BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids When you're not reading TMC....

there's truebrideconfessions! Talk about selfish!!
Just out of curiosity, what were your wedding experiences like ( for those of you who are married)? I've yet to take the plunge, don't really see a reason to since I don't want kids. My b/f and I will probably have a commitment ceremony someday, sans the legal mumbo jumbo.

Hehe... I see it the other way around. I'm about ready to do the legal mumbo jumbo and chuck the wedding. Legal mumbo jumbo gets me rights... right to inherit the money/assets we accumulate (and vice versa), right to see him in in the hospital (and vice versa), ability to put each other on insurance at work (if needed).

The ceremony would probably only serve to stress me out. I participated in our graduation ceremony in May (though technically I'm not finished till Aug). I cried myself to sleep the night before, and woke up looking like a BUG, because my family couldn't play nice. I can't imagine how much more stressful it would be to have all the fam, and friends in town. So that pretty much sealed the deal for me to do the most low key marriage ever.

The Reader's Digest condensed version of my wedding was basically that I knew exactly two things going in - what I wanted my dress to look like, and that I wanted a string quartet at the church. I think the higher your expectations are for your big day, the more likely you'll be to find yourself really stressed out. It also depends on how involved / happy your family is. I was very lucky in that my Mom only helped when I asked her to do so.

We did an 11:00 ceremony with a reception from noon to 4 because I always hated having these 2-4 hour lags in between the two. Then we loaded up the gifts into my friend's truck, and forced them to take home an entire extra sheet of wedding cake.

You'll get all sorts of responses from different people, but I will throw this in - our tax situation was much better before we got married. As single people, you'll fare a lot better than you will after you get hitched. Some incentive to "promote family values", eh?

Anyway, I could ramble longer but I'd rather see what other people have to add.

We planned our wedding in about 4 weeks. Dh is in the army and had been injured in Iraq, so he was sent home for about a month and a half. We originally were going to get married in February 2004, but ended up getting married August 2003. I sometimes wish we had waited, so all his guys could have been there with us, but knew it was the right decision. If we hadn't gotten married that August, the wedding would've ended up being in May 2004 since he had to go back to Iraq.

Planning the wedding in 4 weeks was pretty stressful since we had to plan around doctor's appointments, my sister going out of the country, and work. But looking back I'd rather have been going crazy for 4 weeks as opposed to 6 months or longer, lol.

Let's see...
I had to do most of the planning myself because the wedding wasn't near my parents and my hubby had just started his dream job. This is how it went down.

We had to change dj's after we saw ours at another wedding, he was awful. My mom kept freaking out about having a champagne toast. My husband's cousin(in the bridal party) got ticked because we wouldn't put her BF of 2 months at my hubby's family's main table and started an all out war. 45 minutes before the rehersal, her and my hubby got into a fight which left his family crying and the cousin questionable to even show up. I got ready at a bridesmaids house because we lived in a dump at the time. My parents never made it there for pictures because my dad's tux pants broke. The tux place also reversed the styles of my hubby's and the goomsmen's vests and ties.

Once things got rolling it just flowed, the cousin did show, church ceremony, cocktail hour with strolling violinist and typical reception. The in-laws did also complain about where their table was placed. I was relieved when it was over. I hate being in the spotlight. That's what you get when you do what is "expected" in our society and not what is unique for yourself. I plan on not doing what's "expected" of us next. I learned my lesson.

Oh! To really keep our wedding in a positive light, the bridesmaid whose house we got ready at was 6 weeks pregnant at the time and a few days after the wedding she miscarried. She blamed it on our wedding even though later, her 3 IVF attempts ended with the same result.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have just made arrangements at Disney or Las Vegas, and told everyone the day and time. If they could make it great, if not, oh well, and used
the money and energy to spend the time having fun with my husband. We didn't get to have a honeymoon because of the cost of the wedding. We should have reversed our first priority. Time alone having fun or hanging around nagging, whining people. Hmmm.

Bifumus...Yoda rules and your right about taxes. We have been slammed every year since we got married.

We reserved all the rooms in a small Vermont inn and invited immediate family only. Everyone came for the two weekend nights and got to know eachother and had the freedom to do their own thing - sightsee, relax, whatever. We all had dinner together Friday night. We called it our rehearsal dinner, but it was very low key, and there wasn't much of a rehearsal - we just decided where on the property we were going to have the ceremony! On Saturday afternoon the justice of the peace came and we had a quick ceremony followed by a fabulous dinner at the inn. We did invite a few close friends (10) to the ceremony and reception.

I can honestly say it was one of my best weekends ever. My husband and I planned it together - fortunately, we had the same vision for our wedding. It was my second marriage, and I did the whole 120 person guest list thing the first time around. This was SO much better.

truebrideconfessions is truly disturbing sometimes, v true.

My wedding: small(ish, about 100 ppl), outdoor, but with most of the standard trappings (big white dress, bridal party, catered meal, DJ, people dressed up, cake, etc). We kept the traditions that made sense to us and chucked the ones that didn't. Our ceremony was v meaningful but decidedly NOT traditional.

I think the main thing brides need to remember in order to not turn into a bridezilla is that even though it's "your" day, it's not *all* about you. Other people's feelings and needs do need to be considered. But I've never been the type to run roughshod over others (I'm more of a quiet-background type) so I hope and believe I was a polite bride. My 'maids picked their own styles; I just picked colors for the dresses and shoes. Etc.

Also, it's important to remember that it's *just one day*. Brides have the rest of their lives to look forward to and expecting a "perfect" day in an imperfect world is just unreasonable. I think too many brides get caught up in "perfect" and that causes a lot of bridezilla-ishness. Sometimes "good enough" needs to be, well, good enough.

I loved my wedding and wouldn't have changed a thing. Our families were great throughout the process and I had a major outlet for my girly side while planning. And the day itself was a lot of fun.

I honestly didn't think that being married would feel any different than living together, but it does (and better, too). As for taxes, I'll be happy if they do something about the marriage penalty as well, but that wasn't going to stop us from making it legal.

If that all sounds Pollyanna-ish, please do keep in mind I've been married less than a year.

My wedding was a disaster from start to finish. I should have taken the hint.

We wanted to be married on a boat, and the boat only took 30 people. So it was close friends and immediate family only. Cue family fights and bitching. I have three or four stand up scraps with my mother who is making my dress, but refuses to make the one I'm dying to wear because "I'm not having my daughter getting married looking like a prostitute"! (Just because the front was cut away...) She also talked me into having my hair permed, which was a disaster. Every time I look at the photos I cringe, it was awful.

The day came. We called the florist - "oh, was that TODAY?" So my brother had to go and get the flowers, which were there in a box with no arrangement, and do the flowers for me (ikebana is not bro's strong point!). My cousin was my flowergirl, she was anaemic and kept fainting. The car turns up, the bridal party piles in, off we go to the far side of Auckland to wait for the boat, which is to sail across and pick up up, and tie-to for the ceremony. The boat is REALLY late, becuase my mother decided to stay at home and do the housework after we left!! So we're dumped in the middle of a fishing pier to wait because the car has to go, it's blowing a gale, threatening to rain, and all our hair and makeup is now trashed.

FINALLY the boat arrives, we board for the ceremony, the ex's hands have swelled up so much from the heat that the ring won't fit. We finally get it on, and then it's cutting off his circulation so he spends about half an hour with his hand in an ice bucket, trying to get it off again. Meanwhile the best man and my matron of honour (BF and GF) have a screaming fight, he disappears to the top deck with my brother and a 40oz of Jack Daniels, and reappears an hour later completely wasted. His parents are paying for the booze bill so they spend all night glaring daggers at anyone who orders from the bar.

Thank God the dinner cruise only lasted for four hours, and then we got to fly off to Sydney for our honeymoon.

Apparently the best part was the party my Dad threw the next day for all the relatives that couldn't go to the ceremony!

If I'm ever silly enough to get married again, it will be on a beach in Tahiti at sunset, just me, him, the minister, and a couple of nameless locals as witnesses...

OMG. I'm cracking up. I think we need to find a publisher for the MNK anthology of wedding stories.

Thanks for the responses, fun to hear people's stories. I guess I feel that since we are both in our mid-forties, no parents, few friends or relatives, etc...why bother. I have always been a tomboy and I'm still a hippie/feminist at heart. There is no way you could get me into a gown and heels! I'm also a very private person and would only want witnesses, not guests. But, I won't get married until his financial situation is a little better and when he gets health care. He is an artist who teaches p/t. I am just getting by myself, luckily our needs are few!! Thank Goddess we don't want kids!