wedding would be over, and it was right down the street. My aunt made a big deal of it on the wedding day that she could be taking pictures of him (he didn't even have a date, he went with the football team) and instead she sacrificed that to be at the wedding.

She's also my godmother.

And then my mom's entire side of the family who I'd always been extremely close to decided that they didn't need to stick around for pictures and went inside to drink, so I have NO pictures of my mom's side.

Other than that childish behavior, everything was AWESOME and people still tell me it was the best wedding they've ever been to. I think just because it was so relaxed. I ALSO hate to be the center of attention like that. I think I took 3 anxiety pills.

Oh, and we got in a car crash on the way there. Someone rear-ended my stepdad's car. I got out ready to kick some butt but my mom made me get back in the car :-)

My SIL's wedding was a disaster, though. She was a total bridezilla, not informing me of changing plans, excluding me because I wasn't SUPER DUPER EXCITED! and other things like that. I threw her a bachelorette party that cost me $300 and she never said thank you. She never said thank you for the embroidered tablecloth that took me 6 months and about 400 hours to make. I never got a thank you card for any of the presents I got her, including shower presents. (I handmade a corset and robe for her and she made fun of it.) Oh, she did thank me for the garter and handbag and handkerchief that I made. And the other bridesmaids kept asking for my advice "since you've already been married and we haven't", and when I gave it, they would exchange looks and say, "yeah, we've already decided what we're doing."

So yes, you should enjoy your day, but not at the expense of isolating your friends and losing their friendships.
_________________________
You can't take the sky from me ...

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#327936 - 07/10/07 07:00 AM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: DaughterOfDada]
Chaco Offline
Shark

Registered: 02/25/07
Posts: 275
Loc: new mexico
No gown and heels required!!
My husband and I dated for eight years before getting married.

Never thought we would get married. I made him promise that if I got sick he would not send me to live with my parents. That was good enough for me.

One day we both said, heck, why not? We joke it was for the health benefits...which in a way is the truth. It seemed nuts that he could not be on my employer health plan!

We were living in Los Angeles at the time, but planned our wedding to be in New Mexico. There is a mountain in Albuquerque and we wanted to climb the mountain and get married at the top. My family is all from NY and his from Georgia. Our choice of location ensured that only close family/friends who wanted to be there would attend. You dont fly to New Mexico out of obligation!

We had a third grade class make our invitations as a class project-cost $50, which included a thank you pizza party.

I got married in jeans and a t-shirt and running shoes. No make-up. No stress. It was perfect smile

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#327948 - 07/10/07 08:02 AM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: Chaco]
Mike_e Offline
Jellyfish

Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 188
Loc: Los Alamos,NM, USA
If I'm ever silly enough to get married again, it will be on a beach in Tahiti at sunset, just me, him, the minister, and a couple of nameless locals as witnesses...

Nice one Pikasam. My plan is to have the "wedding" at the county clerk's office with her and 2 witnesses. The $ saved by not having a big party will be used on a nice trip for us instead.

When my parents got married in 1960, my maternal grandfathered spent $1000 on the wedding. His annual salary in 1960 was $4000.

I got married in jeans and a t-shirt and running shoes. No make-up. No stress. It was perfect

There is a saying in New Mexico, "You iron your neat jeans to get dressed up." That fits me to a T. I hate getting dressed up and like the idea of buying dinner for 200 people or even 10 people even less.

Mike
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SCREW OPEC AND RIDE A BIKE!

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#327956 - 07/10/07 08:37 AM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: Mike_e]
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk

Registered: 03/26/07
Posts: 1344
I am in the middle of planning my wedding right now - getting married on a cruise in October. I am pretty much an introvert, and I don't enjoy going to other people's weddings, so I knew I didn't want mine to be like the ones I have attended. The thought of spending all of that money on something that lasts for only a few hours, and making small talk with random people on my wedding day, doesn't sit well with me. So we are keeping it to very immediate family, 14 people in total.

My dress is very beautiful but inexpensive. I don't like a lot of the customs around weddings, but I will honor some of them. I am having my father give me away despite my feminist leanings. I love him, and it will mean something to me and him to have him included in that way. I won't do a bouquet toss because I think it's insulting to single women. I was single for a long time, and I respect single women. We are getting married at sea by the ship's captain in the chapel, and will have a small cocktail reception afterwards. And they have a special dining room where we will have a nice dinner that night. It's just a little extra per person.

We are putting together straw bags for the six families that are attending. We bought a beach towel, flip flops, beach ball, sunscreen and coconut lime verbena products from Bath and Body Works to fill the bag. Fun! I want to do something nice for everyone for going out of their way to be there for our special day! We will be stopping at three islands, and it's going to be great! The cruiseline has a wedding coordinator that is taking care of the flowers, cake, etc. Can't wait! The stress hasn't been anything like what I've seen other women go through. I wanted to avoid all of that drama.
_________________________
Save your own life - don't have kids!

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#327996 - 07/10/07 01:07 PM Re: When you're not reading TMC.... [Re: happytobechildfree]
Selkie Offline
Amoeba

Registered: 06/15/07
Posts: 58
Just had my first anniversary! We had a beautiful summer wedding in one of our favorite oceanside towns, about 75 guests. We had the ceremony and reception at a lovely hotel. Our rehearsal dinner was outside at a tiki bar, right next to the pool with a spectacular view of the ocean. Great sunset that night too! The afternoon before the wedding, DH and I had our pictures taken at a seaside park -- there were tons of beautiful quirky kites in the air above us. I wore a classic strapless ivory gown, not too expensive, and the dudes were in tuxes. My 4 best girlfriends were in the wedding, each in a cocktail dress of her choosing (I said some shade of blue, but get something you like). The ceremony was unique and lovely and fun, the DJ was great, and the food was incredible. We even had clam chowder for the soup course and swordfish as an entree choice!

It was as close to perfect a day as is possible, and we did not break the bank.

Then we honeymooned in Hawaii: Oahu and Maui. It was a great time. No regrets.

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