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lngilbert, I'm actually really surprised we pulled everything off when we did. I had ordered my wedding dress early and it came in exactly 1 week before I got the call that dh was being medvaced home. We only had 1 Sat. in August to choose from because the week before our wedding my mom was playing the organ for someone else's wedding. The week after our wedding dh was scheduled to be sent back to Iraq. We had the church, flowers, bridesmaid dresses, music and everything set in 4 weeks. The ladies in my mom's Bible study group cooked all the food. We were very stressed for a few weeks!

That sounds amazing, but how do you get away with that? I got married in New Zealand and the law there is that the boat has to be docked - something to do with if anyone wants to object, they have to have reasonable access. Not that I minded, but at sea would have worked so much better... maybe US law is different.

My wedding was a Vegas job. I didn't want my family there, and hubby's family lives in Europe, so we did it in Vegas at a chapel where it was broadcast via webcam. So while none of our family was there, they all got to watch it live! It wasn't the most outstanding wedding(the minister practically gave a sermon at the wedding of two agnostics), but we figure the marriage matters more anyway...

The only problem I ran into was with my dress - I had to have part of it made bigger (I have a large rib cage.) I went in and it was TOO big! I said, "hey, this is TOO BIG!" They said, "Oh my dear, you have to realize that you're going to get a lot bigger by the wedding."

I said "WHAT?" They said, "because you're pregnant!" They had mixed up my order with someone else!!!! And when I explained she said "well I thought you looked too small to be pregnant.) How lucky are they that I'm basically a nice person and just laughed and said "oh, that's okay!" (They did fix the dress.)

A funny thing that happened was our minister did a sermon based on one of our mutual interests ... camping. She made camping an analogy of marriage. "C" for committment ... I forget "A" and "M" and guess what "P" was? Position. She said, "You have to decided what position you will take."

You should have heard the guests snicker. It was pretty darn funny! She had no idea what she was saying. To this day when we leave a friend's house they will ask, "what, are you doing home to camp?"

When it comes to weddings...one size DOES NOT fit all. IMO, the important thing is to always keep in mind it is about the marriage, not the wedding itself. Well, maybe I think that way because I may be the only person on this forum who did not live with DH before the wedding (good 'ole Mexican tradition, although that is changing).

I wanted a nice, small wedding at home, nothing religious (in Mexico you can have the Justice of the Peace go to the wedding site). I didn't want to invite a bunch of people who, in reality, could have cared less about whether we got married or not. So, I told my parents that we would be having it at home, only immediate family and very close friends invited, hors d'ouvres, champagne and cake. My parents wanted to respect our wishes, but were really thrilled about us getting married (I was the first child and first grandchild on my Mom's side to get married) and asked us if we would agree to have a big wedding for which they were going to foot the bill. How could I say no? I told them that we would accept as long as we didn't have to be involved in every little detail. It worked perfectly. My whole extended family on my Mom's side helped with the arrangements. It was at a wedding hall, there was dinner, dancing, liquor (of course)... We had a great time! I gotta say most of the attendees were from my side, because we had it in my hometown, and my DH's family is not very big or very close to begin with. My only regrets are my dress, hair and makeup. I went with my mother's suggestions on all 3 things and I regret it now. I hate the way I look on all those pictures. I guess you shouldn't give in on everything.
I would advocate including those who love you and wish to participate, because it is not ALL about you. It's an important event for some of your loved ones as well, but I realize everyone's family circumstances are different.

Tiaali - I didn't live with my husband before we got married, either.

Hi, cruise and destination weddings have become kind of a thing in the US over the last couple of years. The cruise line is actually securing our license for us, and apparently we will have a Bermudean license. They gave us the option of being married in the dock (Ft. Lauderdale), at one of the ports of call, or at sea. It's actually a "wedding at sea" package, and includes flowers, cake, champagne flutes, the captain, the chapel, music, etc. They even sent us an option of four possible vows to choose from. That made it easier for us, because if I have too many options, I have a hard time deciding. The only wacky part is, my and my DH2B's inlaws will be on our honeymoon with us! But, it's a big ship, we can get lost for a while!

I completely agree with you on both points. I definitely feel like a lot of couples spend too much time preparing for the wedding, and not enough preparing for the marriage. And it's a family event- while the bride and groom's preferences get precedence, other people's needs do need to be considered. In my case it was making room for some of my mom's friends on the guest list, and giving in to her preferences for some things I didn't care about (or at least disagree with too strongly). (Similar things for my MIL too.) Totally worth it to make it something our families would enjoy and be proud of.

I DEFINITELY agree that a LOT of (women especially) people focus on the wedding more than anything else. And no one really questions it. I know people that can barely get by that spent a fortune on their wedding. AND, I know someone that had a very expensive wedding a few months ago, and she and her husband are going to continue living with her husband's parents! Why not take that $20,000, and at LEAST get yourself a studio apartment? They both work - you can't tell me that they can't afford an apartment. They are both in their 30s, too.

I think considering other people's needs with regards to a wedding can be a slippery slope. We only have 12 people attending our cruise wedding, and already there are things that everyone can't agree upon. Sigh. I'm so glad we are doing it this way, b/c I don't want to deal with the drama. But, I know there are people that aren't happy about it being on a cruise b/c they can't be there. But because I am an introvert, I loathe overpopulated events. So in this case, I think my preference has to override that of others. Besides, I had to go to some of their weddings sans date because I wasn't allowed to bring one. That still lives a bad taste in my mouth. It's like being invited to a prom, but being told you will be one of the only people there that doesn't have a date. FUN! If I was forced to endure that, they can deal with not being invited to mine.

Ironically, I wasn't married yet because I didn't marry the first person I met to have kids, like the @sses we've been discussing, but opted to wait for someone I might like to spend my life with. Waiting too long to take the plunge, or have kids, obviously has its penalties.

Hello there!

I'm a long time reader, first time poster here to this forum. Basics: I lived with my now-wife for 10 years before we felt it was the right time. We were married in March of 2006.

The both of us are athiests, as well as never ever having any desire to have children, nor pets, because they are a responsibilty we don't want. I am 39 and Linda (my wife) is 47. We travel a lot, have an easy going lifestyle.

Linda's parents live in Michigan -- my parents live very close. Linda is a VERY practical woman, who NEVER wanted a church wedding (needless to say), nor anything big at all. I did not want anyone there at all, if possible. Thusly, when we got married, the only people there were Linda, myself, and the minister. In Virginia, there is NO need for any witnesses. You can get a license same day, just pay $35 or so. (Sounds almost like Vegas, I assume) So, we just did it. I was happy because I never wanted to be the center of attention, especially with being in a wedding. And, amazingly enough, neither did Linda!

There was a small party for us at my office, but that was the extent of any celebrations. We didn't ask, nor did we want any gifts, seeing that since we are child-free, we get what we want when we want it, and we go where we want to go when we do. I've been at my workplace for 12+ years, so I have seniority for leave, and Linda works at home, so we both have the freedom we want.

We have a Honda Odyssey 'mom-van'. For two people without kids. With a Tazmanian Devil license plate border.

We got a personalized license plate:

ZRO KIDS

And I work for a school system (as a Network Engineer)

Amazingly enough, in our many travels, we have been asked about that plate! We've gotten thumbs up from people who KNOW what that means (YAY), as well as quizzical looks and questions from youngsters (around 16 - 25ish) at drive-thrus, etc who occasionally ask what our plates mean. It's enlightening to say "Kids are just not for us..."

Best part is that both of our parents AGREE with us. This world is a terrible place to raise a kid. My parents have grandkids through my sister, but I did feel subliminal pressure to have kids. I knew, even in my very early teens, that I did not want kids. And neither did Linda -- she babysat for her nephews, etc. That took away any desire she might have had. Needless to say, a perfect match.

Glad to be on board here (offically)