BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage Need for Education regarding marriage

I have read a lot of posts recently regarding marriage, divorce and chidren. There are a lot of books and television programs regarding financial planning for marriage, preparing for divorce and dealing with pyschological impacts of marriage and divorce.

All of this has caused me begin thinking about how I handle issues at work and how they have correlated with my personal issues. As I have mentioned in an earlier posting, my husband and I have had numerous issues with his ex-wife. We are both educated which shows education means nothing when it comes to the heart. I certainly did not apply my education because I allowed myself to get wrapped up in emotion.

I reviewed everything that is done before entering into large contracts at work. It is necessary to plan and evaluate all aspects of the contract, use checklists and monitor the work as it is completed. The process needs to be thoughtful and involve a number of persons providing expertise in their individual areas to understand and address issues.

This is something that is certainly not done in relationships. People meet fall in love and get married. In some instances they do not know their spouse very well or they believe "they can change people". Second marriages are even more complicated. You then have the challenges of marriage and in some instances divorces. There are also the post divorce difficulties.

I think there is the need for tools to evaluate and address relationship issues that do not involve only one topic ie. psychology, or financial issues. They would involve tools that permit a person to ask a number of questions that will allow evaluation of a relationship. Advice would be solicited from experts in a variety of fields that would include legal, financial, psychological and health. When relationships go badly people become bitter and in the event of divorce call in the $500.00 per hour lawyers which only adds to frustration. It is too late to plan then as you are simply fighting a war in many situations.

I am not saying using checklists and being educated on numerous areas will ensure a successful relationship or will prevent divorce, but when you piecemeal advice on TV, the Internet or in books, it is like only reviewing some of the relevant issues before entering into a contract. If you educate yourself and then plan accordingly, hopefully you can anticipate and plan for issues that may occur in your life. I know this does not sound "romantic" but honest evalutions and education may help to assist in having a successful relationship or walk away from one that may not be meant to be which in the long run will avoid more pain.

I would appreciate any thougts. Thanks

[size:11pt][font:Book Antiqua]This doesn't address second marriages but I did write about being ready, financially, emotionally, etc,. for marriage.


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I'm getting married to my partner in September and maybe I'm just odd, but to me the marriage part is what we've been focussing on, not the wedding (which could explain why I have absolutely nothing planned and would love to elope). I've read a number of books on the issue and we've done a fair few exercises together so that we feel completely comfortable that this is forever. One great one is "The 7 principles of making marriage work" as is the 7 Habits of highly effective families. As well as that we have a financial plan, goals for the next 5, 10 and 25 years and have the housework all divided up.

I think that the fact that we've lived together has helped because it gave us the chance to work through everything in preparation. For example, I am shocking at housework, but great at the financial stuff, grocery shopping & cooking, so we've divided it in a way that I handle all the bill-paying, investments, insurance, cooking etc whilst he takes over the bulk of the washing & cleaning. I then give him a monthly report on how everything is going and we have an education night at the same time so that he can learn more about why we picked a certain investment or how something is leading to one of our goals.

Given that I come from a Business background, as does he, I think we have approached it sort of like a business venture eg we each have a $100 limit and we have to ask the other if it's over that amount. It might seem cold to people, but I can honestly say that we've never had an argument about money, housework, health issues.

I agree with Kristen. I do not think you are cold either. You are thoughtful and want to understand each other's expectations. It is important to communicate and be honest with yourself and each other.

I wish you the best of luck.